I have noticed i follow a fairly consistent pattern of strange emotions, i wondered if this was just me, or if others were the same (or had their own unusual ones instead)
I always find when my lungs first start to get cross beyond their usual 'couple of puffs of ventolin' type cross-ness i get annoyed, mixed with a kind of 'if im going to have an asthma attack i might as well get a load of stuff done first' i found this the hardest stage to overcome - i get an overwhelming desire to go for a long wak, i've even wanted to go for a run, its not to hurt myself, but i feel like i want to prove that not only am i ok, i want to feel i am actively better than usual, and its all going to be fine. I get a lot of takeaways during this stage
Then i go into 'scared little kid' mode, i just want to curl up in my bed and be looked after by my mum (and im 18!) my mates use this stage to get me to hospital early, i WILL just do as i'm told. This is a short one, but i really dont like it. its a stressful one as i just want to be looked after, but still usually dont want to leave my bed!
Then i go into complete denial. Im not stupid and reckless like the first stage. I just ignore it. completely, get on with whatever i was already planning on doing. except maybe sleeping. but i just pretend its not happening (usually by listening to music) i find it hard to motivate myself to take ventolin or do peak flows or w/e during this stage
then i get a bit tired and there is a mad rush to ring an ambulance (or go to a doc if i'm being stubborn) and more importantly as far as my brain is concerned, i make sure my bag is packed, i have food and entertainment as well as clean clothes etc. If im being sensible this happens while the ambulance comes - if not i ring afterwards
then in the hosp i perk up initially, i feel pretty in control and calm as they have basically taken over for me, i am just letting it happen, i am usually very strict with who comes near me, i dont trust anyone pushing those 'needle trolleys' but other than that its a pretty good stage
then i really crash, usually this actually happens as i've started to turn the corner, i think ive just been fighting too hard for too long and just want to curl up and sleep. (someone on here said they said ""i just want to stop breathing and go to sleep"" which beautifully sums up how i feel!) i get whingy and annoying, i dont cope well with pain or nausea, to the point that i have cried when the BP cuff got too tight for too long.
I dont really understand why my brain does this. Most stages seem to be counter-productive. i see no evolutionary advantages and yet it seems to be a fairly consistent pattern. so i figure there MUST be a reason. even if its a side-effect of something (for example changing blood gases...unlikely as i tend to be pretty good but that sort of thing could be possible) does anyone else get this? or have any ideas why my brain does this to me!?!