Hidden Feelings

My wife, Karen, is a Type-A personality. Has been since the day I met her the first week of high school. I like to get things done but I'm nowhere near being in her class. I've always said she has two speeds, full out and dead stop, nothing in between, no compromise. This philosophy translates into the way she drives. We rush away from stops, accelerate right up to obstacles then stomp the brakes to slow enough to navigate the object of her ire and off we go again. When I became legally blind many years ago and had to give up driving I had serious doubts that our marriage could survive the transition to her being the full time driver. But we overcame and I basically never notice anymore. Until recently. That is why I bore you with all this.

Over the past several weeks I have noticed that the jack rabbit starts and stop on a dime endings were really starting to bother me. And I couldn't figure out why. It was nothing new. Nothing to get upset about. Nothing she was doing wrong. As a matter of fact, I was just grateful that she so willingly hauled my butt all over creation.

Then, slowly, it began to dawn on me. Subconsciously, I was seeing the rushing, speeding, careening style of driving as a metaphor for the current state of my life. I saw it as us heading headlong, fast forward, toward the inevitable. Toward that which I have little control over. Toward the final, bitter end. I know it's coming but I have no desire to speed my way there. I would like to enjoy the journey that we have left as much as possible. I realized that I am beginning to wish to be able to slow things down, to regain some control.

This was a huge surprise to me. I had no idea this was hiding in my twisted little mind. Funny how something you're so used to and take for granted everyday, such as your wife's driving, can bring you to the realization of your true feelings. Anyway, that's been my major revelation for the week. Yours.....

Randy

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  • At 86, I feel in control of my life because I accept that there is more sand in the bottom of my hourglass than at the top. I think quickly and act quickly when necessary but otherwise, enjoy slowing down to enjoy the moment. I live in an independent living facility where several residents have low vision and enjoy life to the fullest.

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