It's the out of tune beats, the nearly passing out
Running to it's own time, playing musical chairs
It was the passing out when lying n' sitting.
Cold sweats, sinking chest, fighting to stay awake.
_________ [line break]__________
It's goosebumps shivering. Skin going blue under the sun's warm rays.
It's the doctors not listening; misdiagnosing.
My uterus obscuring.
It's the guilt ridden pain that I should be dead.
__________ [line break]__________
It's the "your complicated, complex, unusual" - yet never-quite-believed
Test results and scalpels. Ignorance. Misunderstandings.
Assumptions and attitudes, breaching confidentiality.
Feeling less than; patronised; dirt beneath their shoes.
_________ [line break]__________
It's losing yourself while never being lost...
The finding your new normal, whatever that is.
The three two inch scars, raised above my chest:
Its the metronome beneath my skin.
_________ [line break]__________
Restrictions. Contradictions. Never quite the same.
It's being stronger than you realise.
It's knowing you're tougher than they think.
It's being broken yet not defeated; defiant til the next.
_________ [line break]__________
It's the constant metronome beneath my flesh...
Grateful it's there, that I'm here and not 'there'.
Adjusting to each stage. To yet a new 'normal'.
It's golden dust - the little things, that suddenly seem so big.
_______[END]__________
(C) all my own work, 13.11.2017
#youngheartsmatter #voiceslost #newnormal #bhf
Can't believe it
Do I have ptsd
