I'll try to keep this as short as possible, as there is so much i could talk about. I'm 19 years old, and will be heading off to uni in 8 months which is why i am making this post now.
My grandma has been a life-long smoker, and around 2 years ago was told by her GP that she has COPD after some serious breathing problems. She kind of just brushed the diagnosis off & forgot about it, while continueing to smoke.
This has all come to a climax after around 5 months ago she woke up one morning and could hardly breath. She had to go to hospital in an ambulance and ended up being hospitalised for 4 days.
I should mention that since being diagnosed with COPD, her memory has been getting progessively worse. It's now at a point where very basic questions really confuse her. She has also started coming out with random and often mean quick sentences, which she has never done in the past.
I believe that the dementia-like symptoms are probably related to a lack of oxygen to the brain caused by the COPD (there are many studies on this).
I'm just 19, and am really the only one in the family who bothers to research COPD or dementia. Everyone has tried to get her to quit smokeing, but she won't. She also say's that she does not have COPD, does not remember ever being diagnosed with it, and blames all the symptoms on hayfever (yes, even in winter!).
I convinced my mum to take grandma to a memory clinic, with the hope of getting her on some drugs which would slow the progression of the dementia-like symptoms. After not being able to answer questions like; 'who is the prime minister?' Or 'what month is it?' She refused to take part in any more of the consultation, and just left.
I'm now at a loss as to what to do. Like my uncle say's, it's like she's on a suicide mission.
At the end of all the stress of this, because i am the ONLY person trying to understand it, i had a serious panic attack while sitting in a cafe one day around 4 months ago, and after getting some professional help have been told i have severe anxiety & am now on meds for it.
Like i say, i'm at a loss. One side of me says all we can do is let her do what she wants to do and let it go from there, but another side say's something reallyneeds to be done.
Once i go off to uni in 8 months, i will be no longer be able to help.
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RyanD98
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First of all let me say you are a very kind hearted and good grandson. 👍 Well done for wanting to take care of your grandma.
How old is your grandma by the way? My grandma was also a long time smoker. She smoked for over sixty years. In her eighties she began to have breathing issues and heart ptoblems. Your story made me think of her. She was about eighty five when my dad and grandad made her give up smoking. She became very miserable, I remember this very well. I think in her life that was one of her comforts. My mum being quite practical argued that she was already so old and depriving her of her one joy was doing her harm mentally. I was pretty young so I don't really know what would have been the best solution but I do remember she lost a bit of her "spark" after she stopped smoking. She used to sneakily ask our gardener to buy her cigarettes, and he would sneakily cooperate until daddy found out. 😊
Your grandma is an adult and so it will be difficult to force her to seek treatment unless she agrees and acknowledges that she needs it. I think over time when she starts to feel worse she may want it. Also, as the dementia progresses, your family may take steps to get treatment . Depending on the type of dementia some are hard to treat , like frontal lobe dementia. Although she could be suffering from hypoxia, this could well be a normal decline in mental faculties as we tend to do as we get older. Right now she is in a bit of denial. Your family might be too, to a certain degree.
As for you, you are probably taking far, far too much on your young shoulders. You will be going off to university soon. Use this period to spend time with your grandma. Don't spend it trying to test if she has dementia by asking who the prime minister is, spend it by doing things together or simply sitting and having tea together . If she gets facts wrong or repeats herself etc. please don't correct her. Play along. People who have dementia get very stressed if they are constantly corrected or reminded.
There are some things you cannot help or control. Now, is a stressful time in your life, and although you are being very good in caring for your nan, you need also to care for yourself. Self care before you can care for others. I hope you will update us again if you'd like too.
Hi Ryan, you’ve had a great reply from Caspiana so l can only say that your grandmother is very lucky to have such a wonderful person in her life. Sadly though nobody can make her face up to health problems or stop smoking.
You’ve done your very best so go to university knowing that.,
Hi Ryan, Caspiana has said everything that I would have said to you. There are people in the generation above you who are responsible for sourcing the care that your grandmother needs And to deal with her COPD denial. As a Grandmother myself I can assure you that the best thing you can do is to spend happy and relaxing time with your grandmother and most of all- when you go away to keep in touch. Little notes or cards every few weeks with something funny to lift her spirits. You are a wonderful caring person but you need to take care of yourself. Leaving home and embarking on the next stage of your life is anxiety making in itself without the added stress of carrying the responsibility of your grandmother on your shoulders. As I said before, there are others to do that.
I am a Grandmother Ryan,and you are a very lovely young man.Your Grandmother will bet proud of you.
I hope you have a great life at university,don't worry your Grandmother will be well looked after while you are away.Take care of yourself,God Bless you in whatever you do.😁😄
Ryan,you are probably one of the most caring young men i have had the privilege to encounter on this forum and Caspiana has given you an equally wise and caring reply.go ahead and enjoy your time at uni and you can recount your experiences to your strong willed and slightly confused grandma who will delight in your tales..........best wishes skis and scruffy cat x
Ryan, so sorry to hear about your grandmother and Caspiana, such a great reply. I can relate to both cases, my father smoked his entire life and when he was told he had severe COPD he stongly denied cigarettes had anything to do with it. He also became very angry and bitter towards the end, saying things that were so mean that we all knew were completely out of the norm for him. We partially attributed this to lack of oxygen but I suspect drugs played a role as well.
He was 75 when he passed from sudden heart failure as he was in hospice care for COPD, which was due to his heart being over worked as his lung function was so low. We did attempt to get him to quit but in the end it was really just up to him, he knew what he was doing and the consequences. I often debate on whether we should've pushed harder or was it just better to let him end it being happy with a cigarette in his mouth.
I also smoked for 35 years and quit about 8 years ago, partially because I saw what it did to my father. However, COPD did finally catch up to me too, I was first diagnosed with the mild to moderate stage this last year but have obviously had it much longer. I walk regularly and take care not to breath anything harmful, my pulmonologist said he see's no reason why I can't live a normal full life, I know the reality but it's still nice to hear.
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