My adopted has ADHD has been nasty when she doesn't get her way & flies off the handle over little things & is behind on her schoolwork. Yes I know - all ADHD behavior. She wants to go to a car/motorcycle show on way home this weekend - it's a 2.5 hour detour from where we will be staying. I am in no mood to schlep so far out of the way for her when she's been disrespectful, etc. Thoughts anyone? I try to implement the Nurtured Heart Approach but find it has limitations - also ADHD Dude methods but would love to find another parenting method that helps more w/ the angry outbursts (which I ignore as suggested but IT'S VERY DRAINING
Thanks for any insights!
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csep
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I have the same issue with my 18 yo son. It has improved as I have implemented ADHD Dudes advice, but it does still happen and it is very draining. I have been standing firm when he is disrespectful and acts awful when he doesn’t get his way. If he has worn me out I just tell him that and tell him after all the stress I don’t have the energy to do whatever it is he wanted. Some days I handle it better than others but I do think it’s improving the more I stay out of the argument and stand firm in what I’ve told him will happen. I really want him to know he doesn’t have a free pass to treat anybody that way because he has ADHD. Sorry, not much help but I can relate.
I'm sorry you're going thru this. I would not indulge their car show request.When they get mad explain that your energy is like money, there is only so much of it.
When your spend so much time defending yourself or dealing with their unkind behavior you don't have energy for other things like a 2.5 hour detour.
When they scream that you are manipulating them or punishing them, as calmly as you can, tell them you are just explaining how things work.
The car can't run worthout gas and you can't run without energy.
When they continue to seethe tell them they can be as angry as they want.
You can agree with them "I can see how it feels that way, that is not my intention."
Calm is key and I know it's not easy. I just repeat what I said if my kids keep at me. Or I completely agree "yes I am a terrible mother" or "you are absolutely right this isn't fair" It gives them nothing to hang on to. I wouldn't agree with egregious statements but I understand their frustrations.
It is frustrating when you don't get your way, that's true.
It is unfair you don't have enough energy to treat them to the car show, indeed.
Hang in there. If you think taking them to the car show will earn you favor it won't. You won't stay long enough, or not buy them the souvenir, there will be something.
They need to figure out what they are actually scared of that is creating all the anger, it's usually fear based. Anger and emotional disregulation is one thing. Being nasty, mean and manipulative is a choice within that.
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