Scared: Hi everyone sat with my husband... - British Heart Fou...

British Heart Foundation

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Scared

Mandylaidlaw profile image
49 Replies

Hi everyone sat with my husband who has had Hart problems fir 4 years still waiting for triple Hart bypass every minute I don't stop watching him not noing if this will be the last time I see him so sorry for been so dramatic but I have no one els to speak to just wish they would just help us 😔

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Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw
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49 Replies
BeKind28- profile image
BeKind28-

Hello :-)

You are not been dramatic at all this is a very scary time and this is your Husband who you love so much :-)

Sometimes it can be harder for loved one's as they feel powerless than the people that are going through this ordeal

Is your Husband at home I presume he is ?

The waiting for these procedures is always the worst you just want it done !

But if they really thought he could not be on the waiting list because it was to dangerous they would have him in straight away so even though he needs the operation try and think that way they know what they are doing , they know how long they have to do it on and they will have him in before that and he will be on the road to recovery :-)

I am not sure but do you keep asking where he is on the waiting list and make sure you have let them know he would take a cancellation if one came on and to put him on that list

I hope you will find something to help you relax a little because he will be alright and you will need your strength to help him after the op

When you can keep us updated :-) x

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to BeKind28-

Thank you so much for the advice I Realy am trying to keep up beet for him but he had his second Hart atck 2 years ago and they sent him home again because there was no beds because of covied we found out that they said they had put a stint in the first time but turns out they had not the surge said he lucky he got thro the fist two Hart atck and let's hope he gets thro I'm not filed with hope at min I'm just glad that I can say how I'm feeling held it in for so long thank you once again xx

BeKind28- profile image
BeKind28- in reply to Mandylaidlaw

Hello :-)

I had a heart attack and they sent me home on a cocktail of medication and then I went on to have two more heart attacks and that is when they said I needed a triple Bypass

Sometimes people do have stents and find that they can get another blockage it is not uncommon

They really will have taken a god look at his results and will know when they have to have him in to get this done and I know it is not easy but try and relax there are so many on here living a good life that have been through very similar and there is no reason why that will not be the same for your Husband to :-)

I am glad been able to write it all down has helped and if you need to write how you feel again then please do as well as letting us know how you are both getting on :-) x

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to BeKind28-

Thank you so much for your support just want to say that my husband is the must loving sweet and supportive man he has spent 22 years in the army and is a very proud man and I'm sure it will all work out and I no there is so many people a lot wors of than us and I hope to god they get the treatment they deserve thank you again and will let you no if any change

BeKind28- profile image
BeKind28- in reply to Mandylaidlaw

Hello :-)

It will work out and I look forward to reading your posts telling us how well he is doing as well as how much better you feel to :-) x

Cymrucurious profile image
Cymrucurious in reply to Mandylaidlaw

You are sweet and supportive too and you also very much matter ... however broken you currently feel you must must must eat sleep and be kind to you! You will need your mental strength when stress like you are experiencing happens, so do not put yourself at the back of the queue ... please, I'm sure your hubby would agree xxx

Happyrosie profile image
Happyrosie

this is so scary for you and therefore (if you live in England) you should contact the people at the hospital concerned who deal with patient’s problems. They are Patient Advice Liaison Service and are there to help you.

Alternatively your doctors surgery might be able to assist, if you haven’t tried them?

Yumz199725 profile image
Yumz199725

Ahh hun that's alot for you both to worry about I'm so sorry to hear x how long has he been waiting? Have you contacted cardiologist to see what the delay is? X

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Yumz199725

He has been waiting 2 years we had appointment 3 weeks ago they said that they had a meeting about it and said he need triple Hart bypass as soon as but got a letter to say they have put him on a waiting list but by the sound of it there is alot worse of than us I was just feeling real alone with it all because I don't want to put my worry on to him I no he is so scared but he keeps it to him self I think if they had put the stint in when they said they had we would have bit more convdes in the hole sistem but how can they say in his file they have done somthing when they have not think that's why I'm so worried 😔

