Ever since I recovered from bacterial meningitis and septicemea in 2006 and lost both legs below the knee.
I question how and why I survived at the age of 44 when children and young adults lost their lives to this horrible virus I feel guilty every time I hear of someone who has died through this. Has anyone else had similar feelings to this?
You must have had the strength to survive. Not everyone has that. They say that God doesn't give us what we cannot handle. He is obviously still at work here with you. Have Faith. Jeffery
Every test we come upon either it makes us bitter or better..every problem will make or break us. It up to us if we choose to be victors or victims.... My dear God spared u for reason rejoice & be grateful u still have to touch lives....
I recovered from pneumococcal meningitis over five years ago and,although, thankfully, have no after effects, I still feel very guilty. My lovely family say there's no need but ..............although the feelings have lessened as each anniversary passes, they remain. I have tried to accept this as the status quo.Perhaps you can try and use the whole experience (if you can call it that) to positive effect? You are a survivor, that's a great message.
I would reiterate the last few replies to you, you have been strong enough to live and have a purpose for doing so. I think also that guilt goes with the aftermath of this dreadful disease - maybe it touches us in a way that makes us reflect more upon our lives. I know I have spent a lot of my time in the last 3 years feeling guilty, not especially about staying alive, but just guilt, about everything. If I have even a small amount of alcohol ( subject often talked about on this site) I wake up in the night feeling dreadful guilt and I cant explain why, sometimes its not a specific reason just a feeling which I know of as guilt. You are here and you obviously still have some living to do and giving, maybe thats your purpose. I wish you love and less guilt as time goes by I hope you find joy again.
Hello, really wanted to post. I feel there can be alot of guilt involved for many regarding this illness. I feel guilt as my daughter also had baterial Men and i did not realise until the rash appeared that she was very ill, i thought she was asleep as it came on during the night. Even after two years i rack my brans as to how i didnt know and i feel guiltly all the time.....but life is for living and you have to live your life to full in the honour of others that didnt make it. Please dont feel guilty everyone has the strength and deserves to fight the disease. But the disease is violent and vile and comes in different strains and sadly for some people the illness cannot be overcome. Each day is a blessing to have our daughter here, she also is an amputee, a quadruple amputee below the joints. We have a happy and normal famiy life and our daughter is the light of our lives, very bright and is walking again in new private limbs. In the future we plan to help others by fundraising for Meningitis Charitys and we help where we can to raise awareness, as bobbyvere says maybe this is something you feel you can involved in when you are ready. Enjoy your life, you deserve too, good luck and take care.
Thanks for the replies I am a very positive person and have not let this illness take over my life, I am greatfull I survived and actually volunteer for the trust but the guilt hit like a sledgehammer each time I hear of a fatality. I try to live life to the full and work full time but it still hurts and the little niggles come back to haunt me. I know I cannot change anything and do my best to promote awareness of this illness maybe that's why I am still here.
Thanks to all of you
I had bacterial meningitus and septacaemia 9 years ago at the age of 37, I was so fortunate that my leg didnt need to be amputated in the end but was a close call. I have however ended up deaf on one side with terrible tinnitus and balance problems.My dear friend I was a succesful business woman travelling all over the world with a high paced life,I was determined to get back to get back to normal immediately after the illness and not let it take over my life, but discovered that mentally I had changed, even now whenever I see anyone especially children who have suffered losses more than me it tears me apart and even now I wonder how I got through this. The way forward is to realise that we are fortunate and must do as much as we can for other people. The illness taught me compassion and that life is a gift from God/ Allah in my case ,now I appreciate life more and take time to help others and focus on more important things and above all helping others. We are the lucky ones,we have survived to encourage and support each other and raise awareness . After 9 years I still cry and feel guilty at times but doing something good for others,even just bringing a smile to somreone less fortunate helps to overcome the guilt. Keep going my friend you have a positive attitude share it with others.
Yes I felt exactly like you - I had Bacterial meningitis when I ws 45 and rcovered. Unlike you I did not lose limbs. When I joined a local group of MT supporters and met parents who had lost their teenage children, and saw their devastation I did feel very guilty about still being here. However I look on it as being given a 'second chance' and try to help people. Hope your rehabilitation goes well, these negative feelings are all part of the shock of the illness, good luck, Rowan
I know what you mean Legless as i am the same, when i see of a family who have lost someone, be it on facebook, paper or by word of mouth i feelphysically sick. its makes you realise your very lucky to survive this nasty disease and so is our daughter. Take care and good luck to you
It is all part of the post traumatic shock of being so near to death.I was exactly thesame ,having by the grace of God survived bacterial Menin gitis and septicaemia.
I still weep when I read of those who die and those who are terrible damaged -it is a viscious ,cruel disease.I think because we can empathise,it makes us feel gulity?
But as others have wirtten above,you have been blessed to survive and you can turn this negative feeling of guilt into a positive by using your expereince to reach out and comfort others,fundraise,distribute awareness literature.This is why support groups are so wonderful as when you have had experience of real traumayou can really empathise with those who have been through similar situations,in a way that others cant?
I have been given the gift of a second chance at life and the MT has become both a purpose and mission for me.Meningitis has damaged me physically but spiritually and emotionally I am a richer more compassionate person 5yrs on.
Wishing you all the best on your journey.
I am sorry that you feel guilt, but there is a reason for everything, just some times we do not know why, i had VM, and was very lucky, this is why i spend a lot of time on this site for new people that come to it, to help and support, why not share you whole story, step by step, this may help just one person, but one person is all you need to do to help. have you talked to people? sometimes guilt can be a form of depression? you are a very brave person with what you said, and i am sure that you family are so happy you are with them
Hi me again, you was on my mind last night has anyone suggested that you may be suffering from Survivor guilt, maybe it would be something to look up or even better to talk to someone about?? i may be 100% off course on this
As a mother of a 2* meningitis survivor I verry much understand the gilt you are talking about. Only six months prior to my son being diagnosed with meningitis for the first time my friend had lost her little girl do to meningitis. So why is it every night I git to tell my son I love hhim and kiss him good night when my friend had to say goodbye to her little one? I will never understand meningitis all I can do is inform others and spread knowledge to do my part in maybe one day help save another family from the devastation meningitis can leave behind. Xoxoxo
3.5 years old boy with S. pneumoniae meningitis
Fuzzy head and leg jerks
Alone in the wilderness
Pneumococcal Meningitis
It’s not hearing loss, it’s Eustachian Tube Dysfunction (they think)
