So many doubts

Hi I've been trying to get pregnant for 2 years now and after some pressure towards my gp he finally refered me to the infertility clinic and on the first day was said I need lap because they sw some fluid in my tubes.I wasn't prepared to hear that but I thought that it was the best way to find something, but after the surgery I was even worse when was told that both tubes were blocked and my only solution was to have open surgery or go straight to Ivf.

I was shocked because the doctor didn't discused nothing just told me to decide what I wanted to do and by the way I would have to pay the treatment because my parter was already kids from previous relationship. ..

I wasn't expecting that in just 2 appointments all my hopes would be crushed and no other information was given

9 Replies

  • Hi, sorry to hear you're going through this. A report following your lap will have been sent to your gp which may give more detail - you can ask to see a print out of this at your gp reception.

    Re. What was found. I'm not sure that there would be much further discussion around things anyway, either you can have surgery to correct your anatomy or have treatment that bypasses the tubes and has a high chance of success.

    What I would suggest is finding out what surgical procedure he recommended, research it online and try and suss things out in a support group or Google to find posts of ladies who've been through it. At the same time research fertility clinics and options there, maybe have a consultation with a doc at your clinic of choice to discuss your treatment options/payment plans/waiting times etc.

    I know it must seem really unfair the rule on previous kids etc. I suppose it's the only way they keep ivf sustainable on the nhs. If it's any consolation people get really annoyed about the postcode lottery too. My friend had one ivf that wasn't successful, now she has to pay, if she lived ten minutes down the road she'd have another 2 goes for free!!

    Your chance at a family hasn't been completely crushed - your womb and ovaries are ok so that is a big plus! As is the fact they didn't find anymore serious disease. Focus on the positives and take care of yourself. Remember doctors are not always right, we have a family member who was told the same thing, she kept trying and her little boy is now 3!

  • Aww thanks for your words applebird and yes I have decided for the surgery it's going to be next month,everyone have been saying that there's high chance to get pregnant naturally once they unblock the tubes so I'm going forward because at the moment we can't fund the ivf on our own...regarding the funding I know they have to control because there's no enough money for everyone but then why they don't find a solution where we could only pay half of it because its not easy to arrange 7k at least I speak for my self..because why in some places they can receive 3 and others just one or none ??I don't want to give up on my dream but it's so exhausting and even worse when we have friends keep getting pregnant without want it...

  • Great news that you've decided to go ahead with the surgery and beyond amazing that it's happening so quickly!! Never heard of that before, so fab!!! If they're working on you laparoscopically it isn't that bad and since they're only working on one small area you'll recover quite well.

    I understand it's frustrating, if they had 3+ ivf for everyone it would just encourage more women to wait into their 40s if they think they can get free treatment which really isn't healthy. We're really worried about the costs too, I have endometriosis and adenomyosis, been through 4 surgeries and booked for fifth. Trying since may just, 1 miscarriage but hopeful maybe I will be able to carry normally at some point. Where we are its 1 ivf, though there's a fight for 2. Scotland is 2. England works on a local council basis where individual councils allocate funds according to need, so if your area is under pressure with other services it likely means ivf won't be a priority!

    I know it's exhausting! We are six years into this now, my husband's seen me through everything, 2 ops were major Inc. Partial bowel resection, needed at hysterectomy at 27, but as I've no kids they won't sign off on it so health continuing to worsen. It's so hard I agree when you see people making zero effort to provide a stable upbringing for their kids and get blessed. Whereas we have to go through all this physical and emotional trauma... Life can seem very unfair at times, keep your chin up - your time will come :-) xx

  • I had to decide on that day and I think that I have great chances in get pregnant after the surgery so I have to try it at least till I gather all the money that we need for the ivf...Yes it was fast really fast that's why my head is still spinning because on my first appointment I had to go to a laparoscopy and on the second one I was due to another surgery so I want to believe it will be all for a good reason..I can believe that you are going through all that and going for your fifth surgery, I can say honestly you are my hero because you have been through so much and you are not willing to give up because you know what you want and I really really hope that one day you will have your baby you deserve it. .xx

  • Great advice from Applebird and great news that you are going to have the surgery so soon. This is what Professor Winston recommends in his fertility course before resorting to IVF. Good luck with the surgery, recovery and hope you are able to conceive naturally soon.

  • Thank you I really hope that I can and will do everything to help myself for that..

  • Great advice and thoughts Applebird. Good luck with your treatment too.

  • Thank you! You're doing great considering all this has come out the blue for you - trust that you'll feel a lot better in month's time when the surgery is over and you'll just have to recover :-)

    You could get a copy of 'what to expect when you're expecting' to read - a good chunk of it is pre-conception advice and you can start to prepare for your wee one who I'm sure won't be too far in coming along ;-) You'll appreciate it all the more after being through all this. No matter what happens, focus on the positives, do what makes you happy and always hold on to hope. Lots of luck for the surgery and a quick recovery xx

  • Thank you once again for your words they mean a lot,because sometimes I get very lonely even with my hubby support because I think only other women can understand what I'm going through... I really hope that your next surgery wiil be the last so you can start the treatment again...