Hi everyone.

[Jackp16]

Hi, my name is Jack. I'm trans ftm. I'm out to everyone in my life but something feels wrong to me about myself, my body. Where I'm from you have to be 18 years old to start medically transitioning. For the past few months my dysphoria has been extremely difficult to manage, I can't stand my body, I want to rip my chest off, I want to be normal for once in my life.

My life is a mess right now. I'm sorry this whole thing may be a rant with a few questions thrown in so I apologise in advance. My ex girlfriend(who is my best friend) and I broke up recently, which was heartbreaking, still is but I understand she needs her time to herself but we still act like a couple when we are together a lot of them time, we have kissed on occasions but we're not together. Our friendship is completely different and it's break my heart, I feel like I've lost her as my best friend, I don't think I can talk to anymore about things I've only told her that I don't feel comfortable taking about with others. I feel completely alone even tho i know she and my other friends will listen to me and be there for me but I honestly sometimes don't know how I'm feeling and when people are telling me to tell them what's going on with me I don't have the words to describe how I'm feeling... I just don't want to be here anymore.. But people ask me why and I say its over dysphoria and other things but they 9dnt understand that dysphoria literally is killing me and I know some people think thats dramatic but it's how I feel.

I have depression but I think there something else there as well. But i don't know how to help myself anymore or if I even want to try anymore.

My life feels all over the place but compared to other people I know it's okay, I feel like I should just stop taking about my problems and keep them to myself and just try help others. I don't even know anymore... I marry for this long paragraph thingy.

[Christene Administrator]

Hello Jack,

Sounds like its the dysphoria that is dragging you down, the constant suppression of your true self is what causes the depression, and the transition process will help with that as you progress. From what you have said, and looking at your profile image, I'm guessing you are from the USA, I love that image by the way, brings back memories of my trip to the Canyon. The age thing is tough, but these guidelines are their for a reason, and we all have to live by them, I hope you are not too far away from being able to move on with that ... here in the UK their is a growing trend that is causing some concern, relating to the amount of young (10+) people that are being offered Puberty Blockers, this could also be causing harm ... hey ho, we all have to live by someone else's guidelines ....

Relationships can be tricky, sometimes your SO just needs time to grieve, to mourn the loss of their SO, sometimes they can come to terms with it and understand that the person they loved is still the same person, inside, but they want to display a physical representation of their true self, their inner self.

Your life is most definitely not over, you have much to look forward to, not least being your transition to your true self ... hopefully not long to go ... then you have the rest of your life to screw it all up again and again, just like everyone else ....

Keep in touch, let us know how you are getting on, or just come back for a chat ...