Feeling a bit "deflated".....Practical pointers would be appreciated!

[Snowy76]

If anyone can give me ideas / boosts/ pointers for advice etc this will be greatly appreciated!!

I'm feeling a bit down and a bit lost really at the moment. Have been through IVF - 2 1/2 years of that, three years and had loads of support through the unit, Fertility network, GP practice. Any questions, queires , there was always someone to ask and point me in the right direction.

Finally got the very much longed for positive result and am now 23 weeks - the actual pregnancy has been very easy - no symptons as such apart from getting emotional as such and am starting to show my bump.

The only thing is, I feel totally out on a limb. In the first trimester whilst happy, I also found it surprisingly hard to adjust to suddenly being pregnant after so long - I have no sisters and my mum died years ago so-one close that I can talk "girly preganacy stuff" with.. My aunty, whilst close, and who is normally my go-to person doesn't have any point of reference really for our situation so is hard to open up without being told off (nicely) for worrying/getting anxious and she's lives about hour's drive away. My close friends don't know about our ivf history and unfortunately the gossips at work were in full force and made the difficult situations of failed ivf/ivf loss worse causing un-needed anxiety.

This is my first pregnancy and feel there is just so much I don;t know about or where to look. A lot of the time it feels like "what do I do now?" and it has taken time to adjust. I spoke with someone from NCT on the phone about local NCT antenatal classes but it is fully booked for our due date so I've obviously left that too late. (am on the waiting list but know it's unlikely we'll get on. ) Is it too late to go to their other pregnancy groups?

Midwife suggested Hypnobirthing at an earlier appt but its quite expensive - are online courses any good?

Being 23 weeks now have I left it too late to join things now/take full advantage? What other things have people found helpful? Hubby is very laid back about getting organised and am just starting to get my head around the practical stuff - we also have a new kitchen getting fitted in a month and so nursery getting done straight after that (am trying to start getting prepared for all of that!)

Our local fertility network lady has mentioned about about setting up an ACE babies group - am seeing her at the weekend at a wee event she's organised so will ask further about that.

Am just feeling overwhelmed just now and worry I've left things late ......physically I can't complain tho about the pregnancy.

Sorry for the long post but any suggestions about helpful things / where to look / any advice at all about practical stuff would be greatly appreciated!!!

Snowy x

[Lovefood1984]

I wouldn’t say you’d left things too late, does your local NHS do classes? I didn’t book mine until about your time as I was moving hospital for birth (long story ended up taking classes in my area due to taking so long to get transferred) most were available so I hope the same might be true for you. Has your midwife given you any advice other than NCT or hypnobirthing? I found the labour and birth class, new baby practical and breast feeding one good and it was local midwives that ran them. We ended up ‘failing’ at breast feeding, not because the class was no good but the after support is pants if it doesn’t click 🙁.

As for people to talk to there are a lot of people from the fertility network on here now they are pregnant/just had babies myself included so feel free to ask lots of stuff here. I feel for you, I do have a sister but she’s never been pregnant and my mum passed away almost 2 years ago (whilst we were being referred for IVF) so I felt I had no one to share these things with either, in the end I shared a little with my dad but not as much as I would have done a female. I’m now dreading the letter with what to do with our Frosties.......we can’t afford to keep them or have more children but I’m struggling mentally with letting them perish 😢 IVF comes with a lot more baggage than you were expecting!

Hope you get something sorted and feel a bit better x

[Snowy76 in reply to Lovefood1984]

I guess I'm just majorly missing my mum - she's been gone 17 and a half years and would've been a nightmare at times BUT she would've been fab most of the time. Your mum's just your mum isn't she!!

And that is not an easy one about your frosties! Sadly we never had any from any of our rounds and we were only able to transfer two embies in each round. You;re totlally right about all the extra baggage with IVF!!!

[Lovefood1984 in reply to Snowy76]

So true about mums, mine would have been round more than I would have liked BUT she would have been filled with great wisdom, she had me and my sister in a great routine from an early age and that sort of advice and help would be very welcome right now, you totally feel like you are winging it 😂 xxx

[Snowy76 in reply to Lovefood1984]

...and pointing out all the things that aren't anywhere near your radar!!

