Hope you're all having a great start to 2020 so far. I'm pleased to get started with the People of HealthUnlocked series again as, just in case you didn't know this, it is all of YOU that make this platform great. Thank you for being here. This week, I'd like to introduce you to Emily, a beautiful new mum with a story that many of you might relate to. Comment below if you've ever felt similar at any point in your life. <3
"Postpartum Psychosis is the worst. I have Bipolar Disorder, so I feel I have liberty to say this. I have had a couple manic episodes, but nothing can compare to the despair and embarrassment felt after PP.
I just saw my Psychiatrist and confronted him about why I wasn’t sent to the hospital sooner. I was released from the hospital five days after giving birth. I told my husband a couple times, “ I don’t feel like myself.” I was trying to breastfeed, and therefore not getting much sleep. I acted funny my last day in the hospital, running out of the room and screaming “Doctor!” My husband thought it was odd, but didn’t take action.
There was a woman from the hospital who sat down to talk to me, but she was seriously talking so slow that I thought she must be slow or think I’m slow! I was so annoyed. She asked me a question, and I just told her “I just need more time.”
I was released on a Tuesday on the criteria I met with my doctor (Psychiatrist). We went to his office that night. This is very obviously stupid because he is on staff at the hospital I gave birth at! Somebody should have REQUESTED a consult! But anyway my dad and husband took me to see him. I didn’t realize it then; but I hallucinated in the waiting room. I saw a young boy (maybe 5 years old) fall on his face. Nobody was helping him get up – not even his mom who was with him! I kept standing up and trying to go down the hallway and leave, but my husband kept bringing me back.
Someway, I met with my doctor.
I don’t think the guys, my dad or husband, said a peep about me getting up several times in the lobby. I was obviously very anxious. And I kept feeling like something terrible was going to happen. It felt like the lights were going to go out, or my doctor (again) was talking so slowly and like a robot, I felt like he was going to pass out – kind of like a puppet when the puppeteer lets go of the strings.
Something was wrong. After asking a few questions to the guys, my Psychiatrist finally said, “I want to hear from you, Emily. How do you feel?” I must have said something half coherent because he sent me home with my usual meds (I took pre-pregnancy). [These meds treat the moods of Bipolar Disorder, not Psychosis.]
Just about every member of my dad’s family bombarded me that week with visits, after I stated my intention to not have visitors until after a week. Over the next six days (Tuesday through Sunday), I got much worse, but nobody took action until my sister came in from out of state. She changed her flight to be about two weeks earlier to see me.
Most people did NOT help. My aunt was somewhat understanding and talked to me like a real person. My dad tried. But my sister’s initial focus was showing me her Halloween costume, doing my hair, giving me (blue) lip gloss, and the next few days it was on decorating and cleaning, NOT really getting me better. “You need to sleep!” She almost yelled at me. “I Know!!” I would say. She quickly saw that I wasn’t sleeping. (I’d like to insert a picture here of my tired, zombie-like face.) I video recorded myself (like a YouTuber), which was actually a good idea. I also talked to myself a bit. There’s even one video of me talking to my cats.
Let me explain, I was acting very out of character. Though I have a mental illness, I have been very stable for about ten years. And only one episode of depression and one of mania before that (2009, 2013). But overall, I led a pretty normal, successful life. I worked a Full Time job most my life.
I would not wish PP on my worst enemy.
I was in the hospital (Psych unit) for twelve days. My doctor tried different medicines (to treat the psychosis) to help me sleep. Finally, I began to think more clearly and get slightly better. I was released on a Friday I believe, to the care of my husband.
I went home, but so much had dramatically changed. I felt unconfident. I didn’t have much experience in being a mother taking care of a baby.
But I was lucky. I bounced back fairly quickly.
Some women say that PP taught them what is really important. I find this to be true in my life. To go through all that with the hospital stay is a big stressor. But when I look at my baby I am reminded that she is mine and I’m so blessed to have her! I am also so grateful for my family who surrounded me when needed."