Yumz199725 profile image
Yumz199725 in reply to Mandylaidlaw

Ahh that's a long time! Have they said why he has to wait so long? It must be a very long waiting list which doesn't help 💔😢. Yeah I can understand why your so worried 😟😓😞x

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Yumz199725

They have not said why when we went back to see the surge she could not believe it had been so long since he had been back

Yumz199725 profile image
Yumz199725 in reply to Mandylaidlaw

Not knowing why is the worst and waiting can be hard aswell. I'm so sorry your going through this x

Maxbar profile image
Maxbar

I really feel for you both and hope he gets his surgery soon. he sounds like a very strong man and will come through this .I send him my very best , you also need to look after yourself as I can see the affects of this senorio on my own wife, try to keep calm and laugh at the ridiculous situations we find ourselves in through no fault of our own, I feel for you both xxx😘😘

Jerrahem profile image
Jerrahem

Hi there. I believe that is a valid concern you have there and not dramatic at all.

I just wanted to share my late father situation. He suffered from heart disease and was told his condition can’t be treated( beyond bypass) this was back in early 2000 .he was on only medications

He was pretty young late 40s when doctor mentioned that. he lived few years after that. I was worried at times. I did what you did too.

I believe your husband is a strong and proud man and hope you will get the procedure done soon and he will recover.

Traveldreams profile image
Traveldreams

I am currently waiting for a valve op and the ‘3-6 month’ wait is now 9 months but my dad has triple bypass in 2016 (when waiting was weeks not months/years) and I will tell you that the toll on a loved one is more stressful.

As a patient I’m also scared but I know when I’m having a good or bad day. I know when I can keep going or need to stop. We used to watch dad when he slept in his chair and breathe strangely willing him to continue living . I genuinely believe the family’s stress is worse and I really feel for you.

Just take it one step at a time but become a sharer of your emotions (even if you are usually a private person) and it’s ok for you to need help too. I’ve encouraged my children (early 20s) to tell friends because they need a different kind of support than I can currently offer. You need someone to be frank with.

Take care and message if you need anything x

Seal59 profile image
Seal59

Hello

I remember when my husband was told he needed a quintuple bypass. I don’t think I slept a night’s sleep after that. The difference for me was that from knowing he was even ill to getting the operation was only a week as he was an emergency. This meant that neither of us had too long to dwell on it. All I know is at no point did I think I might not see him again. I had complete faith in the medical team. Although for us it is the most scariest, biggest thing in our lives, for them it is all in a day’s work - an amazing task, but routine for them.

I know I can tell you not to worry, but it’s impossible not to. Please look after yourself so that you can take care of your husband when he comes through the op. I say that because I passed out in the end through lack of sleep and landed on top of my husband. Fortunately I missed his newly operated on chest!

It all sounds daunting but taking it one step at a time you get through it together.

I hope your wait time is not too long.

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Seal59

Good morning all just read all your your messages in tears because like you just spent another night listening to see if my husband still breathing so tried but so Lovly to have people that under stand what it's like two years is so long would not no what to do if I lost him 😭anyway thank onse again

cappachina profile image
cappachina

I feel for you it's often worse foe the carer which I have done than being the patient which I have also done I do feel you need to talk to Pals at the hospital ask them to find out why you believed he had had a stent and if that is in his notes as having been done abs also get them to find out where he is on list also if you think he is getting worse They are really helpful

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to cappachina

Whe he had his first Hart atch they did the stint procedure and told him that's what they had done when he had his second it was in his file but they sent him for a engoegram and there was no stint that's when they sent him home because there was no beds because of covied that was 2 years ago

cappachina profile image
cappachina in reply to Mandylaidlaw

Go to Pals fet them to see what's going on They are good At least it will give you more peace of mind I don't think doss realise how much worry and stress we all go through Keep us updated but get on that phone tomorrow

