concerned boyfriend

[johnsmith1357]

hi all,

I'm looking for some advice from those who are suffering or have suffered with bulimia.

My girlfriend has bulimia. She admits that it used to very serious back before I knew her, making herself sick after every meal. Now, she only does it now and again (that I know of). I've tried to help her and always offer a non-judgmental ear.

Recently, she has become unhappy with her weight. Since we have been together (nearly two years), she has gained weight and to be honest, it isn't a bad thing that she wants get herself fitter. She goes to the gym often but she also snacks a lot on things like crisps and biscuits. Recently, she's been skipping breakfast and lunch, I dare say that if i wasn't there, she'd probably skip dinner to.

I've tried to talk to her about the dangers of her diet and do everything I can think of to help. In addition, I keep finding that she is making herself throw up after eating. She hides it and denies but once I tell her how I know, she normally comes clean. She knows its a really bad idea but she is struggling to control it. I don't know what else I can do.

She is very self conscious and continuously asks me if I think she's fat. I tell her she isn't and try to reassure her but, and I feel like an awful person for saying this, to be honest, she does need to lose weight. I would never say that to her though because im worried about what that would lead to. I hate lying to her and feel that although I'm doing it for a good reason, ultimately, I'm not helping her in that sense by lying to her.

The last thing I want is her to be unhappy or unhealthy. I guess what im looking for is advice on how I can help her control her bulimia and also how to approach the idea of weight lose without making things worse.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you.

[Agora1]

Hello johnsmith1357, it certainly sounds like you care about your girlfriend very much. And unselfishly want her to be healthy for her own well being. The thing is that there is really nothing you can do to help her control her bulimia. She needs professional help although you can be an important part of her therapy by supporting her. As for the idea of approaching the subject of weight lose, I would think that a good therapist would be able to handle that issue as well. This is such a delicate and deep seated mental issue.

[kittens1989]

Hmmm. A tricky one. I wouldn't even consider encouraging her to go to the gym at present because like all E.D behaviours that can become a dangerous pattern...rather than what has been identified as something healthy. I am in recovery from anorexia nervosa and have only recently been allowed to exercise again for the same reason.

I would also steer clear of the fear talk. She knows all of this. The eating disorder doesn't care even if she does.

She will be bingeing and gaining weight if she is skipping meals and not having any carbs at these. It's the body's way of staying alive. When deprived of energy it seeks energy in its most densest form so chocolate, crisps, chips etc are all obvious pointers especially as they are readily available.

I'm not sure if she has ever had therapy but I would gently encourage her to talk to her GP and get a referral. (Unfortunately waiting times are astronomical which is an absolute pain when encouraging recovery). That will help but I would also encourage dietetic input which can be a lot easier to get a referral for.

Avoiding food talk, image, good and bad associations with food and so on as all this can be triggering.

Be kind to yourself. You are dealing with a lot and so should look after you too.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Great that you're concerned and supportive - but I think she will need professional help and counselling - and would suggest you encourage her to go to her GP and talk about it - the vomiting has health issues in itself that need addressing quickly if no long term damage is to occur. You could visit Anorexia and Bulimia Care website - or ring their support line - I know they would have information that would help both of you. Good luck.

[Sk2sk2]

Pokemon go game is really helping

[Sk2sk2]

Pokemon go game is really helping them to distract their mind from disorders. People around her do not talk about the disorder to the person, in that we are actually reminding , then the brain wants to do more,

[Sk2sk2]

Gym, exercise, fruits, are friends, for the disorders, if we say directly no to those things to her, she will get angry, don't say directly to her, dos tract her from doing indirectly, go shopping, in that time , by saying that you want to shopping, will she come with her, don't force her, try, if she argue leave up to her, try next time.but encourage her going gym . Just lie to her she is thin.

[Hidden]

So sorry this is happening to you both. A very frustrating and frightening time for you both. Her Eating Disorder is on the return and neither of you want this. John as this behavior is a recurrence, its time for both of you to get Medical help.

Make ANY weightloss talk about you getting healthy and will she join in? That's the only thing I can think of. 💕

[Cat33]

What a lovely caring person you are your girlfriend is so lucky to have you

Please gently encourage her to seek professional help Don't feel the least bit bad about lying to her you are being kind

My son suffered and it's the most devastating helpless feeling to watch someone you love with such a horrible illness He sought professional help and got well he got care kindness and support

Look after yourself too I wish you both luck and happiness

Keep us posted X