Hi all, i was diagnosed with copd 3 yrs ago. I have to hang my head in shame that i still smoke!!! I know im dicing with death, my dad died at 65 of a heart attack caused by severe copd. I saw him laid out on a slab dead, got diagnosed shortly after he died yet i cant or wont do it. Im so messed up. So weak and ashamed. I have mental health issues too and its all just so hard!. I am completely alone with 2 children and i worry constantly. I hide in my room most days. I am not full of doom and gloom ive made an appointment with quit4life in 3 weeks time, theres a waiting list but so scared of whats to come. I have to admit i have smoked weed too for many yrs and thats my dark secret. I now have moderate copd and im struggling with daily chores i get so out of breath. Im only 46 as well and feel like i wont make it to my dads age and i dont deserve any help because i wont help myself. Ive been to the doctors but i still come away feeling whats the point. I know im at a crisis point and i have to give up all my smoking habits but im not sure im strong enough. I have an eating disorde too which makes my health poorly and im so tired all the time. Please can anyone help me feeling so alone right now. I know i deserve no empathy but any advice gratefully recieved.