Porn

[Kellyr000]

How can I overcome my frustration at my partner looking at porn? When I first met him he told me he wasn't like other men didn't like porn but now I've found out he was lying and looks at porn regularly, always of eastern european girls. His ex was eastern European too whereas I'm very English! I feel like I'm not enough for him, his type is obviously eastern Europeans and is making me feel very insecure. I know i need to get over this as most men do look at porn right? Just worse that he's lied about it and is searching out a specific genre although he says all porn is eastern European, surely another lie?

[Shopper85]

How did you find out? Its very alpha male of them to watch porn, usually because their drive is very High & need to satisfy that part of them regularly, it doesn't mean they don't love you any less. If you're pregnant they may not want to disrupt you being pregnant so they may just go deal with it themselves in the toilet or something. If you are concerned the best thing is talk to him more, than worry yourself by making assumptions up that you're not enough for him. Tell him how it makes you feel & why he is doing this.

[Kellyr000 in reply to Shopper85]

Yes, I am pregnant. We didn't have sex for over a week as I'd had an invasive test for downs syndrome and didn't want to take any risks as the procedure can lead to miscarriage. I asked him if he'd been looking at porn in that period, initially he lied and then admitted it. I think i feel really fat and awful and now don't want him to see me naked or touch me, I know I'm being over the top but I've always been insecure, flat chested etc and now feel so much worse thinking that i was worrying re losing the baby and He was getting off on porn. He says that's my issue and I need counseling yet himself says he's addicted to porn, doesn't know why he does it. Apparently it's a habit like me shopping on Amazon. This cannot be normal, he's offered to put a child lock on his own phone to stop himself from doing it. This just gets weirder!

[Seb9]

I think men have this daft idea that it's better to tell a lie to us instead of being honest, but actually the lying is what actually hurts more than what they're doing.I was really lucky with my husband, we were friends for years before we got together and I knew he liked porn from hilarious conversations with our friendship group at the pub, and so when I fell for him I already knew it about him. He's still an amazing husband and father. It doesn't impact our lives and I never ask him about it or look at his phone or Internet search history. If I felt it was impacting on our relationship like he was doing it continuously or wanting to try things I wasn't happy with then it would be different.

I think so often porn is so far from reality that's guys can watch it and still find their partners beautiful and enjoy sex with them without linking it with what they've watched in a porn film. I know that lots of woman got off on reading or watching fifty shades of grey, but would never expect or even want their partner to become Christian Grey 😉

[Kellyr000 in reply to Seb9]

Thank you, that makes me feel better but what he's doing isn't watching a porn film but going on random websites and searching for 'hot eastern European babe getting f***!'d' etc

[Seb9 in reply to Kellyr000]

I don't think anyone watches the actually films anymore to be fair to your partner. I think it's so accessible on line now you can search whatever you like. It's so different to when I was growing up and all guys had were magazines and videos. The Internet has so much to answer for! I think like anything that gives you a rush it can be addictive. I'm terrible with checking social media, if I've got my phone on me I'm permanently scrolling through pages of nothing and then being disappointed in myself for not being more present.

If it's really affecting your relationship, could you look at some couple therapy so you could both talk about it together. I know for me in my first pregnancy I felt really alone, and that my husband just really didn't understand me at all and that he really wasn't interested in my pregnancy at all. I would be feeling so many emotions I could be on top of the world one minute and then completely down in the dumps the next and I couldn't get why he wasn't able to keep up with my changing feelings. It's a really hormonal, emotional time being pregnant, wish you all the best with it xx

[DanABC20]

I can relate to this at the moment. My husband has never watched it since we’ve been together but recently has. Currently 22 weeks pregnant. I think if the hormones weren’t as bad I don’t think I’d of been bothered. Just sometimes in pregnancy you don’t feel as nice and you are constantly drained. It certainly made me feel like I was failing him whilst growing a human. I’m trying to put it to the back of my head. Easier said than done. Try and keep your chin up.

[Kellyr000 in reply to DanABC20]

Thank you! I don't think I'm failing him, i just think he's a bit of a pervert! I agree the internet has a lot to answer for but to say it's a habit he can't help and needs to put a child lock on his own phone is just weird to me although I know I need to get over my own insecurities!