At what age do boundaries need to be set?

[pinkie93]

I know you can't spoil a baby, but I'm wondering at what point is this no longer true?

[Hidden]

How old is your baby? What kind of boundaries are you wanting to set?

[pinkie93 in reply to Hidden]

My little boy is only 5 months, I don't think he's ready for any kind of boundaries/discipline yet, this was more of a general question for later. But we've started having difficulty whenever I take him out in his buggy. He'll go in the buggy happy, but within 5/10 minutes he'll start doing this low pitched moaning cry, no tears and if I don't pick him up he'll just keep getting louder and louder, then when I pick him up he won't go back in his buggy. I cannot find anything that would be making him uncomfortable, I think he just wants to be close to me so I always end up holding him and pushing the buggy. My mum said he is learning to manipulate me to get what he wants, but doesn't actually need all the time. I don't like this line of thinking, it seems very old fashioned to me. But I do wonder if I should be gradually trying to leave him in his buggy for a little longer? Then I'm worried he'll think I'm not there for him. But at the same time I don't want him to grow up completely reliant on me.

Not sure if this makes any sense...

[kt_11 in reply to pinkie93]

In terms of the buggy thing - I remember my little boy doing that for a while but he grew out of it. I remember carrying him home a lot and used to take the sling/carrier in case I needed to carry him and push the pram. If you’re able to pick him up and give him some comfort then I’d just do it. He’s only little. If you’re not in a situation where it’s possible just try comfort him in other ways, talking to him and making sure he know you’re there. You’re not neglecting him and no harm will come to him if he has to stay in his buggy a bit longer then he’d like but I wouldn’t be trying to ‘train’ him to stay in it longer.

I ended up turning my boy forward facing at around that time which made him better as he just wanted to look around and watch where he was going (not sure if that’s relevant to you or not?).

In terms of setting boundaries later I think it’s about consistency. My little boy is now 19 months and he is getting clever enough to manipulate 😂. Although a lot of the time when he does ‘naughty’ things I know he just can’t resist the temptation rather than deliberately trying to be bad, it’s important that they learn things like “no”, “stop” etc in order to keep them safe when they get more mobile.

For several months now I’ve always made sure I tell him why he should/shouldn’t be doing something so if I say “no” or physically take him away from the situation for his safety I then explain why I’ve done that (dangerous to him, hurting someone else etc). I try telling him what I want him to do rather than what I don’t want him to do. He is a very strong willed, independent little boy who definitely needs those boundaries setting whilst still being allowed to learn and make his own mistakes. I already have my hands full with him and suspect it will only get harder over the next couple of years! 😆

[Hidden in reply to pinkie93]

I wore my second in the sling almost all the time, he is 5 now and very independent, so if you feel it’s right to hold him and not leave him in the buggy, hold him. He is designed to want to be near his care giver to keep him alive so it’s perfectly normal he wants you to hold him. If you can find a sling meet near where you live go and try all the slings to find the best one for you. Find a local attachment parenting group APUK and find some like-minded mums to chat to and share experiences with. Love my tribe of supportive mums who do things in a similar way to me.

You will start setting boundaries on what is appropriate for him to play with, put in his mouth etc. Leaving him in the buggy will depend on whether you can carry him and push the buggy, some days it will be chucking it down with rain and you’ll just want to get home to the dry, he’ll be under the rain cover, safe and dry, so you’ll just let him cry because he’s safe and dry in the buggy. Xx

[MissEd]

My little one is 11 months. We tell him no all the time, he know what it means although it doesnt stop him 🤣 we have been saying it since about 7 months as he has a habit of slapping when excited! I think the sooner the better really

[MissSaoPaulo]

I'm basing this on absolutely nothing except my personal feeling but I think when they start to be mobile and have some agency over their own actions then we can start to set boundaries of yes and no, do and don't. Before then there's very little they can choose to do for themselves. My little girl is just 5 months and not quite crawling yet, so we'll see how it goes in practice!!

[Lovefood1984]

My little girl is 14m and we’re trying to set boundaries but I don’t think at her age she has any impulse control so if she really wants to do something ‘no’ doesn’t stop her (which means physically removing her from the ‘no’ situation) I’m hoping by being consistent with the no’s and expectations means that eventually she will be able to follow these instructions as they have been consistent. So far we’re mainly battling with ‘gentle’ in response to happy hitting (not sure they know quite what they are doing half the time 😂), dropping food from the high chair, touching unsafe things/cupboards (mainly round at other homes that aren’t fully baby proofed, she loves my dads wood burning stove, it’s never on but she likes to play with a sticky out knob bit 🤷‍♀️) and the newest annoyance climbing on stuff 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think in your case at 5 months he’s still so little and as others have said boundaries tend to come in once they are mobile. I’d definitely consider a sling if he just wants to be held at times, you could just pop it under the pram for when you need it x

[kt_11 in reply to Lovefood1984]

Keep trying with “gentle”. It does get through eventually! 😂 We started with that very early as we have two cats and I wanted to teach him how to be around them safely.

He’s so gentle with them now - strokes them softly and says “ahh” like he does when he gives people a cuddle.

[Lovefood1984 in reply to kt_11]

That's good to hear! I'm sure it'll twig eventually. We think part of it is they are too young to put themselves in others shoes and probably don't fully 'get' it. Any tips on how to stop her just air walking off the sofa at times would be handy too 😂 for some reason even after falling off and us catching her multiple times this ones not sinking in either 😉