I
Thief
Coward
I hate
hate
hate you
I never asked to know you
Never invited you
yet you forced yourself
on me
and you refuse to go away
Unwelcome enemy
We glare at each other
sworn enemies
We ignore one another
and swear our indifference
I do all these things to drive you away
to hide you
to at the very least silence you
And sometimes you are hushed
quiet
But we’ve played this game too long and
I know
You are with me
Always
Unwelcome enemy
Thief
Coward
I hate
hate
hate you
When did you become the biggest part of me?
You are with me
Always
II
My thief
my coward
my uninvited guest
I can’t fight you
can’t destroy you
for you are mine
You’ve taken things that were not yours
ha-things I never knew had value
and things I relied on and
was smugly fond of
Pretty
Grace
Shapely
Fast
Swift
Sure
Undetermined confidence
undirected pride
unfocused mercy
You claim you never took them
How can you even say this?
I hate you so
You took ME
Where am I?
III
I am a Thief
a Coward
I hate
hate
hate
ME?
You and me?
WE?
What have you ever done for me?
inner grace
trueness
focus
unconditionality?
These were mine already
But because of you
because of me
I put them first as they should be
IV
Thief
Coward
I won’t hate
hate
hate you
You took things that were mine
But I found the things that are me
My thief, my coward
my uninvited lifetime guest
Do I thank you?
No, not yet.
My life
I refuse to hate
hate
hate