Young Adults with Melanoma

Dating During and After Cancer?

Hi all my name is John. I am 35 and single and going through my third battle with melanoma in four years. I was dating someone at the beginning of my first battle, unfortunately her mother had died as restult of lung cancer about a year prior. She couldn't deal with everything involved and backed a way. I wasn't too upset because it gave me a chance to really focus on my treatment and getting well.

Three years later at the onset of my second battle with cancer I had just started seeing a woman. I did not intialy tell her that I was beginning and going through treatment. Through conversation I came out that her mother had died as a result of breast cancer and it's treatment. I knew that given the emotional ties she had to cancer I couldn't not tell her about what I was going through. We did go on a few more dates but she did break things off to protect herself.

I would like to know other peoples stories with dating and cancer. Did you date during treatment? How and when did you tell them about the struggle that is the rest of your life?

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Hey John! Sending positive vibes your way with your ongoing fight with this terrible disease.

I’ve had some issues with dating as well, I broke up with my bf of a year and a half after a major surgery for multiple lesions, lymph node biopsy in my armpit and groin, and a stage 2 diagnosis. He couldn’t seem to offer the understanding and support I needed in that time. And I felt like I was in such a funk that it wouldn’t be fair to him to continue since I was awaiting test results and knew I’d be going to several specialists way too often for the next five years.

I since have dated but it seems to be difficult for guys to understand what I’m going through, and my scarring tends to force me to put up walls thinking people won’t be understanding and accepting to them. (Mostly a huge chunk of my bicep missing with a 7 in long scar, and a golf ball sized hole in my shin from the skin graft). As a female, it can be hard to feel super attractive with such major scarring

I think the best thing to do is be super up front about it. From what you mentioned it sounds like your cancer has come up in conversation later on into getting to know one another. It doesn’t have to define you, but it is defiantly a huge part of who you are. The right people will understand and stand by you through it all.

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Oh wow, I cannot imagine. Thinking of you. I was married with kids when I was diagnosed.

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