I can't except my recovering body

[mrskelingtonhates]

2 months ago I started my anorexia recovery and my counselor says I'm doing better than anyone she has ever helped and even gave me rights to feed myself without writing it down. However I have gained weight and am having problems with not knowing how much weight I have gained, I'm afraid my body is too pudgy now and I can't make the feelings go away, especially at night when I'm able to think about how I look. I don't know what to do, I don't want to nearly go to the hospital again but my mind is telling me I need to lose weight and that I have gained way too much. I'm scared I will act on these thoughts

[crazycrossstitcher]

Great you are recovering so well - I know what a struggle this must have been and the battle you are fighting to get better. EDs are very good at keeping a strong hold of you - and especially through your mind - and recovery is not easy as, in my experience, the more you break away the more the ED tries to draw you back - and it sounds like that's the place you are in at the moment. But stay strong - talk to your counsellor about these feelings. I used to shout in my head at them and tell the ED to go away and to stop lying to me - as that's what these thoughts are - the ED trying to creep back in and take control. You don't need the ED any more - so hold on to the recovery. Good luck - take courage.

[mrskelingtonhates in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you that makes sense