Hi I'm new here

[ToyIla]

Hi I'm afab but always knew I was different somehow, although it took me at least 20yrs to work out I was not cis and another 10 to come out as nonbinary, specifically bigender.

I've started making some social transitions, switching to they/them pronouns as I feel they respect both sides of my gender the best, changing to a more neutral short of my name that I've wanted to use since I was a teen, changed up my wardrobe to get rid of a lot of clothes (tops specifically) that always made me feel uncomfortable to wear (they were hand me downs post losing weight a few years ago). I've also been binding to reduce the size of my chest, which really helps, although currently can't do this as much as I'd like partly due to working in a kitchen, partly due to pre-existing rib condition. I also pack... constantly 😅 which was honestly the thing which fixed in my mind that I was nonbinary, since it made the voice in my head that had been asking me for years 'why can't I be both' very happy.

Anyway after work being extra stressful for unrelated reasons, and being misgendered very blatantly when getting my second covid jab (I was wearing a pronoun badge, which said my pronouns were they/them pretty clearly, but the individual dealling with me still referred to me as 'lady', which is the descriptor I hate the most, and used she/her when checking something with the doctor to do with the reaction to my first jab), I decided it was time to actually talk to my GP about my gender situation.

So I did, although I missed off the packer part because I get a little embarrassed admitting to using one, since I hate the idea of people focusing on what's between my legs, and a lot more self conscious about that bit of me than probably any other. Anyway I now have a referral to my nearest gender services for counselling to help me figure out where I want to go from here. But since it'll probably take a while for my first appointment I'm looking for a little support in the mean time from those in similar situations. And also to offer support to others, since I genuinely find being there for others helps me figure things out too.

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Hello welcome

[Nanii]

Too bad there's not much happening here. I used the search function to find posts about sexuality gender. Yours is not too old comparingly... Anyway, very interesting story. Really **** the nurse didn't use the pronouns you wanted. I guess it still takes time to get settled sociologically. Hope you already got counseling in the mean time and it's helping. It has been 7 months now. You have my support at least, I think you're a super interesting person. Don't know to say much more, cause I'm not in the same situation. I'm not that confused about my gender (more sexually), I've always felt a manly part inside and before I knew about the existance of gender in sociological sense, I just accepted that side of me since small. I love the idea of nonbinary. People who are not able to adjust to it (yet), simply don't understand the heavy influences of social constructs. They are not social construct for nothing: they run deep and wide. They (those people) can't help that either. But social constructs change over time, so nonbinary will evolve into it I think.

[Nanii]

I think I would be an "I-don't-care-what-pronoun-you-use-for-me" kinda person. So in that sense I've never had problems wich "she/her". But being mistaken for "he/him" I always found funny or in some moods could even give me a confidence boost, because at least that person recognized I'm not fully woman, even though that person might say "oh sorry sorry!" afterwards. I would just laugh and say it's totally fine. I think if nonbinary pronounce get more intergrated, I wouldn't mind being called they/them or whatever. I just don't care.

[MalachiteAli]

Hi there. I am NB and still finding my feet. I have a chronic pain condition - endometriosis that takes up most of my headspace. My mum is a transphobe prob a terf really, altho there's loads of aspects of her which I love, this had made it hard to develop an understanding of myself because I think I had internalised the transphobia. She particularly doesn't understand NB, doesn't believe in it, which is really hard and means I've struggled to establish my identity. I've lived away from her for much of my life, but still see her regularly because I have kids and she is obv grandma.

My daughter (8) is fully supportive of NB identities particularly because of watching AJ win on the great pottery throw down. But I'm still not properly confident to be me, though I do feel like I'm letting myself and my kids down by not being true to myself. It'd be good to hear more about your experience of speaking to GP and gender clinic as I'd never thought of approaching them as I'm not sure I need any treatment as such.

I'm also entrenched in endo treatment, awaiting autism assessment and MH support, as well as working full-time in MH myself, running a smallholding with partner (fully supportive), parenting two kids, supporting a family member with an assault court case and involved in political activism. It's a lot atm. I also like binding but don't wear a packer, don't yet have a proper binder, just wear too tight sports bras. I have shortened my name to something more neutral but don't yet use it with everyone. I'm not properly out yet. I'd quite like to change my surname too, but that would mark a definite break with unsupportive family.