Does anyone believe they can give themselves away and be left with nothing, ive spent 7 months dealing with siblings crisis and now I'm wrung out and strung out i feel that previously I was recharging on positive energy of gratitude but now their crisisis sorted and I am left emotionally numb,lethargic and in need of help ,I am afraid next crisis will be me ,im not reacting normally to things I am no longer compassionate empathetic like I used to be there is just nothing there.
Feel like a shadow or empty shell my physical health is OK at the moment but I've never had this non reactive feeling before its like I'm not .........music doesn't move me books and TV are bland brain fog securely in place,
Hi marhayes , think the feelings of emotional overload can affect us all at times, I know I have felt like that many times in my life the worst occasion being when I had a baby and my husband was paralyzed by a brain hemorrhage 3 weeks later .
Looking back now I would tell myself 'good or bad nothing lasts forever one day you will be happy again' .
Each day in the bad times I used to try to find some small positive thing on which to focus.
I deal with things better now and give myself time to heal , I know I must try to avoid anxiety to help control my episodes of P-AF and have learned to mentally remove myself from situations with relaxation techniques, breathing exercises and long walks in the countryside.
Sorry but I can't. I'm also on a downer at the moment - as I think we all are. Are you back in afib ? That doesn't help and the way I am at the moment it's soon going to return. I too feel on a right downer at the moment.
You wrote
"I am no longer compassionate empathetic like I used to be there is just nothing there"
Yes there is. That won't go away and will return - I promise you that. You'll see - don't beat yourself up about it. Your compassion will return when you work through your current problems.
It's good to talk and folks are very helpful on this forum. There is also a healthunlocked forum that may help you.
So sorry you feel this way , but I feel that you can give too much of yourself to people and then feel totally shattered after it . Give yourself time to recover and don’t feel guilty about saying no . Take care x
There is a very old, well known Hebrew saying - If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And being for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?
Sounds like burnout - you have given too much, now it’s time to care for yourself which means putting yourself first. Excessive caring for others will kill you, no that’s not a judgement, it’s shown in statistics.
I always think about it a bit like the announcement they give on planes - please fix your oxygen mask before helping others - very similar!
Sit with yourself, see what you need and are not receiving. Learn to receive - it’s much harder to do than give. Your feelings will return but when they do make sure your compassion and empathy are for YOU. Counselling will help you to do this so embrace that process and it is a process and it does take time - a much longer time than you imagine.
Counsellors themselves learn these principles during their training and have protocols in place to prevent them from burnout but even then many do. Anyone in caring professions is most at risk but many people who are ‘copers’ beat themselves up because they think they can cope. And it’s a bit of a shock to learn that we all have times when it’s really hard to cope as the hardest thing to do is to say no to someone in need, especially when others are used to you dropping everything to care for them and some may not like that you say no I can’t do that.
Know you will come through this, hopefully wiser and with a lot more compassion for yourself.
thanks for your words of kindness and encouragement I just have to get the energy to take a step back and start some selfcare,hope those who have been receiving will understand my need to look after me now ,i hate this feeling of having been drained of what is the real me .
I think that sometimes when life gets really tough our emotions have to shut off for self preservation, or we'd go mad!
This period will pass eventually I can assure you, but your body knows what's best for you right now.
I had 16 years of wondering if my daughter's abusive boyfriend would eventually kill her. The closest he got was strangling her until she passed out and then calling his mother to say he thought she was dead. On top of all this my marriage broke up.
I know just how you feel right now and can promise you that you will feel more alive eventually. To get through this period try to find something in life that you really enjoy and just act the part of being a happy person. Nature is a great healer and I suggest walking in the countryside away from other people and absorbing the calmness there.
I understand and am here for you. Big healing hug being sent your way.
