OfIt's impossible

[Tormented555]

It's impossible for me to have any kind of positive self esteem with ADD. I can't compete, I can't do it, everyone else can do it, I can't do it. Why? Because my brain is defective, and every day ADD reminds me of this as I do one stupid spaced out, forgetful thing after another. I try and I try, but I can't change. I'm reading Gabor Mate's book "Scattered Minds" and learning exactly how my brain is defective, what parts are undeveloped, etc. Hasn't been much help in changing anything yet, I guess I'll have to keep reading, and actually try to finish a book. Hopefully some day I can learn not to hate myself so passionately. It goes with the territory, when your biggest problem by far is YOU (or in this case, ME). What are normal people's lives like? What is it like to not be constantly tripping over yourself as you go through life, to not be dragging that huge ADD ball and chain with you everywhere you go? I'd like to know.. Maybe then i could actually accomplish something, actually follow something through to completion. More importantly I just want to be happy some times, and relaxed, and not worried about what I'm going to screw up next. Stuff traumatizes you after a while. I feel like I have PTSD over it.. "here it comes again"... ADD, OCD, PTSD, I'm collecting all the letters, soon I'll have the whole alphabet.. then I can use them to spell "I HATE MYSELF"

[Gettingittogether]

So sorry for your pain and frustration. ADHD is a devastating condition for many of us. It makes so many basic tasks difficult. And the world doesn't get why we struggle to do many so-called basic tasks, like getting to appointments on time, or heck, remembering to schedule appointments and on and on.

I only hope you keep reading on this site. You'll find a well informed and sensitive and compassionate community of people here.

[STEM_Dad]

Dr. Gabor Mate's notion that ADHD is caused by trauma is not supported by the research into ADHD. (Mate says that he has ADHD, and that he suffered trauma as a young child. He has also talked about how as a doctor he has treated many patients who had childhood trauma.)

It may be true that people who have ADHD are more heavily affected by trauma than neurotypical people would be. Just living as a neurodivergent person in this neurotypical dominant world is traumatic for us (general trauma, not specific trauma)...which contributes to anxiety & depression.

Regardless, if you have experienced trauma as a child or as an adult, it's a good idea to get professional treatment for the trauma.

If you really want to look into how ADHD and trauma overlap, I recall that this video by a therapist who specializes in treating childhood trauma was informative. (It's been a while since I've seen it, so my memory is hazy on it. I'll rewatch it later, when I'm off work.)

youtu.be/lYD0Q4oMYXw?si=lEU...(Not working as expected?)

[STEM_Dad in reply to STEM_Dad]

Tormented555 , as for what you're experiencing, I empathize. It sounds like your struggles are difficult, indeed.

When I got diagnosed with ADHD, I felt very validated. Knowing that the continuous struggles in life were not due to character flaws, but because of a neurodevelopmental condition.

I'm glad that I soon found acceptance within myself of my own ADHD. I got excited, thinking that everything was going to be alright.

But in the few years that have passed since my diagnosis, I've still found life to be full of struggles. Meds and therapy have helped, so it's not as much of a struggle, but it's almost as much. So, for the struggle, I've developed a different sort of acceptance...more akin to stoicism.

Anxiety and overwhelm are still problems, but I try to get through one day at a time. It's all I can do.

[Mamamichl]

I have adhd, ptsd and anxiety. There have been MANY times I’ve hated my brain and who I am. It does help to be in the right environment immensely. Finding the right one for me has been a lot of honesty with others and openness, even at interviews. It has taken me 20 years of counseling and some strong boundaries with my parents in order to help work on my own mental health. I also left my husband of 10 years and my current partner of 12years is an amazing support. Forcing myself to focus my strengths also helps.

[alg60]

Check this out from Russell Barkley, PhD, perhaps the most esteemed expert in ADHD today. Please keep this in mind as you read this book. youtu.be/bO19LWJ0ZnM?si=MWT...(Not working as expected?)

[Tormented555 in reply to alg60]

I checked it out, and it seem to me that he is grossly misrepresenting Mate's words - ."I believe that ADD can be better understood if we examine people's lives, not just bits of DNA." And -"If in this book I emphasize environment, I do so to focus attention in an area that most books on the subject neglect and none explore in nearly enough detail." Also "There is in ADD an inherited predisposition but that's very far from saying there is a genetic predetermination... the actual outcome is influenced by many other factors".. misrepresent something, and next thing you know you have hysterical comments like "Mate says that ADD is the parents fault!" And other such nonsense. (He distinctly says the opposite). Thanks, but I'll stick with Mate

[Trailblazer20]

Who defines normal and non-normal?! Listen, you would be surprised how many millions of people are having the same struggles as us!!!!! I have felt this pain over and over till I decided f-that!!!!!! Don't get me wrong.....I still have those days...... But the moment I accept myself for who I am and don't really care to much of what anyone else thinks of me. I have have better days.

