Anorexia is creeping into my mind....

[HoplesslyStruggling]

I know this is very long but please read it and give me advice because I no longer know what to do.

I am so worried and desperate for change. Ever since a young age I have been insecure about myself, especially my weight. I would get called many names from peers and so I began to hate myself. But once I got into fifth grade and I went to my dad's homeland to visit, everything seemed to change. My older cousins had told me that I needed to lose weight and look more like my younger brother (who was only 4 years old). I took it to heart. After my father kept telling me that I needed to lose weight and look like the Miss Universe ladies, along with other family members mentioning my weight and telling me I needed to look as skinny as my friends, I began to fantasize about being anorexic.

In 7th grade, I would skip breakfast and workout for four hours as much as possible. I would skip lunch, but it wasn't as serious then. Once I got to high school and joined cross country and track, I saw all of these beautifully skinny ladies that I wanted to look like. I wouldn't eat breakfast or lunch, have gym class, go to practice after school, and after practice ended at around 6pm, I would go to workout at the gym until 8pm. I would usually eat a decent dinner, but this went on for quite so long that I was extremely skinny.

Eventually, more events occurred with depression and such, so I was put on an anti-depressant that made my weight sky rocket. I got off of it a couple months ago, but I kept over-eating to the point where I am now overweight. Now I am 17 and because of the medicines I am on now, no matter how much I eat "healthy" and workout, there are no changes. The only thing that seems to work is to not eat at all. My dad is still continuously telling me I need to lose weight because I look pregnant.

My goal is to look very fit and be healthy (such as Pamela Reif), but at this point I feel as though the only way is to stop eating until I am quite underweight, and then slowly gain weight again with eating cautiously and working out with weights. I just know there are so many downsides to anorexia that at this point I am unsure of what to do. And the last thing I want to do is end up in a hospital again for mental and physical health after all of the hospitalizations and pain I have put my family and friends through.

I just feel so helpless...

[ashtonbeavers]

you’re not helpless. god made you just the way he wanted you to be. and if you’re overweight, doesn’t mean you’re not healthy. all these people might make fun of you, but that’s just our society. i lost 35 pounds because people called me fat when i was only 110. i’m now 85 and everyone tells me i’m to skinny. but to god, you are perfect. if you read 1 peter 2:9 it talks about how you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood and he will call you out of darkness into his marvelous light. don’t give up hope. and if you ever need someone to talk to, i’m always here for you!! i know how you feel and i know it’s hard but it will get better you just have to have a little faith.

[Pjd1]

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. You have taken a first really important step in opening up about this on here. If you can find a person (ideally a doctor) to tell this story to, you will have made a really big step in turning things round.

I know it's so hard to do this but you have shown a great deal of courage already.

Can you think who you might talk to?

[crazycrossstitcher]

What a dreadful time you have had - and I am sorry but what a damaging family and friends you have had - to continually mention weight and force you into feeling you have to be skinny to be loved - no wonder you have issues around your weight and depression and have had to be put on medication. I suggest you go to your GP and explain some of what has happened in your life and ask for an ED referral - I know that you may not wish to hurt your family - but it is the hurt that they have inflicted upon you that has left you with so many issues that need to be dealt with. ABC have a wonderful helpline which you can call in confidence - so if you need to talk things out do call them. Please, please do seek some help - the pressures you have been put under with regard to your weight are more than anyone could cope with - especially as they started at such a young age - and it will take a professional and time to help you unravel things - get things into their correct perspective - and find your true self - not the self that others are trying to force you to be - love should be unconditional - never based on how you look.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Walking is the best way to lose weight but I think you have to stop worrying about what other people think of you and your weight

Anorexia is Never a good idea