Alone.

[WorkoutMind]

I can't believe that I have to do the work without the support of my parents (deal with my learning disabilities and mental illnesses). My mother was a teacher who never gave me emotional/mental support but abusive treatment all my life. When my first high school teacher gave remedies for my low grades, she said "we will accept that she is like that". How rude!!! My dad didn't say anything. This comment is like the 2nd thing that my mother has abandon me which the first was dissociating the truth that I was abused at a younge age by a baby sitter. She asked him only to believe his lie of wrong doing!!!There was so many other reasons in the past that indicated that I needed help. They dismissed my learning disabilities which escalated to mental illnesses. I have an abusive past that I don't want to scare anyone with the details. I believe this is how I got a disability but bad parenting is associated with this. I am an adult which I am embarrass to admit. I bet you think that I am not.....I just am going to a "trigger" about my past that I became a disability. While my 2 younger sisters are the ideal accomplish and successful ones. I really hate my mother for what she did. I know she could be able to support me because I hear her give advice to my sisters and her friends that she wouldn't to me. First, I never go to her because she is abusive, rude, mean, gossiper who would tell every thing to others......a narcissistic!!!How could you trust a mother or a sister too like that. I kept everything to myself....I develop bad communication skills that I have bad relationships. Therefore, anyone has advice to how to empower one to skill up for yourself when it comes to talking....

[Kanani]

Dear Workout,

I spent many years being angry about an abusive family and watched siblings descend into mental illness as a result of neglect and abuse. First, you are right to be angry and it is important to know that what happened and is still happening is not right and not your fault. It is not about you. Your mother is the problem and it sounds as if she is manipulating your sisters as well (though that is no excuse for their behaviour).

Anger takes a lot of energy but it is an important part of breaking away from your family, and truly rejecting their view of you. Of course you are an adult - as a child you would be blaming yourself, rather than having the power to be angry.

At the same time, the most important thing is to use as much of your energy as possible in helping yourself, and getting what assistance you can from knowledgeable people (the college services?) to help you to build a solid foundation. You can only do this one bit at a time, and sometimes it is difficult to see progress - be patient. Know that every moment you can spend on yourself is a moment that your mother can not steal from you.

Also, don't waste energy trying to convince your family or other people your mother controls, that they are wrong. Your anger will show through and you mother will only be able to say "you see what I mean, what I have to put up with..." or whatever.

Make a life for yourself, but take your time. Make friends SLOWLY. You will be vulnerable to being exploited (if you are like me) by people who claim to be friends. There are too many people out there who can spot someone who is vulnerable and use them. Again, THEY are the ones who are weak, as they need to use others and can't stand on their own two feet. Learn to be happy in your own company and also in the company of acquaintances doing something you are all interested in (a class, a walk, anything to get out). I say "acquaintances" rather than "friends", as it takes a lot of practice to socialise well. Practice! Again, make friends slowly.

Finally, because of what you have been through, in time you will be able to help others because you will have understanding and empathy. This is a great gift and one that, strangely, your mother will be partially responsible for. Her jaw will drop years from now when you thank her for being such a bad mother and small, cruel person!

You are a survivor, and you will be ok. Look after yourself.

Kanani

[WorkoutMind in reply to Kanani]

Your comment is very inspirational. Thank you for choosing me to share your story and experiences!! I have been working very hard on myself but I had a "spell". I am going for further help. Yet I just caught my family disregard my mental health as a "nothing"!! I really see what you mean. Thank you. If you want Kanani, you can tell me about your self??? Maybe I can help you too. Don't be shy. You can disclose as much as you want. It is the least I can do for your reply.