grief

[rockett777]

Oh my been up since 4am lm so unhappy, mountains of paperwork to go through, all the children have gone back to their own home's and l feel so alone. How do people walk through this, my heart feels ripped apart.

[newlands]

On the 27th of June it will be 13years since my husband died,i still remember the grief i felt in those early days ,you will get through this horrible time and learn how to cope time is a great healer at the moment you think i am talking rubbish like i did all those years ago .

Once you can start thinking of all those things you did together you are progressing , i had a small bean bag and would throw it at the wall in my frustration ,i talk too his photo and tell him family things and tell myself he is listening grief is horrible you will get there .

Take care

Dorothy xxx

[Hidden]

No one walks through it all rockett so you are not alone. When my parents died me and 2 of my sisters went through hell trying to sort everything out. It was very traumatic. Have you got anyone to help you with it? Hope it helps coming in here. Keep coming in even if it's just to vent. Anything that helps you is ok. You are going through a terrible time in your life. I am thinking of you and sending all my love. Lots of hugs xxx

[Louisiana]

Grief hurts and we all handle it in different ways....you don't know me as I am new, but I just want to send my thoughts to you.

[cofdrop-UK]

Dear Rockett

The point where folks leave to get on with their lives is, I feel, the loneliest and emptiest feeling and I am glad you feel able to confide in us just how you are feeling. I don't know how we get through it hun but we do, not that we ever forget or still have waves. We are all different and deal with things in our own way. There is no right or wrong way.

Bless you - it is so very hard. Please don't hesitate to come on here to vent. There will always be someone around and we're not bad listeners.

With love

cx

[pergola1]

Rockett: My husband is coping with terminal cancer after chemo, radiotherapy and at the moment is hanging in there but there are moments when I wonder how on earth I would survive without him.. I cant see him ever being his oldself so try and enjoy every moment . I am thinking of you and agree with all that has been said already. xx

[rockett777]

you are all so very encouraging,this time is so painful. I'm sad to for those who have very ill loved ones or indeed are ill themselves. Treasure every moment and try to get affairs in order. I realise today l dont want my kids having to deal with grief and all the paperwork.

As l have sorted through paperwork l realise how unwell my hubby really was. He had been being scammed for a year at £40 a month. As if we haven't had enough. The bank is helping.

Good bit of news though on contacting DWP they have sorted widows allowance and cancelled attendance,pension credit and sortied out my hubby's state pension.

[peege]

I am so sorry you're suffering Rockett. It is indeed a very painful time and there's so much to do. Sometimes it helps to have something to do and sometimes it all feels insurmountable.

I do hope you're looking after yourself as well.

Sending you love and the very best wishes. Peeg xxxx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to hear about your sadness Nh grief I hope in time it becomes much more was bearable for you. Take good care of yourself lots of love TAD XX

[Towse1950]

Rockett'do not know if your a man or a woman but I remember when the children started to become more independant I felt redundant, it's a case of challenging yourself to do things of interest, I read more dance to music in the house walk the dog. Paint the furniture. Keep busy smile it's infectious. I do feel sad some days then I need to chat to someone share a meal...it's difficult to cook for one. Xx

[rockett777 in reply to Towse1950]

Hi Towse 1950, l am a mum, the chidren are grown up and left home but my hubby and l became foster parents to teenagers so life is full. This does make grieving harder though as it really distress my foster son, who after a year of being with us isnt coping well... Thanks for hints to help.

[ageing-lioness]

Hello Rocket, I was in your situation last year, I can only empathise and of course sympathise, you are in a glass cage at the moment,your head is full of cotton wool and nothing makes any sense,reading admin papers is like another language.while echoing the posts of other friends on here....use them they are So supportive and helpful......I found that turning everything into a 20 min challenge...after 20 mins Stop and do something you are comfortable with for 20 mins,all the time baby steps, the day will end and you can look back and say I did all that today! It does help a bit. Also, talk to him,shout at him, I get really mad when I can't find what I'm looking for in his shed! You will come out the other side that's a proven fact! Best wishes AL

[emmo]

I have been widowed seven years and remember so well the grief - anguish is a better word I felt, particularly in the wee small hours. I started writing my thoughts in a journal, by hand not computer and in time the action of sitting writing with a cuppa ( and I have to admit a ciggy in those days) calmed me. I wrote the most awful nonsense sometimes but just things you cannot keep saying to friends and family and it did help. Also in a way the mountains of paperwork is good as it keeps you focused on other things for a while. Do take out some 'me time' to yourself. Don't hesitate to ask for help, friends, family or counselling services. You will get there but I know at the moment you don't feel this. Take care

Emmoxx

[rockett777]

thanks emmo, in the despair l feel everyone keeps saying be strong and focus. I know they mean well but my heart is broken, the other half of me has gone, l feel lost. Yours as others on this site have helped me.x

[helingmic]

As for your pile of paper, there are 2 techniques. First, my mum's! she used to push them all off the table and ask me to sort what's to keep and what's to throw away!

The second method, a gentler one, is to only do a little at a time. See if the couple of paper at the top are worth keeping.

For other tasks, go easy.

Are you a writing person? Write a letter to him and to yourself. Pour your emotions into it, complaints as well as good things. Nobody needs to see this and you can burn it or throw it away. sometimes this helps. Big hugs from this community, we are with you in this difficult time.

[Hidden]

beld

My son who was my full time carer died 4 weeks ago aged 38 I have no family at all now but thanks to good friends some of whom live 30 miles away and this site I am at least coping. It's hard but just take one day at a time, I am slowly getting on top of the paper work if I have forgotten some thing or some one they will either ring me or write. I have found this site a great help you don'tknow me but I am sending you all my love and lots of hugs xxxx

[jenss in reply to Hidden]

So sorry to hear of your son beld - it must be very tough for you. Remember we are always here if you need to talk/support. My very best wishes to youxx

[Hidden in reply to jenss]

Thank you so much for your reply. I have taken great comfort from the site ever since I found it which was just before my son was rushed into hospital. There are so manypeople on the site who are much worse than I am and I think if they can stay cheerful and keep going so can I. Many thanks for your best wishes

[peege in reply to Hidden]

Goodness, I'm so sorry to hear this Beld and so young.

I'm glad you have good friends to support and care about you.

Sending you very best, warm wishes. Peeg

[Jolyn]

The paperwork is a hard task, espcially when you're feeling so low. Do a bit at a time...you'll soon get through it. xxx