The reason for illness

The reason for illness

I have my fair share of illnesses but the most problem ones,the sarcoidosis, which has caused my end stage pulmonary fibrosis leaving me needing oxygen 24/7, and my gallbladder disease,are both auto immune diseases.We know that my horribly abusive parents,who terrorised my whole childhood and caused a lot of problems into my adulthood,caused me to be so anxious that my body turned on itself,making me terminally ill.while they've lived into their 70s so far disease and problem free.My hubby has a hard time forgiving them,but I've had to forgive them.I refuse to spend the rest of my life bitter.The last 8 years,since I escaped my parents,have been the happiest of my life.I love life,I love my hubby and adore my kids,and my wee grandson,well there are just no words to express how much I love him.I'm very blessed.I'm loving my degree.And move into my bungalow soon.So I refuse to wallow in the horrors of the past and I'm determined to live happy and live as long as I can.And living my life happy is my revenge,they'll make me sad no more,they'll control me no more.I choose happiness ๐Ÿ˜

42 Replies

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  • That's a beautiful photo, gothmum. Your happiness shines from you!! Suppose that's what they mean by radiant?

    You know what your problems and anxieties did to your body when you were younger.Your attitude is brave and positive, and I do believe that "living your life happy" can work work in the other direction and be healing. Grabbing life by the balls may not cure you but I'm sure it can heal you.

    Good luck, and love,Sue x

  • Thank you so much for your lovely reply,your encouragement is so appreciated.All I ever wanted was to be safe,and happy,and now I'm both my life is amazing.My hubby and kids have shown me what real Love is .I'm a battler and a survivor xoxo

  • Oh was heart wrenching for me to hear your post..Firstly coz of your illness, secondly..your situation with your parents. Very, very brave of you to even discuss it. I've gone through simular in my life..but I cannot even talk about it to this day. I'm 52 and was a single mother but despite my demon's, I gave my life to my son and still do. That's what you do as a yourself, with your own..I love the bones of him. He's done me proud no end and continues to do so. He's in the armed forces, always wanted to be a soldier right from being a little boy. He's said.."mum I'm living my dream".....not alot of people can say that. But when we ourselves have endured such trauma, we put things like that aside to pave the way for our children/family/friends etc, etc..I can relate to this so much. I've not spoken to my mum, since my farther passed away in 2010. Long story..but I admire you, for your honesty and moving forward..wish I could do the same...

    Take care

    Love Lynne xx

  • Thanks so much Lynne,I'm at the stage where I refuse to hide the truth any more.I always felt like I was covering for the people who tried to destroy me,I was ashamed while they strutted about like nothing had happened,and I thought "no more of hiding my truth,let them hide in shame",I'm so sorry that you've been hurt too.Hold your head up high.Thank you for understanding me <3

    Tracey xoxo

  • Well done, Gothmum. It is amazing that with your history you have broken the chains of the past and given so much love to so many people. A truly hopeful story. Inspirational.

    All the best


    K xxx

  • Thank you,I really appreciate it xoxo

  • Fantastic outlook you have there gothmum and l do admire you. Some parents do totally ruin their kids lives in many ways but you won't let that happen. Even with the sarc you are determined to live life to the full and have a wonderful family to do that with.

    Sending lots of love and good wishes to you. Happy Mothers Day. Xxx ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

  • Thank you.I'm so blessed to have such a supportive family.And happy mother's day to you. Love Tracey ๐Ÿ’— xoxo

  • gothmum Your happiness shines through in that photo, after what you have described your childhood you deserve to be happy now. Please let us know when you move to your bungalow. You have what sounds like a really loving family to be surrounded with.

  • My hubby's boxing up this house,had to remind him I'd need undies until we move,and he had to unbox them lmao,he's a man on a mission,I'm worried because I don't move that I'll be boxed up next lol.They said 2-3 weeks for the house to be ready and us to get the keys,I cannot wait. Hugs Tracey ๐Ÿ’— xoxo

  • It's so sad what some parents do to their children so pleased you have come through and I do hope your happiness continues

    Take care


  • Thank you,it is sad,and I just don't understand it,they're just selfish and can't put their kids first xoxo

  • Look at you Gothmum ,- how come you are looking so lovely, as if you're just about to go out for diner !! I'm on oxygen for only 15 hours but I don't look that good wearing the "tubes". !!! All power to you in moving forward in you life. Best wishes.

  • That is honestly just a fluke photo,I'm not photogenic at all lol xoxo

  • nice to see you have such a positive attitude and are happy with your own family now , also having the move into the bungalow to look forward too , take care

  • Thank you xoxo

  • Last year I went on a six week course aimed at people with long term chronic health conditions....many of the students had problematic childhoods....just talking through some of the things that had happened to them seemed to help.

    Just makes you think....all of that held in tension.

    We were given help on how to understand and accept what had happened and how to cope in our daily lives.