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Emily has given us consent to share her story.
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Stories on HealthUnlocked have an incredible way of raising awareness around certain conditions, as well as inspiring people who might be in the same situation as you. Would you like to share your health journey? Email me at communications@healthunlocked.com
xo, Leilah
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so sorry for what you went thru ...having a baby the first is very scary ...now you can enjoy your beautiful girl...love and much happiness ...remember to ask for help if need be for we all were scared the first baby fears....congratulations ...
I'm so t you have been through so much but I'm really pleased you have come out the other side, stronger than ever. Well done. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx
Thank you very much, Zest. I appreciate your support! And yes we're doing really well as a family. We're able to kind of put that behind us and enjoy the times we have.
Girl I feel you!...I have been stressed out this whole pregnancy. I wanna pull my hair out !.. my baby has a condition which is from her dad's genetics dwarf something anyhow I thought I found the perfect lady to adopt her signed all the paperwork n all and this was before I knew she had any thing wrong with her at that!!!! Well the lady found out n did not want to adopt her . Well I'm thinking damn I need to keep her cause I don't want no body messing with my little one u know ..well I've been upset not knowing what to do....well the attorney ends up finding a couple that has the same thing the baby has!!!! It is there dream come true! Everything has been going so wrong my entire pregnancy I'm thinking something want work out . I will be giving birth this week any day!!! But talking about my butt about to go crazy ..just right now I'm just trying to breathe n drink water n hope for the Best!!! Good luck to u n your baby 🌹🌻💐💮🌼
It can be very stressful, Babywillow. You will get through it though! Positive vibes and thoughts coming your way. Prayer really helps too.
Having a baby was the most exciting moment of my life. It truly is a blessing and I feel grateful that I was able to give birth! Best of luck to you, mamma.
My daughter who has BP was advised by a perinatal psychiatrist not to have children. Her meds may have damaged the unborn child. She is grieving for he child or children she can’t have. I hope you and your baby are thriving!
Really? Wow, telling a woman she can't' have a child is huge.
Is it worth getting a second opinion?
My doctor was supportive if I had wanted more children.
Yes, a change of medication would have been needed and given time but with the right support surely this is possible? I too am on a drug that would damage an unborn child (sodium valproate) but there are other meds available.
I think it's worth getting a second opinion too. Just from my experience.
I definately believe it is possible with the right support.
But she has to have a clear plan in place. And also a plan in case Postpartum Psychosis were to present itself.
I would suggest going back on BP meds the moment after giving birth to stabilize mood, anxiety, etc. That is what I learned through my hard postpartum experience.
I even went on lexapro during my third trimester, because I had symptoms of depression, and my doctor said it wouldn't harm my baby.
It can be done. I had a very pleasant pregnancy and I was told my daughter's birth was one of the fastest they have seen. Mind body connection is so important!
I did well all up to about the third day after having baby. But this could have been prevented - PP by going back on my medicines earlier. I was told by my Psychiatrist I didn't need them.
I'm sorry to hear that martino. I know that several years ago, this was very common advice.
My Psychiatrist didn't think there was any risk for me, though. I think because I had been so stable for so many years.
Going off medication for pregnancy was rough in the beginning, but I did a lot of yoga - like 2-3 times a week and yin yoga and it really helped keep me calm. I also reduced my hours at work. I believe she could have a child if she finds a doctor to support her.
I really feel that having Bipolar disorder shouldn't deter our chances at having a baby, or having a normal life.
Thank you for sharing. Prayers and hope to your daughter.
My friend has bp as do I but my friend has just had a beautiful baby girl,she also has 3 boys and had bp before they was born,please tell your daughter to get a second opinion
Thanks but it is too late. Her hubby had a vasectomy and the years have flown by. She is now 41. I don't want to raise her hopes only to see them shattered and all the grief again.
Hi Emily, wishing you all the best for the future.
I relate so much to your story Emily...thank you for sharing.
