People think that I need to eat but I don't feel like it at times

[Crochetingandtbo1]

Every body say I'm getting thin but I don't see that I'm 44 yrs old and I have been struggling with this for a long time people don't realize it , I'm always consider my self fat and my fiance yells at me and I lose my appetite I always lie saying that I ate but reality I didn't cause I want to lose weight. My caregiver said my hair has gotten thin

[crazycrossstitcher]

Suggest you need to see a professional and get some help and support - if you're care giver is expressing concern then perhaps you should talk to them about your issues around weight and food - EDs are an illness that need treatment. It sounds as though there are also issues around your fiancé - yelling at you and making you feel as you do is not a good basis for a healthy relationship - perhaps you need to think on this?

[Crochetingandtbo1 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

My fiance says that I'm heavy bone but in my head I'm thinking he's referring that I'm fat , cause I used to weigh 120lbs now I weigh 105lbs , I have been struggling with this eating disorder for so many years years even though I'm an adult now but I was starve to death in my 20"s and my childhood

[puglove0093]

Hey! I think you are beautiful, but I read in the comments you are now 105 pounds. I went through an ED for a long time and got down to about the weight you are at now. In my mind I still was too "fat", but in reality I was not and was really damaging my body. Have you gone to a doctor? And as for your fiancé, I am so sorry. Have you gone to counseling with him? Is he treating you badly? I hope not; praying for you!!!

[Crochetingandtbo1 in reply to puglove0093]

In between he has , but ppl that cares about me thinks he's controlling me, like he keeps telling me to eat but once I eat something I feel guilty about eating, I want to continue to starve myself but unfortunately these ppl won't let me cause I feel fat once I eat something , no I haven't gone to counciling for this problem, but my doctor is concerned about it, there is no out paitent program that will accept my insurance. I had this problem for as long as I can remember but won't admit it. I always thinking that I'm fine all the time but others don't think so.

[art62grammie in reply to Crochetingandtbo1]

I have read your posts. I see that you have not gone to counseling with some issues. I know that your friend may yell at you and not very nice sometimes. Those that have never walked down your path. They have no clue what Anorexia is. They may know it is starving. They do not even know the war that the voices tell us in our minds. When I read your story I see myself over and over again. You have been ill for a long time. Just as I had been. Anorexics have very low self-worth. They blame themselves for all that seems wrong in our life. Honey, those are all lies from the ed voices we have. Drown those voices out. I listen to music. I am an artist. Great therapy too. Anything to get those Anorexic lies out of your head. Yes, my hair got so thin too. It broke off. It fell out by hand fulls. I had very long beautiful hair before I got ill. I am not trying to tell you to leave the relationship with your man. I will only share this. Relationships are hard when one is Anorexic and the partner is not. They do not understand at all. I was married 2 times. The first for 18 years. The second 17. I divorced recently. The last marriage was what I say was being married to a very greedy and not compassionate man. He laughed at me about my illness. He made fun of me. He knew that I was dying and never did anything to help me. In 2012 he left me to die that day. He told me that he did not understand why life was so hard for me. I said to him. If you had walked in my shoes he might understand. He said that he may not have married me if he knew I had these issues with the illness. I have shared with him since my memories of my childhood rape have come to me. He had a great childhood. He never had to walk in my shoes.

[Crochetingandtbo1]

There is nothing in Ohio , but I can't go out of the state due to the fact that I am disabled wheelchair bound , I feel like I'm the problem for everyone then again I prefer not to eat cause if I eat something like chips, chicken hamburger fries etc I feel guilty that I'm eating and I don't want to gain weight

[art62grammie]

I want you to know that I feel your eating disorder war. I do not know if you have read my first post from 3 months ago. I joined around that time. If you have read it. I will remind you of a little information to help recover. If you haven't read the post then this I hope will help. My 40 years of Anorexia is the pits. I had been ill since 14. I am now 56. I have been in treatment for six years. I still continue every 2 months. The Zoloft helps greatly. I only take 75mg daily. It helps with obsessing about food. It works for PTSD as well. That PTSD is why I became ill at 14. I had repressed all my childhood memories until a couple of years ago. I am processing each memory as they come. I process and release. I will daily recover. I have won the Anorexic battle. I will not be defeated anymore. It is a very rough road to recover. It is worth every bit of the fight too. It is the most deadly mental illness known. I will tell you. I do not know if you have sought treatment. There is no way anyone can recover from this fatal illness without professional help. I recently recovered. It is real. It is possible. I want you to be strong. Stand up to the Anorexia and fight I am a true soldier and now a survivor, not a victim. You have to get very angry with the eating disorder voices to get them out of your head. You have to get your boxing gloves on and fight mentally. I want you to share anything about your struggles with this horrible illness. That is anything you wish to help you recover. For everyone that recovers from this. I would give them the biggest trophy ever. NO ANOREXIA VOICE CAN TAKE ME NOW. I HAVE FOUGHT AND I HAVE WON. I AM FREE. I AM FREE TO LIVE AND MAKE MY OWN CHOICES AS HOW I WANT. NOT A VOICE IN MY HEAD CONTROLLING ME ANYMORE. BACK OFF ANOREXIA. THE LIES YOU HAVE TOLD ME ARE ALL LIES. THIS IS WORDS FORM MY THERAPIST. I LOVE YOU. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE ANYONE WIN AND TAKE THIS ANOREXIA DOWN.