Telling your workplace about diagnosis?

[Yzinger]

Hi all, you've been so helpful in my initial post re: Newly Diagnosed and shocked

**50yr old, recent diagnosis Gleason 9 - spread to two bone areas**

I am now curious how the community told their managers or directors about the journey and did they take time off? Quit? Retire? etc...

I am worried they will take me off projects, panic about making sure they train someone else etc. I do IT work which requires my head to be in the game and I think I can be a pro and stay true to that but I'd be lying if I said this cancer takes up some of that mental capacity.

I understand that down the road there could be treatments that wipe me out maybe for a few days too...

Thanks so much

[JohnInTheMiddle]

Hi YZ. IT huh? I'm sort of in that field although I'm 10 years older than you. Here's some things I've learned that maybe relevant to you concerning career and workplace relationships and your diagnosis.

1. The average person almost never understands that there's a difference between metastatic prostate cancer and just prostate cancer.

2. As you and I know here there is a huge difference, between night and day.

3. If you say to someone I have metastatic prostate cancer and bone lesions etc etc, all they will hear is you have prostate cancer - or at least that's all they will remember.

4. This is to your advantage! Because most people think of prostate cancer as the cancer that men can live with until they die. It's inconvenient and aggravating and people live with it!

5. So if you have to explain that you need time off for some medical procedures etc then your supervisors and colleagues will probably not think that your capabilities are affected in a big way!

6. This is not in any way misrepresentation - people are busy and don't have time to be an expert on everything.

7. Obviously this approach only applies if you are ambulatory and functional etc. So as per my previous note on your other question, exercise and find out about triplet therapy etc etc.

8. And as for thinking clearly, the ADT may cause you to experience fatigue. Can't remember if I've mentioned, but Ritalin has helped me with that. Plus exercise.

I'm not commenting at all concerning your own situation, rather just about how the average person thinks about prostate cancer as not such a big deal.

[Yzinger in reply to JohnInTheMiddle]

So true - even some of my close friends and family think that way - although, we also often say we CAN live it with it right?

[JohnInTheMiddle in reply to Yzinger]

100%! We can and we will live with it and thrive with it!

But as I have found our local Toronto prostate cancer groups are completely different as to whether you have advanced or metastatic or not. I have stopped going to the prostate cancer group that is not the Warriors group. Is just a waste of precious time.

At the beginning of my journey it actually took me a little while to actually realize this myself. So much of the introductory prostate cancer literature is oriented to the non metastasized cancer situation. And the distinction is not really emphasized.

[swwags]

Here you are anonymous. At work you are not. Depends on your work environment but you will be treated differently. People will avoid you because you told them you have cancer. Now you've will have made them uncomfortable. Of course you will get less important work. You may be indisposed for medical reasons. Legalities aside, you will be type cast. You've also made yourself vulnerable to unscrupulous people. Keep it to yourself. As for me, I told my boss, hi, I'm retiring, that was in 2015. We still meet for lunch. The few close friends I have told, expect updates every time we're together. I so regret telling anyone.

[JohnInTheMiddle in reply to swwags]

Yeah. Me too. Sort of. But then when you're done show up to things like you used to it's weird.

[mrscruffy]

I told my boss I would be retiring early (54) which i was planning to do at 56. Told boss I would stay on as a consultant 2 days a week to train y replacement. Only other person i told at work was my secretary. Retiring was the best move ever

[Yzinger]

Thats good. Tell me, has anyone claimed critical illness benefit and had mortgage covered?

I am going through that process now.

[witantric]

I would not tell until you feel like it is impacting your work. I have a friend fighting PCa for 20+ years. Has worked constantly. If anything it has made more focused

[Yzinger in reply to witantric]

20+ years? wow, I'd like more details on his journey. Also, does PCa mean Prostate Cancer Aggressive? Did he have any mets?

[witantric in reply to Yzinger]

He had RP and the recurrence. I will find more. But I feel like his work hasn’t suffered at all

[tn12 in reply to Yzinger]

No means Prostate Cancer.

[Yzinger in reply to tn12]

but i see it often with the small "a" after

[FormulaRob]

honestly I would just keep it private to start .. once you start getting to where you can’t hide it (maybe daily radiation appointments or something ) then we’ll it’s time to tell them BUT I wouldn’t go into much detail

I would just say it’s prostate cancer and I’m about to be treated for it and I expect to be good as new by the end of it.

They will pry for more info probably but I would assure them everything under control

A lot of people have things come up that distract them from work.. so I wouldn’t say you’re any different from the next person in that regard (although their problems likely seem very trivial to anyone going through this)

[Benkaymel]

I retired before I was diagnosed so didn't have to make a decision about telling them. However, I have no problem telling friends and members of my function band - in fact I think it's vital they know why there are changes in me such as fatigue meaning I have to take breaks setting up and packing down equipment. Also I take a bar stool along to sit on while playing when I need a rest. They need to know why I've had to make these changes.

So in a work situation I guess it depends on how the PCa and treatment will affect your ability to carry on as normal that should determine whether you tell them.

[Derf4223]

Yz-- I too am continuing to work, luckily I had WFH privileges from early in the pandemic.

Are you and your employer US-based? If so, the Federal ADA law covers cancer.

I agree with limiting who you tell, but you probably want to tell your close co-workers that it is being managed. As for your boss, here's a posting of mine about the right way to do that.

healthunlocked.com/advanced...

Subsequent to that post, I filed an Accommodation Request with HR and my boss chain only knows I have one on file. Good luck.

[j-o-h-n]

You can never put that toothpaste back into the tube..........

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 08/15/2023 1:36 PM DST

[ron_bucher]

In the USA, cancer patients are protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act just like anyone else with any disability. That means 1) your employers is not able to treat you differently than colleagues due to your disability and 2) your employer is obligated to provide reasonable accommodations for handling your disability. I would be surprised if Canada doesn't have similar protection for cancer patients.

[timotur]

I would keep it close to the vest as you go through treatment, until there is a need to tell someone outside your family. It just opens up too many variables and other things to think about if you divulge it at work. Even though the laws protect your employment, there are hidden agendas in every company, especially if you are senior and higher on the pay scale. Tread carefully. I didn't even like divulging cancer to my friends, as their responses sometimes made me feel worse-- "PSA 29? -- that's high!", or "how long do you have". It certainly didn't help until I had a handle on what was coming as I approached treatment.