My mom is 85 and having an aortic valve replacement but doesn't want to :( Is afraid of surgery.

[4mYmUM1]

My mom is 85 and having an aortic valve replacement but doesn't want to Is afraid of surgery.

96/140

[BeKind28-]

Hello

I am so sorry your Mum is faced with this operation and is so full of fear it must be so hard for her as well as you to

She is a good age at 85 and if they did not think this operation was going to give her quite a few more years I am sure they would not even consider doing it and putting her through it and in every other respect she must be very fit for them to offer the operation

But it will come down to your Mum if she can get over her anxiety and go ahead which I hope she can

I know you will be encouraging her on have the operation and I wonder if her Doctor , Consultants could arrange a meeting to go through her fears

You could also try talking to the BHF Nurses who can speak to your Mum as they are very good and would spend some time explaining things to her I will put their number on

Let us know how you get on x

Heart Helpline team on 0300 330 3311 Mon-Fri 9-5pm

[Blackcatsooty]

AVR is not like other hospital treatments. Fabulous dedicated staff. Very little pain. Huge success rate. Should get your own hospital room. She will not know anything about the op.

It is a long recovery time. But I felt a little better every two days.

The alternative is to die. She doesn’t want that.

Sooty

[DodgyTickerMum]

I can’t say I blame her! I was 49 and terrified when I had my surgery 9 months ago. It has to be your Mum’s choice. It’s a major operation for anyone to go through and not a decision I would personally want to face in my eighties.

The recovery can be tough (both physically and emotionally) and certainly no walk in the park. All you can do is support your Mum in whatever option she decides. A difficult and worrying time for you both.

Wishing you both well. ❤️‍🩹

[4mYmUM1 in reply to DodgyTickerMum]

Thank you so much for your kind words

[Blearyeyed]

It's a big operation so it's understandable that she is feeling scared.Just try to comfort her about it , remind her of the positive things that will come from having her operation, how much better she will feel, how many more good memories you will be able to make together once she's recovered.

Remind her that you will be with her all the way and will make sure she is getting all the best care available.

Reassure her with information about how safe the operation is , how good and caring the hospital teams are , how successful it can be.

Even remind her of advice she would have given you about being treated when you were young or scared, as I'm sure she would have told you all would be well, and that you need to be brave and get things done to get better , no matter how scared you might be.

If she is still resistant you could contact her cardio team and ask if it is possible for them to speak to her and put her mind at rest. Sometimes that's all it takes , knowing that the doctors involved have heard your concerns and answered your questions can bring great reassurance and can settle those fears.

I hope things go well for you and your Mum. Please do keep posting if you need more help or someone to talk to while you are caring for you Mum, and don't forget to look after yourself too,

Please give us an update when you have news , take care , Bee

[4mYmUM1 in reply to Blearyeyed]

Thanks Bee

So positive an encouraging.

[aardvark68]

A very good friend of mine had this same operation last year when she was 90. She’s fine and now and says that she feels ten years younger now!

[Lynnyp10]

Have they mentioned the possibility of having a TAVI which is much less invasive. My mother in law had hers replaced that way a couple of years ago at 86. She wouldn’t have coped with OHS as she wouldn’t have been physically strong enough.

[Murderfan58]

What has your mom's surgeon said about the % of having a successful out come ? As your mom is scared about the operation have you asked her if she wants it ? Or does she just want to let nature take it's course.

Sorry to point this out but no doubt you have thought this yourself but if your mom is so scared going into the operation what are her chances of survival. Sorry this is blunt but it's some think that you have to discuss with doctors ,your mom and rest of the family. If she doesn't have the operation how long have they given her to live without it?

Also what is her quality of life like does she have other serious health problems?

My mom had her second mastectomy aged 86 . We didn't think they would operate at her age . In a way I am glad she had it as she got to go to 3 weddings and saw her first great grandson. But if I had known her dementia started not long after her operation and what dementia did to my mom I would have advised her not to have it done. Dementia killed my mom long before her body died. But she lived with me last 18 months of her life as I couldn't put her into a home even when dementia made my mom violent. But it was fear that made her that way she didn't know who she was , where or who I was she thought I was her mom .

This is just my experience not saying it will happen to your mom . But you need to have a good talk to your mom and if she really doesn't want the operation then it's her choice as hard as it will be to hear.

[Survivor1952]

I had mine last year at 70, as another has said I feel 10-15 years younger. I’m a lot more active now as well. The procedure wouldn’t be offered unless it was felt it would benefit the recipient.

[Traveldreams]

it’s difficult, my dad was 80 when he had three valves replaced and a bypass. He wanted it doing. I know my mum wouldn’t have it done even if necessary.

We all get nervous about heart surgery. A calm chat with a nurse or cardiologist about this is what having it done looks like and this is what not having it done looks like.

The hospital will give her percentage risk. I am 55 and decided the risk was worth taking but perhaps she feels differently at 85. It is major surgery and I think we all feel anxious.

I hope she works through it x

[Cat04]

She needs to look at the TAVI option. If there are any doubts as to her having open heart surgery this is the less invasive procedure through a catheter.

[cappachina]

I am assuming they are planning to do this via TAVI I had mine replaced this way last year am 76 .Tell her this is so easy It sounds scary but isn't . You are sedated but awake so relaxed you dont worry about nothing no pain just a feel of prodding then tapping. You have to lie flat for 3 hours then it up for two then you can go to loo then if no problems home the next day with instructions for the next 6 weeks as to what you can do It is more each week Shevwill be offered cardio rehab Tell her to go It really helps even if she has to do it sitting and you get talks about diet medication exercise etc It us well worth it the difference in what you can do is amazing

[Zindolo]

I'm 60 and had AVR on 11/3/2020. I don't think I would do it at 85 unless it can be via that TAVI procedure, as others on here have suggested. That surgery was an ORDEAL for me that I would not be willing to repeat. I had trouble with fibrillation and fluid retention and was in the hospital for 10 days instead of the more typical 6. Plus, I never did regain the stamina that the cardiologist and surgeon promised. I'm in Texas, so I can't help but wonder if I was pushed into it unnecessarily due to our blatantly" health-care-for-profit" system here, which just becomes more broken every year.