BeMetaDynamic6 years ago

I have had no loss in sexual desire.I wish I did. Because not only is it hard enough to date when you have to move back home in your 30s due to financial constraints from metastatic breast cancer, but I find that men who are interested in me at first, no longer are when they find out I have stage 4 cancer. Or, some seem to fetishize that I'm sick in some weird, creepy way where I wouldn't want to sleep with them. I know that I'll never be able to have a long-term relationship again. Who would want to be with someone who they know has a terminal illness when they are in their 30s? I'm at an age where people are building lives together with partners, having kids, and/or moving up in their careers. Cancer hit me with the worst timing possible and I haven't found a way to bounce back. I don't think I'll ever be able to have any semblance of a normal life. It's not that I need to be normal though, I'm fine with having to struggle, but when there is no light at the end of the tunnel or end goal to strive for because they are all equally bad? I wish that cancer had dulled my desires, not just for sex, but for everything. I have a lot of passion and energy left in me, but no resources or outlet for them.