How do you break the news? - update!

Hi everyone

I have to somehow break the news to our son this morning that his mum (Snowy) was put back on the ventilator last night, she fought so hard to stay on BIPAP but it wasnt to be, I have stayed with her all night and she seems stable, a lot of alarms on her monitor kept going off and a lot of changes to meds etc but nothing major so thats good.

He has been staying and going to school with his friend since Fri when she was taken in, and I was in bits last night myself and did not think it appropriate to try and tell him in that state, I have told his friends mum and arranged to take him to school this morning to tell him then but he was so upset and confused last time which was only a week or so ago that I just dont know how to tell him this time? Last time he was there when it all happened so it was different & I know hes 13 and does understand but hes so close to his mum that I know it will hit him hard and have phoned the school in case he is late in or not in a fit state to actually go, feel like ive done all the prep work that I can, now its just the hard bit...

Thanks everyone for their ongoing support, dont really have much else to say right now, feel very emotional myself and no sleep so exhausted.

Thanks again


14 Replies

  • Oh Alex, my heart goes out to you. I really dont know what to suggest re. your son. My son is 14 and I always want to shield him from bad stuff. Sometimes I brace myself to tell him something and he takes it quite well, but I know they are all different. Praying for you all. xx

  • hi alex

    u need to just be honest with him.

    remember what i said bout her needing rest to recover and beauty sleep ;)

    good luck. however you tell him,

    thinking of you as always, hugs

    x x x

  • Oh Alex, I'm so very sorry to hear snowy is back on a ventilator. It must be so exhausting and worrying for you all.

    My son is 14 and I know he'd just want me to be honest with him. Like snowygirl has said, explain that her body is just having a rest/beautysleep.

    Am thinking of you all and my heart goes out to you. Try get some rest yourself too hunny.

    Lots of love, thoughts and prayers

    Emily x

  • So sorry to hear that Snowy's back on the ventilator. It must be so hard for all of you.

    I think I would approach it in the same way that Snowygirl suggested - Snowy has been fighting and fighting so hard, but she is tired and her lungs need more support, so this way she's getting the lung support and the rest that she needs.

    Keeping all of you close to my heart and in my thoughts. Feel free to rant and rave on here if you need to!


  • sorry to hear the news, its never easy to break news like that or know what to say.Theres no wrong or right way to do this, but I think the best policy is to be honest with him, and allow him to ask questions and talk about it when he wants.I think i would so snowy is taking a sleep/resting to help her get back her strength back. Even so it must be a very difficult time for you all and you must look after yourselves too. My heart goes out to you and i hope snowy gets well soon. Love and hugs to you all

  • Thanks everyone... but not done it yet


    Well I have not told him yet, several reasons

    1) I was late picking him up so he wasnt best pleased

    2) he was so full of events to tell me as last night as ive hardly seen his since Fri and couldnt wait to tell me that he passed his last airmanship exam in Air cadets so can now go to passing out parade and graduate fully

    3) he has his final year 8 science exam today to get back into the top set when he starts in Yr9 in sept, he was so nervous as he has to pass at a high level in GCSE to get into the RAF and thats the only reason he went to an out of area school as its a science academy so didnt want to upset him before that.

    When he did ask how she was I said she was very unwell but stable and was receiveing the best treatment, and we would talk more after school, so now have a few hours to get my head around how to say it, I think everyone is right to be honest and I feel bad for not doing that this morning, but with so much going on I thought it best not to ruin his future with upsetting him this morn when nothing was really going to change?

    Just hope I did the right thing?


  • hi alex sorry to hear snowy is back on the ventilator sending you all good wishes and hopeig that she isnt in too long this time.

    with regards to telling your son im 19 and have a 14 year old sister early last year a close elderly relative was very extremely poorley in icu my mum was just honest with us which i think was the best thing as we understood what was happning that way and in our circumstanes prepared us. so my advice would be the same as everyone in that wehn you feel the time is right just be honest with him - snnowygirl seems to have the best way covered in her comment i think.

    also i think you did the right thing not telling him this morning a it wa likly to distract him my mum held out telling me until after the driving lesson i was having tht dy as it was th last one before my test nd she knew i would want to cancell it if i knew.

    best of luck to your son today in his exam and i hope telling him isnt to difficult

    make sure you look after youselves eat and sleep and stay strong for snowy

    thinking of you all

  • Alex I think you did the best thing. Today was an important day for your son and one that he needed least distractions for.

    Sending all the love in the world. X

  • Thinking of you all x

  • Hi Alex

    Thinking of you all.

    Clare Xx

  • Thinking of you all - I do hope things improve soon, and also that your son's exams went well - not easy to deal with everything going on with his mum plus exams, but congratulations to him on passing his airmanship exam!

  • Just to say....I agree with what the others have said about being open with him....and also that you were right to wait and not tell him this morning.

    My heart goes out to you both and I'm thinking of you all. Hope things start to improve really soon for you all.



  • My thoughts are with you alex and your son. It must be really hard to deal with all of this right now. Its better to be open about it. You are doing ok just take it one step at a time ok.


  • It sounds as though the answer you gave L this morning was pretty honest, but without going into detail. I'm glad that he knows details now, and I'm sure he's devastated (as I am, even though I don't know Snowy at all), but it's good that he's in the picture, and can be there for his mum if he wants to be.

    Still thinking of all of your family constantly, Alex, and hoping that things improve with all this extra intervention. I've said it before, but please let me know if there's anything I can do.


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