Advice for elderly mother with cirrhosis who is not taking care of herself

[ConfusedSon]

Apologies if this isn't the correct forum, if I'm in the wrong place please point me in the right direction.

My mother, mid 60s, is an alcoholic and spent the better part of 40 years drinking at least 2 bottles of wine a day. Often more, never less. The family has tried to intervene in this several times over the years. The closest we came to any kind of success was getting her to agree to see a therapist around 10 years ago (she had an awful childhood, lots of unprocessed trauma etc, she had an alcoholic father and 2 sisters all of whom died due to alcohol related illnesses) which lasted 2 sessions.

Around Christmas she became really ill, bloated, lost a lot of weight, yellowing of the skin, mobility issues, general lethargy etc. After a lot of arguments and interventions from family and family friends, we finally got her to see a Dr.

She was quickly diagnosed with chronic liver cirrhosis and taken in for a few weeks of care and treatment to try and stabilise things. Before going in to hospital she had stopped drinking, cold turkey, but was and still is a shell of her former self. The NHS was fantastic in the whole process and despite this being entirely preventable and self inflicted, they treated her with dignity and respect and did everything they could to help.

Today, she's been out of the hospital for ca. 2 weeks as there was nothing more they could do medically. It's now just a question of rebuilding her strength, i.e. eating. She's been prescribed a protein rich diet consisting mainly of liquid supplements (protein shakes) as well as a balanced diet of normal food.

The issue we have now is that she's refusing to eat. She's never been big on food and survived mostly on wine and small meals here and there. Because of the weakness she's generally bed bound but has enough mobility to get from the bed to the bathroom and back. Nutrition is the single most important aspect of her recovery. We estimate she's having just a few hundred calories per day.

There's always some excuse and lots of disguised compliance, but the result is the same. We've tried meal plans with fixed timing, ad-hoc feeding and it all results in a lot of wasted food.

Two days ago she fell whilst walking and cracked her head. Luckily no concussion but the amount of blood looked like a horrific crime scene. She also appears have some level of incontinence as the bathroom is an horrific mess after she uses it.

My father is on the tail-end of leukemia treatment and whilst he's active and mobile, doesn't have the strength to run around after her all day and is out of the house a few days a week for work. My younger brother is going through some health issues so he's largely incapacitated and my sister has all but given up hope and is growing distanced from the situation to protect her own family. I live and work abroad and have been visiting regularly to try and support my father in all this, but that's not a long term solution.

So, after that wall of text, what options do we have to ensure that my father doesn't over exert himself whilst my mother slowly kills herself? I'm sure this isn't an isolated case and would love some advice on what support systems exist in the UK (government or private) and does anyone have any experience with a similar situation?

We've all been suffering with this for a very long time and have tried whatever we can to support her and get her help but now it feels like it's just a case of watching her wither away. I'm ever the optimist and hope there's something that can be done here.

[EnglishRoots]

Hello,

I realize this is a tremendous stressor for you, because you have your Father, and brothers illness as well. However without being critical towards you. You mentioned your Mother's situation is "self inflicted and could have been avoidable ". Alcoholism really is a disease, you mentioned your Mom suffered from a lot of trauma growing up. I guess her drinking through the years was to self medicate". I was diagnosed with end stage alcohol induced cirrhosis and alcohol hepatitis in June 2019.

I've been sober since the day of my diagnosis, a long journey back, I almost died. I had every horrible symptom of cirrhosis, ascities, HE, severe muscle wasting, severe malnutrition etc. excessive diarrhea,.I'm doing well, so recovery from the booze, and body is possible. Every case is different I will always have 6 month blood work, and ultrasounds till the day I day. Nothing is guaranteed, liver cancer is a risk as well. I don't mean to bring this back to myself, your question is about your Mom. I avoided Drs for years so I didn't know the damage being done to my liver. The stage of drinking that I was at Alcohol became medicinal at that point I Needed it to function. The disease took over there was no controlling it. So from what you have said it's probably where your Mom ended up. Please, try and not judge her, it's a very complex disease and she may have suffered with depression and anxiety many-of us alcoholics do. An alcoholic brain is different the brain "adapts " to the drink" unlike other people.

Once diagnosed with cirrhosis all alcohol must stop, drugs, etc. It is the hardest drug to detox from in terms of danger especially. One can die, unlike drug addiction. It took me hitting rock bottom to finally STOP. It's no longer an option it's literally life and death.

I hope your Mom will find a way to stop for good. Whatever way she can. I pray for you and your wellbeing, and peace of mind through the horrible hell of alcoholism. I'm sure you have dealt with a hell of a lot throughout the years with this as well.

Fondly,

Susan