Feeling unlikable

[Greenheart1]

I've always been unpopular and the least like person in most givens groups I've been in in my life, I feel as if I cannot feel close or connect with anyone, I don't like myself

[lml885]

I feel similarly. I’d say write down what you like about yourself even if others don’t see it. It’s hard to offer sympathy or empathy to others if they aren’t offering you any. I know sometimes as Aspies we can offend people because we see things differently and don’t have the same energy level of stuff non Aspies do. I know that asking others their honest opinion about what we can do better is hard, but then again Aspies are known for being blunt; maybe asking for blunt or honest feedback about why someone doesn’t like you could be helpful. Then again, some people especially neurotypicals can be very difficult to deal with and lacking in their own empathy. Many of them are not worth it.

I’d say join a Meetup group or support group geared toward your special interest. Observe people and how they interact and you may get ideas on how to approach. I know it’s hard as imitating and masking is exhausting, I guess I just don’t have other suggestions as im having this same problem myself and trying to hard to reach out to others but annoying them and also being annoyed myself.

[j-o-h-n]

youtube.com/watch?v=AzjMmwk...(Not working as expected?)

j-o-h-n <===<<< Senior management is about to spike my spikes....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Health.

j-o-h-n Saturday 04/22/2023 5:15 PM DST

[Humanintraining]

I have your problem. I have only one state of consciousness and it's alertness and perfectionism. I can't go to a dance party and not simply question what's going on in everyone's head and I'm so preoccupied with that I don't attempt to make contact with anyone at all. I cannot imagine someone would want to engage with me so I don't even bother. I live alone and all of my friends I have contact with online and even though I could invite them over, cook for them, go out with them, all of the above, I don't attempt to bring us together because I know I'd be the buzzkill of the gathering anyway so I don't. Being highly intelligent and yet socially inept in a world where nobody needs someone else (except when it comes to money) can make you feel very redundant to a point where you isolate yourself and when people catch you doing that, they isolate themselves from you in turn. It's a recipe for disaster what confidence and mental health is concerned. Figure out what it is you want from this one life you have and use your wits to make it happen. It's all I can suggest. Only you know your limits & there are over 6.000.000.000 people with their own elaborate backgrounds to engage with. Some might be looking for a connection just like you. I don't anymore. I'm content with my life as a lone single hermit and though there's days where I feel the same as you, on the whole I'm quite content with running away into games and anime and movies and other distractions. If there's one benefit to our very unforgiving polarized world, it's that there's so many options to distract yourself from it. Whatever path you choose, mine or the one I suggested, you'll regret both. This is the essence of philosophy and life. You choose you lose. I would do the following in every situation that presents you with a choice: think about the suffering of the outcome of that choice, and then choose the suffering you're best able to deal with. Maximising pleasure is fruitless, minimising suffering worthwhile for people that seem to suffer from existence itself. Good luck with it. You can never think too much, you can only ever think badly.

[PearCider]

To a degree this is understandable. Your body language will be off. Your ability to empathise will be greatly impaired, and you won't be good at small talk. Concentrate on things you want to do for their own sake, and ask people about things you feel curious about. Before any social encounter, you might want to think of three good all-purpose questions (or ones that relate to that group of people or that activity) in case you get stuck.

[Clarrisa]

Have you been able to identify what it is you most like to do? It took me years to figure that out because I had been so wrapped up with doing things for others like my parents. If you are able to identify and focus on your own true interests you may meet some people along the way. If you don’t at least you will hopefully be doing things that you find pleasurable. A gifted therapist was invaluable to me when younger. His words have stayed with me and are still guiding and comforting me daily.