Other children...

[Thomass_mum]

Hi

We have been having a lot of problems with our older daughter (7) since Thomas got really bad with his asthma. Progressively her behaviour has been getting worse to the point she is naughty and rude to whoever is looking after her. I had her parents evening at school this evening and although she is excelling in her reading her maths and writing haven't improved at all. She is a massive worrier and although we are careful what we speak about in front of her her teacher and I feel this worry is causing her to lack concentration hence the lack of improvement. I just don't know how we can get past this.

Has anyone else had problems with other children?

Jenny x

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I don't have kids,but i just wanted to share my experience from when i was a kid. There were several 'scary' things happening around me at various points during my childhood. There were often cases where i was protected from a lot of the stuff that was going on as i was considered too young to know some stuff. These were the things i was most agitated about and the things that resulted in the most behavioural changes. I'd make sure you tell your daughter as much information as you think she can cope with, most of the time when you keep 'secrets' from her these 'secrets' will most likely be something really bad, so when she thinks you are keeping things from her, her imagination may run wild and also she will be coping with all this stuff on her own, as she wont be talking about it with you. Its obviously not appropriate to tell her how serious things could potentially become but make sure she is as involved as is possible, she might feel better and more involved.

another point is could her behaviour be attention seeking? If your son is very ill a lot of the time he will need more of your time and focus etc. could this behaviour be a way of trying to get more focus from you? if this is possible then maybe a bit of positive reinforcement when she does well at school. some days out just her and one parent, so she is the focus of attention may help.

Like i say, im not a mum, so i don't really know. but just something i know from my own experience. (in fact looking back i can pinpoint times when i was extrememly anxious at school etc. to events that i didnt find out about until years later)

good luck with everything!

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and it may be worth looking into things like dyslexia or dyscalculus if her teacher thinks these may be options (often overlookned for a long time if there are other suspected causes of poor progress) it seems unlikely as she is doing well in her reading, however i am dyslexic and it has never significantly affected my reading - it affects me more in other areas!

[Thomass_mum]

I am going to have another appointment with her teacher so we can talk about things in more depth. Also, my mum is going to try speaking to her see if she will open up to her about what's bothering her. One thing that has stuck in my mind is when he was bad 2 weeks ago he was having trouble with his breathing, then when I was driving home he was sick in the car and then went floppy and very sleepy. She tried to wake him and struggled and couldn't get him to keep his eyes open. She then got upset asking if he was going to die. I don't know why she thought that but perhaps she is just really scared.

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Its so hard on the other siblings isn't it. I always feel people praise the ""ill"" child for being brave but forget the siblings are often scared and miss their parents and siblings when they are ill.

I have an older son. His asthma is mild and controlled so although he knows what it feels like to be poorly he doesn't quite remember each time as they're so far apart. He has always been used to it as his brother was ill from birth. He only saw him once in nicu and got so upset it wasn't until he came home they saw each other again. It has been hard. He's acted out when I've had to miss something as my youngest was ill or in hospital. He's also acted out as sometimes when his brother has more attention, not intentionally just due to his appointments and needs when he's ill. I always feel guilty for that. However he's really done me proud and has adapted so well. We still have the occasional moan that its not fair if he thinks his brother gets ""special treatment"" ie staying up later as he needs meds at certain times but once we explain he's usually fine.

My eldest is very sensitive and takes it all in. He hates the hospital. It scares him because he associates it with his brother being poorly. I just try and make sure he knows if he is upset he can talk to us. That usually helps.

Its hard seeing the effect it has on siblings.