Although I didn't already have a diagnosis, so we were all oblivious to the fact psychosis could even happen (2003), so much is familiar.
Stories like yours help raise awareness, which is brilliant. I wish you all love on your journey and hope you can forgive your family for missing the early warning signs - I know those closest to me can sometimes be in denial unintentionally.
Thank you so much for reading and recognizing the importance of writing and talking about this issue! We have been through the same thing, so that in itself gives me comfort - to know I'm not alone.
What I continue to be surprised at is how many women this has happen to. For me it was from neglect of my doctor.
Oh darling, not at all! Knowing I am not alone helps me too.
Why isn't every woman and her dearest made aware?
Especially for pre-existing issues.
Your doctor of course, and health visitors should have been looking out for this. I am so sorry they missed the signs...
On the "bright" side, the system is so much better than it was for my Mum/Nana/ Greatgrandmother (1923 - locked her away until she died and was buried in an unmarked grave!!!). We have come a long way.
But I truly believe we need to do more.
The cost, both emotional and financial is huge. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help bring more light to the topic and feel free to message me.
I can relate to your issue 😢 my mother became mentally unstable after a stillborn child, my little brother. She fought the monster for a long time , we never knew when we came home if mom would be there or what condition she might be in. You see she would not take her meds, and would slowly slip back into darkness. I prey for you to beat this monster you and your child deserve a good life. Hang in there girl 🙏🙏🙏
I'm so sorry your mother went through this too. I cannot imagine having a stillborn child. That is heartbreaking. It is a long road to recovery, and I am still healing myself.
It was a nightmare at first, but the sun began to shine.
I am grateful I am better and I have a child to enjoy.
Thank you! Yes, we are having better days, especially since her First Birthday. That was a great milestone/success. I'm very fortunate to have her and to be able to spend every day with her! <3
All my best Leilah, you and your sweet baby are beautiful! I hope you are feeling much better.
I had depression after my third baby was born, mostly a headache I kept for weeks, panic attacks, crying, feeling I was crazy...I was so happy with my new baby but didn’t have any family nearby as we had just been transferred to another state. My other children were two and one, and my husband couldn’t take off work to help me, so he picked us up from the hospital, my two older children from the nursery, and dropped us all off at our house. I managed to take care of them but never felt the same physically after that. Depression runs in my family, and mine usually manifested into worrying something was wrong with my physical health and panic attacks. I had agoraphobia for a year after my fifth child was born and we got stationed overseas...it went away then as I was forced to leave the house!
I am a great-grandma now and realize most of my ills were partly hormonal and partly hereditary. I’ve taken anti-depressant meds on and off for years, but don’t need them now. All my best , take good care of you! xo
Wish Emily all the best for her and her lovely baby. PP must have been horrible for her. I had post natal depression twice, the 2nd time resulting in a manic breakdown. I don't think most people know how to handle mental illness. They do cleaning etc instead of trying to understand the sufferer and some are wary of psychiatric hospitals. I still suffer episodes of depression and anxiety caused by life events but feel quite good at the moment. I recently became a nana and another baby is due next month. This had made me very happy.
Thank you very much. She’s my sunshine ☀️ for sure.
Hi Emily,
I just wanted to thank you for telling your story. I think it highlights an important issue, that family and friends should be able to spot when their loved one isn’t right or is acting oddly, and should feel able to say it and get the help that the person needs sooner rather than later.
You are so brave and I want to wish you many blessings and good health in your journey through motherhood xx
Thank you for sharing, how awful for you. I had severe post natal depression after my son was born, it is so hard to describe how you feel. I too was taken to the doctor by my husband and treatment with a psychiatrist followed. It took two years before I felt ‘normal’ again and my illness was not as severe as yours. Well done on coming out the other side with a positive attitude. I wish you all the best xx
Thank you Maura5 for your response. I'm sorry you suffered too. Sometimes I am surprised at what a miracle it was for me to rebound. I'm so grateful to be recovering.
