Dead Duck: A woman brought a very limp... - Lung Conditions C...

Lung Conditions Community Forum

55,235 members66,012 posts

Dead Duck

Pepsicoley profile image
23 Replies

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

Written by
Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
23 Replies

Nurse nurse I need clean pyjamas and can you change my bed !!!

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to

Hi Homebreeze

Good one!

Annec

xxxxx

in reply to Pepsicoley

If someone had had a visit from their matron earlier and was feeling a bit down which would be more welcome, your very funny or a lecture.

Cracking Annec

Chris

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to Pepsicoley

Hello again

Your joke reminds me of one I heard recently.

I drink my whisky almost neat - I put in only two tiny drops of water in my glass. I drink it that way because, at my age, I can hold my drink but I'm not too good at holding my water (lol).

Annec

xxxxx

azaard profile image
azaard

Magic pepsy :D but watch yet bum, some no likey funnies on ere !!!! But carry on we all need good laugh thanx for that one ;)

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to azaard

Hello Azaard

Some of the funnies on here have really cheered me up. King of the Cocktails has come up with some beauties.

Do you/i give a rat's backside about people who dislike humour?!!! YES/NO (delete as applicable)

Sometimes I ned to laugh.

Annec

xxxxx

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to Pepsicoley

Hello again

Oops!!!

The last sentence should read 'Sometimes I need to laugh.'

Annec

xxxxx

azaard profile image
azaard in reply to Pepsicoley

Don't think i need to mention names either, ;)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails

A sitting duck,wasn't I?

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to KingoftheCocktails

Hi KOTC

I'm not trying to steal your thunder. I was sent this joke by a friend and though it might (hopefully) make someone smile.

Annec

xxxxx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to Pepsicoley

You made me smile Annec.We all need more smiles

KOTC

I really needed that. Thank-you :)

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to

Hi

I hope it made you smile.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry and the members of this forum do their utmost to cheer you up.

Take care

Annec

xxxxx

Puffthemagicdragon profile image
Puffthemagicdragon

It made me laugh. Keep them you lot ! :)

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to Puffthemagicdragon

Hello Puff

I love to laugh - laughing is a tonic.

Breath easy

Annec

xxxxx

Puffthemagicdragon profile image
Puffthemagicdragon in reply to Pepsicoley

That was supposed to read " Keep them coming you lot ". Oh please can we have an edit function ! :)

libby7827 profile image
libby7827

Very funny and very topical for me, nearly £200 for initial misdiagnosis and subsequent diagnosis of ear infection and meds,no cat scan or lab tests involved! Somehow involved 4 visits. When I say me, I mean Lil! Libby x

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to libby7827

Hi Libby

It must be very difficult to diagnose whatever is wrong with pets but sometimes the bill almost empties your bank balance. We would be lost without our veterinary surgeons though.

I hope Lil is either better or well on the way to being better.

Love and hugs for you and Lil

Annec

xxxxx

sillywitch profile image
sillywitch

Hi Annec, that,s a great joke had me laughing :) & re libby,s reply sometimes I think I,d rather see a vet than some of the quacks I,ve had :D

Karenxxx

Pepsicoley profile image
Pepsicoley in reply to sillywitch

I agree with you Sillywitch.

In the 80's I had pneumonia (as it turned out). My GP didn't 'sound' me when I went to the surgery and he prescribed anti-depressants!!!!

The pharmacist who dispensed them was a friend of mine and she told me to go and see a different doctor. The second doctor sent me to have an x-ray and the x-ray showed up what was really wrong with me.

That was a long time ago though.

Annec

xxxxx

Lynne1955 profile image
Lynne1955

Really, genuinely funny.

Lynne xx

Made my day, gorgeous!! How clever xxx

shouty profile image
shouty

Love it

You may also like...

My cats treats for me

car park and it’s thought owner had died. Vets had operated on side of head and neck think bitten,...

The morning sunshine Saturday 07.05.22

to think how his owner feels if we are feeling like how we are ... we have spoken and she's of the...

OUR PETS are an important part of our life

his owner had died in sheltered housing near by. A kind person had taken him to a vet, who had...

Sunday’s poem ~ The Toys

own; For, on a table drawn beside his head, He had put, within his reach, A box of counters and...

Sunday’s Poem - Somebody’s Mother

Proud that his own were firm and strong.      Then back again to his friends he went,      His...