So after having our private scan with no heart beat @6 w/k 5 days my Dr got me on with epu for a scan, 2 nhs scans later with still no heart beat and a week between scans again they have told us to come back Wednesday for another scan 😭 before they will do anything because there looked like there was a small development , there not even saying that there is hope they are saying because we don't fit all the crietier they ethically can't do medical management or d&c. This is just mental torture!
Me and my husband have given up any hope of a happy ending we just can't understand why they are dragging it out so long, we were just sat there dumb struck last week when they said we have to go back next week 😭. I would of been 9 weeks last week with still no heartbeat I just wish they would move the process on.
Oh honey, this is absolutely awful and totally not what you need or deserve!!😢 I can't say I've heard of something like this happening. I can't offer any words of wisdom. My heart breaks for you both!!💔 Lots of love to you both, hang on tight to each other!!xxxx
I know that's what I keep thinking every one seems to get scanned twice and then get whatever is next.
I don't know where we keeping getting our strength from ☹. I said to my hubby maybe we need to ask for 2nd opinion if they send us home again but hubby isn't keen on that.
Thank you for your support I hope your doing well xx
I'm not sure what they mean by developments but they obviously see something that has progressed. Could you maybe ask to speak to a Dr next time? I do understand your hubby not wanting to be a bother to ask for another opinion but I really think it would at least give you some answers as to why they are managing you in the way that they are!!
Not sure I'm much support, wish I could give you the biggest cuddle!! You guys are both doing great & i dont know where you are getting your strength from either.....!!😘xx
It's something that they coukdnt see last time , but of course you never get the same sonographer twice so is it something that someone missed last time and not actually a development.
I think I will just ask for 2nd opinion if they send us away again, and kick my husband if he objects 🤣.
Your a huge support just someone responding makes me feel like I'm not alone xx
Yes I think you should ask to speak to someone to get a proper explanation, even if they don't intend on sending you away. If nothing else it will help settle your mind & answer all your questions. Hope you don't have to kick hubby though!!😯 Mind you thats what they're there for!!😂xxxx
This brings back some memories for me last November I had to go back for a, rescan after 10 days then after another week because of developments but no heartbeat. It's mental torture I know. They do this because there has been times when the embryo develops slowly and they don't want to finalise anything incase its not the case one way or another. I asked my miscarriage consultant why did she take so long in finalizing the desicion. That's the answer I got. Huge hugs my love I'm so sorry you having to go through this.
I know hun it's absolute torture. It was one of the worst experiences iv had.
It really is a tough time and we feel we know and just want to move on but that's also been taken away from us. I thinking of u lovely. Here if you need to chat.
Ridiculous!! We had a bit of a fight on our hands when I wanted a D and C. They insisted I had to go back for another scan in a week as I could have gotten my dates wrong. Thing is we’d seen the heartbeat at the clinic and the next time it wasn’t there. I begged and pleaded with the hospital. I told them it was an ivf pregnancy and if it didn’t have a heartbeat and wasn’t measuring what it should then it was never going to. I told them to check with the clinic, which they did via phone call and after telling us they still didn’t agree, they gave consent “on our heads be it” so to speak. I’m so sorry they’re dragging this out. All you probably want now is for this nightmare to be over xx
As if what your going through isn't enough to have to fight with them really isn't fair, I said to my hubby that if they send us home again this week I want to ask for 2nd opinion but he isn't keen 😢 I think I might just have to open my gob as it's me that's physically going through this.
I was reading your medical management post last night , must admit it scared me a little but I now feel like I'm better prepared for what I might face. I also made my hubby read it, he agreed that it was well written and I think it opened his eyes a bit to see what I might face.
That’s the only reason I posted it in the way I did, I feel an honest account is the best way. I wasn’t prepared for medical management to be honest. They didn’t really tell me what to expect but I stand by it being the right decision for me. I don’t regret going down that route. Good luck to you whatever you decide. If I’ve helped in any way I’m pleased with that xx
To be honest they seem to be pushing me down medical management, so yes you definatly have helped. I'm glad you said you don't regret doing it that way.
They certainly don't give people enough information about what to expect ect so I'm grateful for your honestly 😊 xx
I’m so sorry to read this, I remember this mental torture from my first mmc just scan after scan. I really wish there was something I could say to make it easier, maybe on Wednesday if there still not moving things forward you could ask to speak to a consultant. Thinking of you both xx
You just don't realise how many people have scan after scan as you say, it's hortible when they do stomach scan and your laid knowing that there going to say do you mind if I do internal scan .... as if your going to object ☹, although I do feel like screaming just leave me alone !
Your right I'm going to ask for consultant if they want to scan me again after Wednesday xx
I know it’s awful that they don’t seem to care how hard it is being in limbo. I’m never really sure why they don’t just do an internal scan straight away as like you say you know there going to ask to do it.
