Hi, you can call me Pat if you want. I am 19 years old and I've been struggling with severe anxiety and depression the last couple of months, I went to therapy for the first time last week and immediately the therapist channeled me with a psychiatrist. I don't know why I am like this or feel like this, I have a beautiful family and my parents are great even though they made mistakes, I know they really love me. Sometimes I think I just came out defective, I want to see everything as it really is but I feel like I'm wearing some kind of glasses that make everything turn blue, and that I am carrying something on my chest that just won't let me breath, neither think normally. The panic attacks are really intense, and it happens more and more often, I always think a panic attack will kill me and a part of me really wants it to happen.
My family is very religious, so it took me a lot to make them understand that a mental problem is just as serious as a physical one and cannot be fixed just by praying, two months ago they understood that's why I could go to a formal therapist but I think I will always be like this. I am hurting them because they now think it's all their fault, but it's my fault I let myself sink and I no longer see the purpose of continuing to fight against myself.
I'd really like to talk with someone out there just to feel accompanied. what happens to me will be an exaggeration?
Sorry if I misspell something, English is not my mother tongue. Thanks for your time, I really really hope that you are okay or at least you are improving.