What is one thing that you do that ta... - Action on Postpar...

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What is one thing that you do that takes your mind off the negative thoughts while you find yourself alone taking care of your baby?

fluffy22 profile image

things that keep your mind off negative thoughts

9 Replies

Hi fluffy22

We're so glad to have you here with us in the APP community. Thank you for your first post sharing about your experience and the challenges you're facing during recovery. You are absolutely not alone - as you've heard from lots of other mums, so many of us struggle with our confidence and the bond with our baby after PP.

My girls are 16 and 11 now, and I felt so similar to you in the first year after they were born. I hope I can reassure you that, although it took time and patience, we have a fantastic bond now and we can talk openly and honestly about when "mummy had a poorly brain".

I was thinking back to the times when I felt really anxious alone with my eldest daughter - like you, I felt everyone else was an expert with her and I sometimes felt a bit like a 'spare part' until I grew my confidence with time alone with her. These are a couple of the things that helped, even when the bond didn't feel there:

- Listening to soothing music whilst cuddling her in my arms, letting myself cry if it was all feeling too much

- Carrying her in a sling or sitting her in a little baby chair whilst I did cooking or a few jobs around the house

- Lying on the floor with her reading some picture books

Keep being kind to yourself and just building up the time with your little one - you've got this mama.

Warm wishes

Naomi

Hi Naomi,

Thank you for your reply. Everything resonated with me and I am really glad for this forum. Yes that feeling that everyone is an expert, its tough but I will give myself the gentleness of with time everything will get better. Thank you for the things you did.

amyfj profile image
amyfjVolunteer

Hi fluffy22,

I found mindfulness, a cpl of minutes of deep breaths to reset the nervous system and compassionate self work to be invaluable in my healing process and to take my mind off things.

And just being in the garden in the sun.

But I appreciate these things aren't always possible so maybe a good cup of tea and a dose of self compassion.

You are doing great mama!

Xx

fluffy22 profile image
fluffy22 in reply to amyfj

Hi Amy, yes self compassion is so important

Hey dear, it’s really horrible having negative thoughts, especially surrounding your sweet children. I would have pretty horrific thoughts and ocd when with my kids which stemmed from what ‘the voice’ would tell me to do when I was sick, so I can relate to you.

For me it took a lot of self soothing and mostly time really.. for my brain to calm down and understand that I’m not a monster like the illness tried to make me believe. I think I’ve accepted I’m going to have horrible Intrusive thoughts/ pureo ocd at times, but they’re not so powerful anymore and goes away quickly. So it’s much better than what it was.

I’m sure yours will fade away more with time too xx

Are you still having some therapy to help with this? X

Hi Isabella,Yes I think the more self confidence will help greatly with any negative self talk. I dont have therapy at the moment because i am outside of the country, but will definitely go once I get back to Canada.

Pikorua profile image
PikoruaVolunteer

Hello Fluffy22,

are you in the UK at the moment? You said you are going back to Canada? A place I would love to travel to, especially British Columbia. I was helped by an artist throughout the night as I did not sleep much for 7 years. The time difference connected the both of us, I was painting frantically at night. Yep Vancouver must be heaving with creativity.

How are you today and baby??? Do you have a support network of kind people around you, whether friends or health professionals?

I was sectioned in 2010 and my mind shut of for nearly one year, thus I only remember toddler stage. My partner, my soul mate was the one who experienced our baby son and also caring for me full time.

My son is 11, nearly 12 ... we have a very close bond... when I was able to take more care of my son, I did a lot of things I know that would relax my soul, but simultaneously was fun and always part of learning to proceed with developmental stages. I went on tons of walks, lots of messing in the garden, splashing and painting, imaginative worlds, you name it.

Nature has been healing and my sons world of wonders.

Even though my recovery has been ongoing I was able to bring him up bilingual. Even though I often was silent with the external world/people at the time I always kept communicating to my son.

If you focus on your baby with a task at hand you will be fine. Lovely music in the background or mum singing to the lyrics...if you are French/English Canadian you could google about babies and toddlers activities and bilingualism. You know in some countries babies are always in the sling directly connected to mum, thus you could get on with your chores and your own hobbies...mums become great in multi-tasking.

Sending you much love, take care of yourself and all in stepping stones xxx

fluffy22 profile image
fluffy22 in reply to Pikorua

Hi Pikorua thanks for your message. Im visiting family in Kuwait right now then I will go back to Canada where we live me and my little family. Yes british columbia is so beautiful. I have to get resources from there I just have to be open and honest with them to get the proper help I need.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and reactions. It means a lot. Knowing that things to get better and how to approach life.

I am taking things slow, slow and steady as they say. Thank you for reminding me of a baby sling. maybe that would work well once I am on my own taking care of baby back in Canada. Here in Kuwait at the moment i am getting help from family members. I hope things get easier.

Pikorua profile image
PikoruaVolunteer

Hello fluffy22,

yes, we all have had huge struggles. PPP is a very traumatising experience. I can reassure you that all ladies on this forum are great survivors and amazing individuals and wonderful mums...it will get better and you are going to recover. Be kind and gentle to yourself, too. All in stepping stones. So pleased that you have support from your family.

x