Relapse...

[MissLJ]

Recovery is a long and hard process. It's not going to happen overnight, and some will have a rockier road than others.

Nobody expects you to start recovery and it be plain sailing, and you should be aware that there may be slip ups too. Sometimes it's two steps forward, one step back.

Starting to eat on a new plan is scary. You feel full all the time, maybe a little bit hot and sick, moody, and the chances are that you are having to eat foods you don't always feel comfortable with. It's not unrealistic that you will at some point panic and feel overwhelmed. You're losing the control you once had.

The key is to trust those helping you. Maybe someone is preparing your meals for you, or you have been given advice on what to make for yourself. Those people are not out to get you, they are helping. Food is like medicine, and sometimes it isn't nice.

You will have good days and bad days. A bad day does not been you have failed, it's just a blip really. Talk to someone about it and make sure family and friends are aware that you're struggling. Then you have to make a promise that tomorrow is another day, and you will start again. Make plans to do activities for at least the next week. Things you enjoy can distract you from the eating, and show you how much fun you could be having.

The earlier you act on a relapse, the quicker you will be able to get back on track. Talk to a professional and any family or friends you have helping.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Thanks so much - its so easy to be discouraged and feel a failure if you "slip up" - and all too easy to "give up". I know about the feelings - I'm about to get treatment - and am already feeling scared about what the counsellor and dietician are going to say - however, I'm trying to see that all I am doing is making changes while still being in control - they are professionals and can help me - and at the end of the day its down to me whether I take that advice or not - and at the end of the day do I want the ED to control my life or do I want to take control?

[Hidden]

Many thanks. I found your words encouraging and helpful. However it's easier said than done as I'm sure you know from bitter experience!

The trouble I have is how to make myself want to recover rather than stay with something I'm comfortable with. My head says one thing and my heart another.

[MissLJ]

It definitely is easier said than done, and I honestly appreciate that. It can seem like there really is no way out.

This is why you need support and someone you can talk to. While you are in the place of your head and heart saying different things, you need the extra support to fight your eating disorder. It might seem like they are being cruel to strat with, but if you can stick at it and get through the inital worst part, your mind will eventually be able to do it for itself.

Make the decision that you are going to stick on track, and make a plan of how to achieve it... Meal plans, weight plans, just cutting one habit a week... Anything that works for you.

[fadedlizard]

Thank you for your words of encouragement, definately what I needed to read when I logged in this morning.

I have to agree with Anniephys though "it's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head" (not my words but a quote that sums up how I feel a lot of the time). I know that my self distructive behaviour is in real danger of doing me serious harm but I still want to cling onto it. I can convince myself I can stay like this, it's not too bad, I can cope I can function. Yes, of course this is a lie but I have had 26 years of living like this. It is so hard to imagine a different life. I'm trying to imagine it though - a proper life not an existence; a life lived not merely survived. Be strong - it's out there somewhere.