Hope you get some answers Wednesday, I know it’s hard but together try and push now for what you both want, you need to be able to begin to grieve xx
So awful for you. I was sent away after my second scan when I had a missed miscarriage to see whether I miscarried naturally. It is a very, very hard time. Sending you strength to help you get through it and love to help you heal xxxxx
That's awful that you were sent away to see if you miscarried naturally, I wondered if they just keep scanning and putting treatment off to see if it happens naturally instead of them having to take action.
Thank you xx
I'm so sorry to read your having to go through all this on top of everything else. It must be so difficult! My local EPU made me wait 2 weeks to be rescanned then tell you to go away & think how you want to manage the miscarriage. I told them straight away after the 2nd scan that I wanted a ERPC then had to wait another 10 days. I wanted surgical management as I didn't want to see anything or have the bleeding etc. Of course after waiting almost a month for the ERPC I started to miscarry naturally & ended up being rushed to A & E with a real heavy bleed. I don't think they understand how hard being in limbo is. I get why they rescan etc but I think they could manage miscarriages better. I hope on Wednesday they are helpful. Sending you lots of love x
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🙈 oh god I hope they don't send me away to think about how I want to manage it , there will be tears and snot everywhere .... 10 days that's ridiculous ☹ and seems so unfair, and you ended up in a even worse position while you were waiting.
They could definatly handle misscarrages better , talking to us more would be a good start .
With our first ivf miscarriage, at the first scan it was measuring smaller, but there was a heartbeat, so we had to go back for another scan. This continued until the scan at 9+5 weeks where no heartbeat was seen and a second sonographer was present for that scan as a second opinion.
They advised that with a natural miscarriage, your body recovers itself better with hormones etc. I had spotting the next day (Thursday) so knew it was already beginning.
I wanted my body to do what it needed, as there is still always that hope in the back of your head that something might change....
As I’d been having acupuncture during the ivf, I asked my therapist if there was anything she could do. There was and the spotting and aches gradually built up over the days from seeing her on the Saturday and the main part of the miscarriage took place on the Sunday night into Monday.
The clinic had arranged another scan for 7/10 days later, to; A. if the miscarriage had already started to see what remained or B. If nothing had happened, to discuss the alternative options.
The spotting etc was on and off in to week 12, which meant more scans until it had finally completed.
I’ll be honest, it did drag on, but I’d heard some nightmares with the other methods, so feel this was best for me. I just didn’t want to be at work when my body kicked in properly....thankfully I wasn’t.
It might be worth calling the Tommy’s Charity, as some ladies on here have spoken with them and they sound to be lovely and supportive....
I’d be inclined to call up this week to get some more info?
Siiiggghh so the future is definatly more dildo cams then 😔.
It just feels like mental torture and I certainly felt on my own till I posted on here.
My first miscarriage was natural, and happened at work ☹ , this time I'm on the sick and certainly not going back till it's all over and I feel 100% ready to go back.
To be honest I'd probably prefer natural but I also want it over and done with now , that might sound awful but like you say there is always the what if in the back of your mind and I need a bit of closure one way or another before I go mad.
I never thought of ringing tommys whist going through this, I will certainly give it a go 😊.
Congrats on falling naturally hun, it's, happened once it can happen again. I know it's a difficult time right now, falling on naturally after 3 rounds of ivf is a positive in it self lovely 😘💖
I’m so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I can’t imagine how agonising it must be for you and your husband. Sending you lots of love and I’m thinking of you xx
This is just soul destroying that they can’t give you any answers and you are left to imagine the worst.
I just wanted to say I was thinking of you xx
Thank you xx
I'm so sorry to hear this. This same thing happened to me in December with my mm. I was 3 scans 10 days apart where I felt I was still hoping for a miracle instead of being able to miscarry and move forward. They just said they wanted/needed to give every pregnancy the best chance possible as dates may be wrong - even though with IVF you know exactly. I ended up asking if there was anything else that could be done for second opinion to end the limbo and they started tracking my hcg levels and did bloods every 2 days in between second and third scan so they could track the falling hormone. It was horrible time and I did feel like it just dragged on. You will get through it. Sending lots of love x
I know they want to give pregnancy best possible chance, but also feel they must know now before we tick all the boxes on their sheets ☹.
I'm just feeling fed up for myself at the moment I think and I've had enough of been prodded and poked.
I think I will definatly give them a push if they say they need to scan me again after Wednesday and hopefully they will do more xx
Oh hon, I really feel for you. You just want this one with now so you can have some closure on the nightmare that’s happening to you and begin the grieving process. This happened to us too with our 2nd MMC. They had to do several scans over 3 weeks after the initial scan showed there were abnormalities and it was so hard dragging the pain out like that. I believe it is to do with the health system guidelines that they need to have two successive scans proving that the pregnancy isn’t viable before they can officially call it that and begin medical management.
I’m sending big hugs to you and hope the nightmare is over soon xxx
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Miscarriage hi 
Viability scan - in total limbo
*sensitive* UPDATE. 8 week scan tomorrow
Update 
Sorry not be on for long time....