Cymrucurious profile image
Cymrucurious

Lots of love, praying for you and your hubby Mandy xxx

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Cymrucurious

Thank you that means so much xx

Cymrucurious profile image
Cymrucurious in reply to Mandylaidlaw

Bless you xxx

Weetabixie profile image
Weetabixie

I feel for both of you. I know what the watching is like. It is disgusting that they've said something has been done when it hasn't in this situation and I would get in touch with gp regarding that and how long he's been waiting. Also if you are up to it try contacting cardiology to see where he is in the list. Others here have kindly given far better advice than I could. Just wanted to let you know that another is also routing for both of you to hear something asap and for everything to go well and be sorted as fast as possible. Gentle hugs to you and your husband and the best of luck moving forward 🙏🤞

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Weetabixie

That is so kind just read your message to my husband he is so greatful and so pleased I have some way of talking things thro we live in the middle of nowhere so can get quit lonely he very proud man and has not want to con plain to anybody so may be this may help him xx

Jackiesmith7777 profile image
Jackiesmith7777

Yes I can understand where your coming from it is very stressful . If you read my posts you ll know the last four months especially have been stressful . It’s a roller coaster of emotions . How long does he have to wait till operation and what re his heart problems if you don’t mind me asking x

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Jackiesmith7777

Hi sorry have not read any post yet I not Done anything like this before normal my husband deals with every thing for me so this is quiet hard to get my head round will get round to reading them but worried they will be to much for me I had a a steint fitted my self 3 years ago so my conviedos is not great I do hope you doing better he stated of needing one stint and now needs triple bypass xx

brads27 profile image
brads27 in reply to Mandylaidlaw

I had 6 stents put inside me in 2018 and have never looked back.I know it's a worrying time, my wife wouldn't let me do anything, so I told her thanks but I must be able to do things on my own, she was so worried.I have been ok since I had them but thoughts are never that far away. Just have to carry on living life, what will be will be.

Furryears profile image
Furryears

Hi, lovely you have plenty of people to speak to now, just by joining this group, we have all either been through a HA ourselves or it’s our lived one that has, for me it was me that had the HA, and my husband has been by my side all the way through lots of support and reassurance and remember if you ever need to talk I’m here.

Have you been back to the doctor or spoke to the consultant lately ?maybe ask where on the list he is?

Take care 😊

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Furryears

Hi thank you it is nice noing people out there similar yes went back 4 weeks ago they have put him on waiting list he has got to go for another angegram before that can happen but still not had appointment for that yet

Furryears profile image
Furryears in reply to Mandylaidlaw

If you ever need to talk I’m here x

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Furryears

❤️

brads27 profile image
brads27

Yes it's not nice, I had heart attack in 2018. And the least little thing and you worry, 99% of the time it will be ok. So hopefully he will be ok

Bagrat profile image
Bagrat

I feel for you so much. My husband is also a creaking gate waiting for angiogram before valve surgery as other issues too. I think getting in touch with hospital PALS as someone has mentioned is a good idea ( Patient advice and liaison service) Hospital switchboard should be able to put you through or search on the internet and email. They can chase things up for you.It's the helplessness that is so hard. We just want to be able to fix our partners!!

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Bagrat

Hi everyone just to let you no after all your advice we did contact the GP unfortunately they got back to him this evening and said they contacted the hospital and they said there is a significant wait my husband is I very destessed about this and we both can not believe we r been treated this way 😔

Qualipop profile image
Qualipop in reply to Mandylaidlaw

Have you asked to be put on the cancellation list? If he's willing to go in at the drop of a hat it may help.

sampaloc0624 profile image
sampaloc0624

Been through 3x bypass during peak of covid season, even settng of check ups takes time. While waiting, enjoy being together, pray together, we have all been busy with our lives having less time together and praying. Keep well! We pray for you…

Jedx profile image
Jedx

Dear Mandy our hearts can take a lot l had tests 9 years ago that showed blockages with secondary remodelling plus high calcium score. At the time my dad was very poorly and l was caring for him, he passed away five years later. During this time l did nothing at all to help my heart l didn’t even follow up on the results l put them in a drawer and said l have no time for this!!

It all caught up with me last year l had an angiogram and was hoping they would stent but then the dr. said you need surgery. Sure enough they didn’t send me home but to a city hospital and within 3 days l was having cabg. My blockages had become severe triple vessel disease within the space of nine years.