    Best wishes

  • I always struggled to cope with the life I'd had,until my hubby rescued me,I'd have loved that type of course,I always felt my coping mechanisms were lacking.I had no voice as a child,people knew what was happy to me,including all of my extended family,who've recently got in touch to offer to go witness in court if I wanted to get the police involved,30 years too late I say,and wouldn't dredge it up through the courts,but I speak openly about how I suffered,I'm no longer voiceless.Thanks for your encouragement <3 xoxo

  • Lovely photo & great positive mental attitude Gothmum. Good luck with the move. x

  • Thank you,we ll see how my positivity survives our house move lol xoxo

  • It's essential for your own peace of mind to be able to move on, but it can't be easy. I wish you all the happiness you deserve in your new home.

  • Thank you,I try to move further on every day,I refuse to let them beat me xoxo

  • Be proud of who you are, for all they have inflicted on you, you have turned into a strong, capable and loving human being. It must be difficult for them to see how you have turned out and wish them a long life to perhaps ponder on what pain they caused you. They will be very lonely old people who have to rely on strangers while you are surrounded by those who love you. Much love to you all in your new home xx

  • Aww thank you,that's made me emotional,that's so lovely,I sometimes have a very negative view of myself,so your words are so appreciated xoxo

  • Hi GM I greatly admire your positivity and determination to be happy despite your illnesses. Carry on trucking girl.

    I can relate to some of what you said about childhood coz that's when my depression started which has affected my whole life.

    Interestingly I saw a very recent study which found no link between awful childhoods and physical illness. I don't know whether it makes sense to me though. x

  • consultqd.clevelandclinic.o...

    There have been a few of these studies now that link autoimmune diseases to early childhood trauma,just something else we need to deal with thanks to the selfish narcissistic creatures which birthed some of us.But I'm onward and upward and continue to love said creatures,though I don't have contact with them,thankfully xoxo

  • Yes I always thought so too GM from what I had read and understood. This research is very recent though and it took 2 control groups. They found that taking into account other factors there was no difference in the health of the ones with abusive childhoods and those without.

    I will see if I can find the link. x

  • Carry on trucking,I love it,makes me want to say rubber ducky and pappa bear haha thank you for making me smile :) xoxo

  • It must have been horrendous to survive such a relationship with your birth parents, but the very fact that you did and that you have forged ahead and made such a happy family life now speaks volumes for your strengths. You are a beautiful woman. Bad things are in the past and I hope the move goes well for you all. The bungalow will make life so much more bearable. Your happiness is infectious and I wish you all the best of times forever.



  • Thank you,Sadly Im so blessed to have a loving hubby and kids,though its been a rocky road because I was so damaged,but I was always loving,goodness knows how,not that I had an example to follow,I'm an anomaly lol xoxo

  • Hi goth mum, you are truly fabulous, love you.

    Moongirl. Xxxxx

  • Thanks so much,and I love you right back <3 xoxo

  • Well done for your amazing positivity , I admire your strength. A lovely picture of you too.Best wishes to you and your lovely family and have a Happy Mothers Day. x

  • Thank you,you're so kind <3 xoxo

  • Well said Gothmum there is no point looking back we have to enjoy each day take care xx

  • Thank you.Ive moved onwards and upwards,but the people who hurt me so badly are stuck,and so they should be xoxo

  • Hi gothmum. You go girl ! Happiness is definitely the best revenge. Look forward to all the good things and I hope the bungalow is as happy a home as you and your family definitely deserve, Sheila xx

  • Thank you,I've always just wanted to be happy,and now I finally get a chance to be in revelling in it lol ๐Ÿ˜ xoxo

  • Hi Gothmum. For somone with serious health problems you look fantastic. My sister in law had sarcoidosis for about 10 years,then it just went,her specialist always told her it could just go. Do hope your move will go well, Don't exert yourself too much. Very best wishes Bulpit

  • Hi,when I was first diagnosed the consultant told me it would burn itself out and just go away,sadly he didn't explain that you can get chronic sarcoidosis which doesn't go and went on to ravage my body.The photo was about 2 years ago,in that time sarcoidosis has taken up residence(as a squatter) in my liver lol,and I'm covered in sarcoidosis lumps,just to be extra attractive hahaha.Im praying I have levelled off and have a few more years left with my family โค xoxo

  • Hi again gothmum, I was wondering if you are receiving psychological help ...a talking therapy or a mindfulness course.

    There have been quite a few studies on the effect of childhood trauma and illness in later life.

    Perhaps after you have settled into your new bungalow you could find a course similar to the one that I went on.

    Take care

  • I've had lots of sessions with psychologists and psychiatrists,I don't think I'd bother again.I hate mothers/father's day,it makes me think about them,and I don't even want them having headspace,they're not worth it.Thank you though <3 xoxo

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