Jean, im astounded with the responses from you and everyone encouragement and empathy are lightening my heart as I sit here wondering what now ,consensus seems to be that its not hopeless and that I can be me again but a me aware of my vulnerabilities and need to look out for me ,a big deal, a mountain to climb but you are all helping me see that self care counselling etc can hopefully heal my splintered being x
I really feel for you marhayes. Like you I am always there for friends, family in crisis. One tends to soak up their problems and come away feeling drained. I have learned to recognise this coming now and call a halt even though it goes against the grain, Having got to the point you have, you will learn to do the same in future. For now, you must Walk away, and take time out for yourself. Rest and only do exactly what you feel able to do. Try to have a little walk every dayand keep friends who are not so demanding around you at this time. You will feel better and come out stronger to cope in future with the added help
its the fact that I cant bounce back this time scares me i have been drajned from stress before but I picked up quickly but this is dragging on and dragging me down,i need to be wise and cautious for me thank you
hello thank you for your helpful and kind words I hope I can take on board the wise and caring words , im trying to write my feelings as writing is theraputic for me and i will list the must dos and get to each as hopefully each small step makes me more self aware of my needs and boundaries I need to set to protect me,x
I’m flattered that you found it helpful. Take one day at a time and take time out for you. Try not to dwell on others problems at the moment. Let us know how you are doing. This is a lovely site.
It always happens to the nicest of people like yourself.
I have been where you are & I have no doubt it gave me AF so if things had been different or I had found the balance as CDreamer mentions then who knows I may have never acquired AF.
You take care now & you’ll come out the other side like I did & the music will move you again 💝
The teaching ‘Love others as yourself’ is often misinterpreted as ‘Put others first’ which is good in some circumstances but you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first. Take time now to cherish yourself.
Easier said than done but I will surely try thank you
I'm overwhelmed by all your kind and encouraging input,I hope for a brighter day someday, today is bad feel im sinking but all your words have lifted a little of the despair thank you all again x
I am going through something very similar ... you are feeling that way because you are emotionally damaged. It’s a horribly sad feeling and hopefully one day it will go away. I just listen to the inner voice. It guides me and l feel less cold and empty and more happy and excited about life and all the beautiful things it has to offer. Therapy isn’t always the answer. Inner strength is the solution.
Oh I do hope you can get yourself through this and I’m sure you can, you sound like a strong willed person. Seek help if you need it, let people know how your feeling hiding it does more harm. You have a right to say I’m not OK. You will be surprised how kind and helpful people can be. Take some nice walks in the sunshine if it’s out, watch your favourite programme or read a good book if it’s not. I know how you are feeling as I’m suffering too at the moment. Meditation and relaxation is good, lots of free videos on YouTube. Hope the counselling helps you, I am waiting for some too. We are strong, we can do it 💪🏻. 🤗
Thank you ,hopefully the strength can be found somewhere,i feel so not me at the moment counselling was good when my husband died so I do have faith I will try and do things that would normally give m e pleasure and something may hit the spot and melt the frozen emotions x
Oh, what a difficult time for you. So much good advice being offered here. I completely agree, we can give too much and be shattered by it. Especially with health issues on top of it all. But you’ve made an appointment for help. Being able to make that commitment shows you’ll be able to find your balance again. Is there a depression hotline you can call for some support in the meantime?
When I was once in the depths of a depression, a counselor asked me to write a list of some things I could do for self-care and then try to do at least one every day. Even if they were as tiny as having a bar of good chocolate, or picking a flower, or just breathing. To this day that list is in my head, and works. I remember feeling a tiny flicker of joy when a random toddler smiled at me in the grocery store during that time and a feeling of lightness on a warm sunny day. Those tiny things were the start of getting me through. Sending hugs and hope.
Marhayes, it won't always be this way. I have needed counseling over the years and it has moved me to better places. Hold steady. It sounds to me like your emotional bank account was overdrawn. It takes time to build it up but it can be done! Quiet times, prayer and inspirational reading - giving myself room to heal and make new emotional deposits - helped me. I became stronger through it.
There is hope. Again, it won't always be this way.
Thank you i am in a bad place but now see hope I will cling to the shred and nurture it with all the good and kind advise and will get to a better place
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