That with a regimen of sorts. Work out, do Yoga, Eat right, don't listen to music that gets you down!!!! That feeds it!!!! I personally love heavy metal and when I hear it I get the adrenaline that kicks in which creates endorphins and boom....its a positive happy day. Some days I need other things like amusement parks, or a nice long walk in the sticks, free events in your area, learn something new for free through the courses online through the library, I paint.

Go volunteer... you'd be surprised at how much that can help change your mind and give you a better prospective on life! Lend people help when you can..... not expecting anything in return ..because it does return to you when you need it. and it brings up your spirits knowing you helped.

I do whatever brings my spirits up. These things are the best medicine including stop telling yourself you're broken or bad or not normal. Because the negative usually wins and you will stay stuck in that state of mind and never get out until you to decide F -THAT!!!! Ok!?

I'm still learning too and I do know what works!!!! and I know when I don't do these things I get stuck as well sometimes for a short time and sometimes for a long time. We all really decide our own fate or outcomes just by the way we think. So think positive!!!!

Ps: Listen to some influential speakers whom ever you are into and if you don't know of anyone.... google!

[2adhd4this]

T-555 give yourself a break man. We get enough shit from those around us that don't understand adhd. You are not alone we have all been there. I got so tired of not being able to think, do simple things or stop the noise in my head I just said fuck it. My head was in such a bad space I drove my car straight into a wall one night. The car was totaled but I walked away without a scratch. Now, I did get locked up which gave me time to think. I realized it wasn't just the great engineering of Mini Cooper that saved me that night. There had to be a power far greater at work because the crash was that bad. The front end was so smashed in the car couldn't just be towed. It had to be put on a flatbed and hauled away.

I now truly believe there is a reason for me to be here and a reason for me to be the way I am. I don't know what those reasons are yet, and my life didn't magically become perfect. I still constantly misplace my keys, continue to be late and often burn stuff on the stove but it doesn't bother me anymore. I take my meds, exercise daily and work at focusing on positive things. By doing these things I discovered I have adhd superpowers. I am really good with working with little kids and can hyperfocus on things that interest me. I love researching antiques, coins, jewelry, trading cards, WW2 memorabilia and the list goes on. As a side hustle I post things for friends on eBay and get a cut. Find your superpower and remember neuro-typical people might be able to finish a task, but they're also boring.

Whatever thing you think you can't do or whatever thing you think you fucked up so have the rest of us & probably more than once. So next time you start feeling like shit and are going down that dark rabbit hole reach out to your new fam. You're not alone anymore you have a whole community standing with you now.

[Tormented555 in reply to 2adhd4this]

Thanks. It's really not about other people at all. It's about me slowly being driven insane. Here I am now, walking the dog, and I really wish I had sunglasses. I buy pairs by the dozen, they disappear and I can't find them when I need them, so I go without. Story of my life. Over and over and over again. I say on a regular basis - "I just can't take it any more." But I do. I have to. So, I just go through life hating life and hating myself, on a regular basis. At least when I die it'll all be over

[2adhd4this in reply to Tormented555]

I stopped buying designer sunglasses for that very same reason. Now I just go to the dollar store buy a bunch of them and put them everywhere. This way when I lose a pair I just blame it on the sunglasses. What drives me crazy is when I lose something I just had in my hand. I don't know how it happens, but I do it constantly. Sometimes I have total recall of the non-existence. I would have a clear memory of putting something in a specific spot but nope it never happened. One thing that messes with my head is when I'm spinning so bad that it takes me forever to get myself together to just get out the door. When I finally get there, I'm so freaking exhausted and frustrated I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to go back to bed. I wish I could say I soldiered on every single time and went about my plans. But no, I just went a few blocks to the gas station picked up some Black cherry Mike's Hard Lemonade then went home and got comfy. The only thing that makes me feel better is snuggling with my doggies and watching horror movies.

I know it sucks and it's not fair and you have every right to feel the way you do. But I don't want you to stay there. Don't hate yourself hate other people it's much more fun. (Before anyone gets bent out of shape that was just a joke). What do you actually like to do for fun? I'm sure you can come up with a better idea than I did.

[Tormented555 in reply to 2adhd4this]

Glad your attempt didn't succeed. I know someone who did succeed. Same way, too. Nice guy. Very sad.

[2adhd4this in reply to Tormented555]

I learned a very weird thing about myself. When I was locked up, I discovered I never felt so comfortable anywhere in my whole entire life like I did when I was in jail. I don't know what that says about me, but I just fit right in. Crazy huh?