I give my family a lot of credit for standing by me in my time of need - in particular my sister. She lets me talk openly about it, whenever I need to.
Your very brave and a remarkable and likeable lady. All the best fir the future. I have a grand daughter who seems to have PDA all the symptoms but hasn’t been tested yet. Enjoy your baby and husband. Family will always be there for you. Take care.
Beautiful baby and thank you for sharing this powerful story; wishing your family continued happiness. I wish you didn't have to go through such an ordeal,
Thank you for this story,I don't have a bipolar disorder but I have suffered with psychosis before and was hospitalised, it's terrifying. My best friend is heavily pregnant and has a bipolar disorder and is at risk of pp. She doesn't have much support and I will be helping her,it's her first pregnancy. She has been told she will need to stay in hospital for three days after the birth as she decided to come off her meds for the pregnancy. I'm just hoping as I know the signs that I will be able to help if it does happen! Glad to hear you are both doing great.x
So glad to hear your friend has you nearby. It can make all the difference to have someone with your experience. I just wondered if she has an "early warning signs" list and a "how I wish to be supported" list? Not the correct technical names but hopefully you know what I mean It can be ever so helpful to have something agreed in advance.
Thank you for your support and thank you for being there completely for your friend! I know it means a lot to her.
I would say having a solid plan helps.
For me, I became very defensive, didn't trust easily. But actually being admitted to the hospital was the first real step toward my recovery. The nurses were like Nurse Ratchet, but I was able to think more clearly and return to somewhat normal functioning when the medications were tried.
It saddens me to think that medications are the only answer, but unfortunately, most times in these heavy circumstances they are.
I'd say even if you have to have your friend write a sample consent form to take her to the hospital if need be. I sincerely hope she won't have to, but in my case, it would have helped.
The key is to do what is best for the person. Because we can get out of touch with reality pretty quickly in mania or definately psychosis.
Feel free to message me to update me on your friend's progress. Best of luck to her! I wish her the very best.
I was lucky enough not to suffer from PP, my depression came when my kids were a bit older.I was lucky as my husband was an RMN , and gave me soooo much support!
I suffered from several bouts of depression and later SAD, and am now on permanent anti depressants. I was a nurse for45 odd years, and worked as an advisor at Citizens Advice too. For both, I drew on my own experience of mental illness to reach out and empathise with clients/patients. I remember one lady who was very low, but had not sought help from her doctor. She said "He'll only put me on anti-depressants and I'll be all dozy, and muddled and useless". I asked her if she thought I was dozy, muddled and useless. She replied of course not and then stopped and looked at me. I told her that I had relied on anti-depressants to keep me going for many years. and far from making me zombified, they had enabled me to largely shake off the depressive thoughts, and offer help to others who were suffering, I suggested she made double appt. with her GP and tell her just what she had told me .
She returned some months later to thank me, looking a different person. Had I not had first hand knowledge of depression, I might not have responded as I did. So as your daughter grows, you too will be able to use your grim experience of PP to share, and it will avoid her thinking that mental illness ilness sufferers are perhaps best avoided! It really brings to mind the old saying that it is an ill wind that blows no body any good.
Thank you so much lovely for sharing your story. I know it’s not easy everything but be brave and have confidence with in you because you are blessed with a your own baby. May Allah bless you and your wonderful family.
My best friend and I were pregnant around the same time. I had my daughter late December, she had hers mid April. It took about a week for her to get diagnosed with PP and around a year before she fully recovered. She was first discharged after about 8 weeks because she managed to convince the doctors that she was OK but within a few weeks she was back in hospital.
Don't take it lightly, know the signs and get help.
Sorry to hear you've had this horrible experience, but glad to hear you were looked after quite quickly by the hospital. Hope you and baby are doing well now, and what a lovely picture! Thank you so much for sharing your story, it has really helped me understand a friend's situation better.
Keep strong and much love from one mummy to another.
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All the best for 2020 to you too!
It can be ever so helpful to have something agreed in advance. 
