Fatherhood

[StayHealthy15]

My question is about how fatherhood has changed and what are the workings of being a good father?

[Hidden]

I think ultimately being a good father comes down to being a loving parent and a strong role model. Your values, discipline, and habits are what your children (particularly sons) will emulate as they grow up. What kind of man/woman do you want your child to be?

My dad served admirably in the United States Navy for over 20 years as a Naval Flight Officer and a Doctor. He taught me how to be a man and imparted the values of honor, courage, commitment, discipline, and adaptability. He was there for me when I needed him as a coach and a friend as well.

We need more fathers like that. Men who are more than just sperm donors, but take a true interest in their children's lives. My dad has always said that becoming a father meant that his days of thinking about himself were over. It was time to put all of his time, energy, and love into his family above all else. His own suffering and fatigue was worth it if his sons and wife were happy and secure.

The disturbing trend with fatherhood in this generation is becoming a bit startling to say the least. Far too many young men are being overly risky and getting their female counterparts pregnant at young ages in which they are not equipped to successfully care for a child (financially or from a maturity standpoint). Additionally, there are FAR TOO MANY absentee fathers, particularly in poor communities. Race is an interesting factor that sadly plays in (this statement comes from statistics that I have in front of me; however unless asked I will not post in order to avoid a race debate). Regardless of race, it is disgraceful that as men we are shirking our responsibilities to our children. No real man gets a woman pregnant and doesn't stay to help raise this child to be a successful adult. It's easy to be a father, but the true definition of a strong man, a role model, a hero is one who goes by a far simpler yet far stronger term: dad.

[Andyman in reply to Hidden]

WOW!!!!!!

And are you a father you didnt say.

[Hidden in reply to Andyman]

No I am not. Hopefully some day, God willing

[johnsmith]

You are asking a question that nobody knows the answer to. You are in the territory of dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.

I worked in youth clubs before 1986 and know from experience that what charities like NSPCC claim and what is actually true can be very different. A lot of what the NSPCC pushes out is about meeting funding targets and not about what is the best for the children concerned.

As a parent you want your child to get the best that society can offer. You want your child not to do things that can get them killed by other children or adults who lack capacity.

You child needs to know and understand what good manners are so that they can get help from other adults when they are at an age to explore the world for themselves. People with good manners get a lot of help where as people who lack social graces generally get shunned. Teachers will be very helpful to a child with good manners and look for reasons not to help a child who does not have good manners.

As much as there is anti religious sentiment among many educators the religious traditions teach skills about patient endurance and mixing with a wide range of different people that will stand in very good stead later in life. The religious traditions also have techniques that enable better peace of mind that is far far superior than any drug or anything a psychologist or psychiatrist can offer. Being part of religious tradition gives access to useful networks when older and help when a person has to live in strange places when something goes wrong..

Your child knowing that upsetting people will cause bad things to happen will avoid many pitfalls that children who have never been taught about cause and effect get involved in and hurt by.

Above all network with people and make use of other people's experience by listening to the things that have gone wrong and the things that have gone right.

Someone I know said: I was able to cope with the really big stress by being inoculated by the little stresses that I had experienced, while the friends who did not survive the stress were those who had led a stress free life previously.

Hope I have been helpful.

[689908]

I am a single Dad.

What I try to do is ensure every moment I am with my 18 month old son, we laugh and joke, sing songs and above all else, smile.

I put any negative feelings out of my mind before I pick him up. I suspect (as do others) that his mother has a personality disorder where she is oblivious to how much she can hurt people. So I am scared he will pick up on that. I see my job as to teach him values, to allow him express how he feels in a non judgemental way and to meet his needs over his early years.

He is a happy little boy so we are doing something right but I am so determined that he grows up without any stigma of a broken home that from thr minute he sits into my car until he is home, that he feels loved, happy, experiences a gentle caring fathet but learns boundaries, self care and grows up with self esteem.

I really love him so much. He changed my life.

[Anaverageman]

hows about.. being a ' father ' is....

' Try and NOT c*ck it up TOO much?'

[Hidden]

689908: That is a beautiful story and I wish you the best of luck with your little one as he grows up. Though I am not currently a father, I hope to one day take on that blessing. Makes me smile to know there are still some good fathers out there

Anaverageman: good point lol. I like the direct, to the point nature of your comment haha