How to get over this??

I find it very difficult but I'm still married but now separated. My soon to be ex husband was very loving at first. We known each other since we were kids and gother together and was together over 19 years and married 9years (well still am) but he used to say horrible things then it got to him pushing me and you can guess what else happened. The one thing that sticks with me is one time he come home drunk and I was in bed and this point our little girl was in her own room thank god. He woke me up and got into bed and started pulling the covers off me so I grabbed them back as I was cold the next thing he was on top of me with a pillow over my face name calling ect. Then he got off me and punched me straight in the nose blood everywhere along with a fat lip and I crawled out if the bed and I saw my little girl sleeping in her bed and I went down stairs and didn't know what to do. In the morning all he kept saying was sorry sorry. I was silly enough to have another child but iam free and now my children are 9years and 5years old. I left which is over 2years but I still feel ashamed,hurt and suffering depression. I have a new partner but it's the fear. I still cry at times will it ever go away?

8 Replies

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  • Hello there Happyheart

    Apologies for the delay in replying. You've been through so much that it's very normal that you would feel fearful at times, it will fade but it's always there isn't it? You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed for, hurt and depressed I can understand and although you've moved on, DV doesn't just go away in your mind. Have you thought of asking your doctor to refer you for talking therapies? maybe this is something that would help you ad your depression too.

    Take good care of yourself and please do stay in touch.

    Chloe

  • Hi there Happyheart

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been through such a terrible time, but I am also glad to hear that you have tried to start a new life. Like Chloe has said, I apologise for not having got back to you a lot sooner than this. Please take the time to read my apology post!

    Unfortunately when you go through something like you have, it is extremely hard to ever forget it. Things may trigger off the thoughts of when it happened, which then make you feel ashamed and extremely hurt. As Chloe mentions, as it's still playing a big part of your life, it may be worth trying to seek someone who you can confide in. We do have some links that may be helpful to you, but if you just want to talk, then it's definitely worth a trip to the doctor for you to be referred to someone who has experience in helping victims like yourself. Remember though, you do not have anything to feel ashamed about. It wasn't you that attacked! In time, I'm sure you will start to feel more comfortable and you will be able to put this behind you, but it's going to take time. Take baby steps, one step at a time. In the meantime, if you want to talk any more, we're here.

    Take care

    Tracy xx

  • Thank you both for replying to me much appreciated. I did go to councillor but made me feel silly. I just don't want to feel this way forever but I expained to my new partner I can't help think about the past and what happened but been to the doctor and I've still got to carry on with the depression tablets and I can't ever see me coming off them but be nice to keep in touch with u both x

  • Hi Happyheart

    I'm sorry to hear that when you went to see a councillor that it made you feel silly. Can I ask why you felt that way? Did the councillor make you feel like that? The good thing is that you have managed to talk to your new partner about a few things, which in the long run may help you to realise that you didn't deserve to have been treated that way and show that not all men are the same! Also, hopefully in time, what happened in the past will start to recede. As for the depression tablets, try not to worry about having to take them long term. I have been on them for many many years now. The main problem you may face is after some time you may not feel they are helping you as much as you require. If that the case then let you doctor know, as the prescription can always be changed if necessary I'm sure!

    It would be great to keep in touch for sure! You know where we are, so drop us a line to let us know how you are getting on!

    All the best.

    Tracy Xx

  • The doctor sent me to the councillor and when I got there it was a group thing and I made myself stay but I just felt so uncomfortable. But the funny thing was I saw my friend in the group and we got chatting so it was nice to open up well not about the violence I haven't said as yet again I feel silly. But thanks for your reply xx

  • Shame it was a group thing and not a one to one as I always think group sessions make things a lot more difficult. I'm glad you at least saw a friend there. Never feel silly, although I know exactly what you mean. I have never told anyone about mine and i don't think I ever could really, but a few people from where I used to work knew what was happening due to the tell tale signs. I hated that as It is something that we feel ashamed about, although it's not our fault. Well at least now you have somewhere where you can come and chat when you're feeling down about things. Just sharing how you're feeling under the circumstances can make a big difference.

    Take care

    Tracy xx

  • It does help and now my new partner only been together for 7 months decided he needs a break from us and I just don't know where to put myself as I trusted him and of course I did fall in love. Maybe a break will do him good I don't know but I feel so alone x

  • I'm really sorry to hear that your partner has decided he wants time apart. Did you have any idea that he was feeling this way? Did he give you a reason at all? I'm sorry if you think I'm being nosey, my questions aren't meant in that way. Can I ask how long ago you mentioned what had happened to you to him? Like you say, it may do him some good to have a break, and it may help you in the long run. I can fully appreciate how you must be feeling, it can't be nice to suddenly find yourself on your own when you thought everything was going ok. Try take each day as it comes and try think of new things you may be able to do with yourself when you get time. If you can keep your mind occupied it will hopefully lessen the pain that you're going through. Easier said than done I know, but it's worth a try, maybe? Don't be afraid to write on here or if you do prefer to chat one to one with either myself or Chloe, then please let us know, as we'd be happy to do if you did prefer to, ok?

    Xx