The words keep getting stuck in my throat

[Fibroska]

I am so Ffed-up being me.

I wake in pain, absolutely everything I do causes additional and or heightened pain, I can't seem to stop looking after the household and those within, it takes me all day to do one or two chores, pacing all activities; which leaves me completely, physically and mentally knackered by 7/7:30pm, and unable to do anything for myself.

I'm not the best at talking and this past couple of years it has become increasingly difficult, I can't seem to be assertive, the whole Corona Virus highlighted how stressful my family's working/studying daily lives actually are; I feel my expectations are too high and that it's not worth adding to their stress.

How do I get through to those supporting me, that I can not sustain the lifestyle I am keeping, and that I need them to step up and physically help me out.

Any advice/opinion will be greatly received, Thank You in advance.

Remember and be kind to yourself.

Stay safe, keep well and be strong.

[Db74 Moderator]

Hey fibroska, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I think the close proximity we are all living in just now really amplifies tensions and frustrations in our lives. One of the most important lessons that I took from the pmp was to value my time and what I needed and to realise I wasn't being selfish if I chose to do what I felt was right for me to control my pain. I would agree to take on tasks because other people were working and I thought since I wasn't I should do more to help out. Once I realised that was unsustainable and was really affecting me I recognised that unless I spoke up and told people how difficult this was for me I couldn't expect them to understand... people aren't mind readers.

It's hard to come to terms with your limitations and even harder to tell others that you aren't able to do things but once you do it'll make things much easier for you. Maybe make a list of the things you'd like to say to let your family know how you're feeling.

I hope you manage to improve your situation and maybe others in the group could offer better advice than me. I'm sure most of us have had similar problems with the people in our Iives. If you're feeling down and could be doin with someone to chat with feel free to give me a shout.

[Fibroska in reply to Db74]

Thank You so much for your kindness, it's much appreciated.

I do understand that nobodies a mind reader and that them knowing is a better thing all round, i really don't know why i can't seem to communicate this.

It's prob. more to do with the latter point you made, and me not wanting to admit to that I can no longer do, I hadn't thought about it along those lines, gives me something to work through.

Thanks again, remember and be kind to yourself.

Stay safe, keep well and be strong.

[LesE62 in reply to Fibroska]

Hey Fibroska, I'm sorry you're feeling like this.The coronavirus situation has affected everything and everyone I think and of course that affects our thinking and thoughts.

Perhaps your loved ones haven't thought you were struggling because of all you have been doing or trying to do, looks like 'outwardly' you appear to be coping ok?!

You say that people aren't mindreaders and that is true but remember we discussed at the PMP that it is OK and in fact the best approach, to have these discussions with family/loved ones albeit that may be difficult to do.

I am sure they would also rather that you think of yourself in this and be aware that you can't do all that you have been trying to do. So really try to have that convo as I'm sure they wouldn't want you to be feeling like this. As you say, some of this is that perhaps that you don't want to admit you can't do all that you have been and this is so difficult.

I am pointing this out to you too, although this is very much how I feel about my situation. Tbh I think this is my main problem so it is very much 'a work in progress'.

So easy to advise others but again from PMP, I think it is beneficial to look AT our situation and problems rather than from WITHIN and surrounded by them. I honestly feel it grounds me a little.

Hope you are feeling better soon and always here to chat.

Take care and be kind to yourself xx

[Db74 Moderator in reply to Fibroska]

Hey fibroska, I'm sorry if I came across as patronising when I said people aren't mindreaders... I didn't mean to. I was prob reflecting on how I couldnae expect people to know or respect my limitations if I wasn't willing to except them myself. Once I accepted that I couldnae do all the things I used to be able to and could admit it to others it made my life much easier.

[Fibroska in reply to Db74]

No, no, sorry Db74 you didn't come across as patronising at all, it was just that I am aware of these things, just when you are caught in that moment, you can't see the woods for the trees. Sorry If I seemed annoyed or whatever, i certainly didn't mean to, I really appreciate everyone's time in replying to me, the support is everything, especially when I'm finding it hard with those closest to me.It's so easy to get stuck in your head at times and I know once I do manage to have that conversation, everything will be so much easier.

Thank you so much for your care, sending warm wishes and gentle hugs.

Stay safe, keep well and be strong.

Remember and be kind to yourself.

[Db74 Moderator]

It was nothing you said, i didn't think you were. I just thought the manner in which I meant it maybe didn't come across when I read it back, I do tend to overthink things though tbh.🤦‍♂️ I hope you're doing a wee bit better than you were and can at least enjoy possibly only the week of summer we'll likely get. If there's anything I can help you with gimme a shout. I do try to get on here most days.