It took a long time to get to the point of no return for me and the drs knew it, so maybe think if they aren’t so concerned it might be ok. Do some research into what you can do to help your husbands heart in the meantime and to prepare yourselves for the surgery cuz it’s huge l never had that luxury to be prepared and it was such a shock in every way. I sincerely hopethis helps.

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Jedx

Hi so pleased to here you r doing well thank you all it has given us the confidence to say no this is not right after speaking to my husband he has messge gp today so fingers crossed we now find the strength to fight back thank you so much xx

Jem64 profile image
Jem64 in reply to Jedx

Cayenne is amazing. A natural vaso dilator. I was put on the list in August for a triple bypass. I had severe carotid neck pain. I've apparently had two strokes. The daily cayenne shot has eliminated the neck pain and improved my circulation. I am on medication which is doing the job too. I've changed my diet and given up alcohol and feel so much better. ßurgery ìsnt an option I feel necessary now so when they do contact me again I will discuss this. Ìhavent even had my BP monitored apart from once at the stroke clinic..So I'm in the driving seat now..ĺol

Jedx profile image
Jedx in reply to Jem64

I wish l had of had the presence of mind to have remembered about the cayenne pepper but everything happened so fast however as the song from the Who goes, “We won’t get fooled again”. Keep well

Bagrat profile image
Bagrat

Oh Mandy, so sorry you didn't get the response you wanted from the hospital. It is indeed very distressing for you both.I don't know if you keep a record of concerns regarding your husband. I have a little notebook with dates when issues occurred, whether changes in health or calls or visits to health care professionals. We can't see into the future but we can look back and see if generally our health is the same ,or if there are things we can't do that we could a few weeks back. Using that means you can maybe have an idea of how things are going for your man and if things change more quickly than they were you can jump up and down or talk to your GP.

It may be worth ringing his Consultant's secretary, hosp switchboard will put you through and explain it is causing him a deal of distress and making his condition worse.

Please let us know how things are going.

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Bagrat

Thank you my lovely we both feel very vulnerable it been such a long time trying to keep it all together just another knock but have spoken to pals today hopefully this might shake them up a bit xx

Dollywow1999 profile image
Dollywow1999

Mandy youre in a good place right now somebodys trying to fix this problem prayers going up for your hubby and for you to bear this stress as yall go thru this journey !!

KIMMY60 profile image
KIMMY60

So sorry to hear this can't be easy for both of you heart problems are very scary, if found that it helps to talk on here and read other people's problems aswell makes you know you are not alone

Chickenlou profile image
Chickenlou

Partner of heart patient here and I get how you are feeling. It’s a really scary time for you both.

We found it helped to try to take things one appointment at a time, so initially we concentrated on the CT scan, then the angiogram and then the bypass, but I know that’s easy to say and much harder to do.

If it’s any consolation, my partner waited ages at each stage (and this was before the pandemic) but as soon as it was identified he needed the surgery more urgently he had an appointment for the bypass very quickly. (I like to think that shows that they do have a priority list based on the urgency of each patient.)

Please try and look after yourself, it’s really important that you try to eat, sleep and relax or you will make yourself poorly.

Take care of yourself and keep us all updated.

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Chickenlou

Thank you so much we have tried to be patient but 4 years from first Hart ack and 2 years from second and been told he now needs triple Hart is getting a bit much for even the must understanding people but still trying to stay strong and positive 🙏

Bean58 profile image
Bean58 in reply to Mandylaidlaw

I just wanted to send you love and support. When you said you were scared I felt for you so much, you are so not alone. I’m so scared as my Dad has a lung condition that has deteriorated. I feel I can’t cope but I think somehow we just do. Lots of crying, fear, awful thoughts and sleepless nights imagining awful scenarios, and then times where you feel stronger again. Thinking of you both so much and sending strength x

Mandylaidlaw profile image
Mandylaidlaw in reply to Bean58

Wow that is so sad I feel your pain there is nothing like this helpless feeling it is as you say strong one min then not noing how to cope but we do for them as every night woke up to not herring my hubby breathing laid there crying when he did as same for you would not wish this on my worst enemy but please try to keep your chin up lots and lots of hugs 😘😘

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