depression

[ItsKate]

my friend is not feeling well the last couple of weeks and think she might be depressed. the stress of delaing with the cancer is getting to her. i am trying to be supportive but its not always easy. what advice does anyone have? i want to help but not sure what to say or do abnd don't want to make things worse. thanks.

[findthecure1]

Hi, I have gotten through 6 rounds of chemo and a mastectomy. i found in the months after life was a roller coaster ride of emotions. I still have highs and lows a year after. Stand by your friend and don't judge her. This is an unpleasant and life changing experience. Suggest your friend do things that make her happy and feel better. i found i cut out negative things and people, they just added to the burden. To me it was, and is, a psychological fight, even those close to me didn't get it. i found the best thing was to talk to others who had gone through this and are now survivors. Just be there for her , even if she is crabby or lashes out. To me it's something that you have to work through in your own time. Just be a good friend and don't judge.

[vrbwriter2]

Ask her what you can do to help. What is she not finding the time for? For me everyday chores were the hardest. Thinking about meal planning no energy. Sleeping was difficult. So being taken out for a meal or having a friend bring over some easily defrosted meals was wonderful. I decided to see an art therapist and that really helped with the depression I was starting to feel. Journaling, writing poetry, painting. All very cathartic with her guidance. Cancer is overwhelming and your life changes dramatically, grief and all it’s stages manifest. Sometimes a hug was huge, having a friend go to appointments with me, just listening to me without interjecting or giving advice, let me vent. Luckily I came through and am cancer free. it is life changing and stressful but can be managed without depression.

[BklynCatwoman]

It might help to encourage her to go to a support group like SHARE. That really helped me because I was with people who really knew what I felt. If she's not in the NYC area, many hospitals or groups have support groups specifically for breast cancer.

Good advice, from vrbwriter2 about asking your friend what she needs. Very few people do that and it's so simple.

Good luck. You are a great friend.

[IGotSunshine]

Hi Kate, Your friend is lucky to have you as a friend. When I was going through treatment, I appreciated having someone accompany me on my various sad adventures: getting fitted for a wig, buying hats, going to chemo. Best of all was sharing a happy adventure that had nothing to do with cancer: going to a movie, going out to dinner, taking a walk. Getting advice was the one thing I really didn't want from a friend, especially if it went against the advice of my doctors and nurses. At a certain point, my needs exceeded the abilities of my friends and family, and I enlisted the help of a psychotherapist. That therapist used hypnotism to help me climb out of my depression and anxiety. I saw her for about six months, until I was able to manage on my own. As others here have suggested, a good support group can give her a peer group of women in like circumstances, with whom she can commiserate and brainstorm. The most important thing: Take time out for yourself so you don't burn out.