My Story after having meningitis

[critting]

I'm chris, 20 years old and from the netherlands. That said english isnt my native langauge and i hope i will make myself enough clear in some situations (not that im bad in english).

I had bacterial meningitis when i was 3(almost 4) back in 1996. Doctors called me lucky with the minor physical issues i had afterwards. the first things that were shortly happening after was that i wasnt potty-trained anymore wich continued till i was 11. i lost my eyesight over time really fast and got really bad eyes atm and still degrading but still glasses work.

i had unconscious nightmares/sleep talking and "walking" more like running through the house and scared of something following me.

My feet were turned inside like really badly. (special underlays in shoes didnt help either)

and back then i had a lot of problems with pain in my penis returning several times per day.

as 5 year old kid i resolved that by pulling legs over eachother and squeeze really hard (like women mostly sit) until i got (wich i see now) some kind of orgasm to relax my muscles and let the pain go away. i went to serveral doctors referring me things like pure cranberry juice (nothing is sour now :P). but afterall nothing really worked. i never felt myself inside my body

now there is backstory behind this that my little brother has ADD/dyslexie/discalculy

he got stuffed by pills but still couldnt do anything.

for example he couldnt watch tv for 5 mins or he would already go away with a headache.

he had to move himself to sleep by going left and right in bed constantly.

and more things.

my mom got referred to a osteopath (not sure if this is the right word in english but im 99% sure)

That is where i was 12 and my mom told me my problems.

the osteopath refered me the HQ of their society on the edge of netherlands/belgium.

there i got treated for my problems wich had to do with my Meninges.

their thinking is that every organ is attached to another organ since birth and from there you can stimulate 1 part of the body to make the other part connected to this work better or fix (i dont know how/what exactly)

this worked like a charm in short time i got rid of all my physical problems felt like i was reborn. finally in my body. i grew like really fast (since physically i was behind too).

shortly after i got mental issues when i hit puberty.

now i was a smart kid. had only A's in basic school went to the highest part of secondary school possible (english gymnasium) and could do that with 2 fingers in my nose.

until i hit a slow growing depression/loss of energy.

i was often bullied in that time and i couldnt cope with my slow learning of languages.

i got IQ tested and dyslexia tested (because of my brother)

i hit possitive on dyslexia but my IQ was high (150s).

because of my bullying and my starting "lazyness".

i went down to normal gymnasium just to make it a bit easier to not have everything in another langauge and to still be able to go to university.

after that i went down really hard.

i think there my depression really started together with the loss of energy.

i was 16 at that moment. my daily life seemed like a illusion mostly as if i was dreaming i couldnt think straight enough as i used to do and i was irritated/frustrated by that.

i started smoking to calm myself.

every year i went to a lower kind of education,

i started to retreat myself, could only upbeat myself to do things sometimes with music.

i needed a mental challenge, i had the ability to focus really hard on something and to learn big things really hard if i liked to do it.

i started gaming, my ability felt like cheating in the acceptable competetive games.

tho i went never professional since i wasnt 18 yet.

when i was 17 i met my first serious girlfriend. i stopped competetive gaming (not normal gaming) and it went great. tho over time problems occured ofcourse especially because of my depression and lack of energy wich kept growing until i hit the state where im in now.

i couldnt do anything anymore, we broke up.

this was a year ago.

the next of the year was a big mess of retreating, slowly losing contact with my friends. going addicted to gaming to have a imaginary purpose(i lost my focus abillity tho). i felt horrible tho i could never kick myself out. i always worked at a supermarket from 16-19 years old , but after 3 years they kick you out or you want to get a full time job. wich was asked if i want to do that but i refused since i still wanted to go for a better education and go to university since i knew i could do that.

in that year i started walking by a psychiatrist who tested me on IQ and all the things they do. I tried several medications but i wouldnt work. my IQ test was lower then before. i scored only 142 in math the rest was lower ( still good) and there was no sign of dyslexia.

the conclusion they made was not a depression but a behaviour problem (not focussed on gaming but overall)

i tried working, quit after 2 months to kick back in depression harder and it got worse and worse. i worked several times over the year resulting in fast quiting because of not showing up and losing interest.

my mom helped me out (parents divorced when i was 16, i have always been ok with this) to get help outside home, to live on my own and restart my life.

this is the situation where im in now. im doing great but i cant handle anything else then cleaning the house here/cooking/etc or im mentally exhausted and depressed again.

i feel/felt hopeless i couldnt change myself how hard it tried.

yesterday i found finally the answer to my depression/energyloss wich must be a mental kickback of my meningitis. my brother is in this time on neurofeedback. my mom called my problems there. they gave her the answer it must be meningitis and they were willing to help me tho it would be a long run since i must have had "blockades" (as they call it) from my meningitus but because of my long time into this depression etc it could have developped consideranly worse. next to that they were not sure if i had any form of add next to that since its a high change if your brother has it you have a bit of it too.

im happy that i found my answer and possible way out of my mess

i just wanted to tell my story.

Thanks for reading.

if you have any questions or advice i would really aprecciate that.

[Jeffery]

Wow Chris, this is quite the journey you are taking. I do hope that you get the help that you need. You do quite well with your English. I am from Canada. I had Bacterial Meningitis about 2 years ago. I am 58. I have a family history of depression and I struggle with that now more than ever. I go for psychotherapy and I take a small dose of medication. I try really hard to stay positive. I will pray for you that you will have joy in your life. Kind Regards, Jeffery