[kt_11]

Hi. Sorry to hear you’re finding things a bit tough. Don’t worry about leaving it too late though. Give your midwife a call and ask if there are any NHS ante-natal classes in your area. I did NCT as they were evenings & weekends which suited my partner better but there were other options there if I’d needed them.

I think NCT do a group called bumps and babies which isn’t a course but a get-together for ladies who are pregnant and just had babies. Might be worth looking to see if there’s one in your area as you might meet some people expecting their babies at a similar time who you can get to know. I did find hypnobirthing well worth it tbh but the online ones might be good too.

Don’t stress too much about the nursery. It’s recommended that baby sleeps in the same room as you until they’re 6 months so unless there’s a real issue with space, you probably shouldn’t be worrying about it.

And ask on here! There are loads of ladies on here who can help with any questions/worries you might have. Lots of them like myself have had babies via IVF but whilst I do think that’s relevant to an extent, I’m the only one in my NCT group who’s been through that but everyone still goes through the same things now our babies are here. xx

[H_m_t]

A friend couldn’t get onto NCT and is instead attending something called “bump and baby” (I think) in her area which is apparently very similar. I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this, can be a time of many different emotions!

Xxx

[Snowy76]

Thank you Lovefood1984, kt_11, H_m_t for the pep talks!!!

Midwife says I'll get info about the NHS antenatal classes at my next appt in a couple of weeks but has heard lots of good things about NCT. Have joined the 2 local groups on facebook (we live out in a wee village so both are roughly the same distance away). We've just missed a bumps & babies group and the next one is already posted up so I'll try and get to that one.

The nursery - the walls are pretty much ready to be papered ( the has been "empty" and stripped for a wee while now) and think as long as I have the basic storage for the clothes and other basics that should be fine. I have a comfy chair and footstool from my old flat earmarked for when breastfeeding with the matching table to go beside it.

I did *start* a list last night of what's needing doing and what's essential - a to do list for the kitchen, what's need for the nursery and other baby essentials, and one for the hospital bag.

I can get emotional but wow!!! these hormones are something else!!! Need to just remembering the deep breaths...

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I did online hypnobirthing course with the positive birth company and it was great, highly recommend it x

[Snowy76 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I think that may be worth a try!!!.....Definitely a lot more afforable than what I was quoted!!!

[Kempton]

Sorry you feel so alone when you should be in such an exiting time of your life.

When I first read your message I immediately thought join an nct group..Had no idea they get fully booked. Can you find out about any other pregnancy/baby groups through your midwife / hospital?

Other than that I was going to say I'm sure the ladies on here are completely there for you! I'm sure the community can answer loads of questions.

I didn't do Nct and only went on a 1 day antenatal course but my midwife even said that I had a lot of knowledge and that's because I just did loads of reading! I got one hypnobirthing book and then I was given what to expect. I also read loads of stuff on pintrest (it was my night time routine - after a long day at work, I'd get into bed and read about baby stuff). It was even more lovely when baby started kicking while I was doing my reading.

Obviously books is not the same as human contact though. There is an app MUSH. You can meet local.mums.and mums. To be in your area. Also once baby is born, join some baby groups because you'll be cnstantly learning new stuff about what your baby needs and you can meet other mums who might otherwise be at home with a baby all day.

Wishing you the best

Hope it starts to get better soon.

[Snowy76 in reply to Kempton]

Thank you!! Up til recentrly Monday was my"bidg day" whenI would get excited about baby stuff - that's my week marker & I get the emails to find out what's happening, click on all the links etc and "daydream"!!!! The rest of the week would be bits here and there with the odd bit of cute clothes shopping with hubby. Now it's getting more and more real as Pudding (our wee nickname) starts moving more and growing....and now it seems to have hit me that time is rapidly marching on!!!!

I'm looking at more and more "stuff" (books, websites ) now and think I'll be having the daily routine of just having "baby thoughts and prepping" - just like your nightly routine! Will definitely look at MUSH & am hoping to get to one of the NCT bumps and babies groups mid-feb.

What was the hypno birthing book you got????

Thanks again x

[Kempton in reply to Snowy76]

The book is called Mindful Hypnobirthing and it's by Sophie Fletcher. I'm not sure if it's the best one out there but I had an extremely positive birthing experience. And my hubby did say that her voice was soothing (I downloaded the accompanying tracks and used them during early labour - at home in bed).

My update day used to be a Friday so I totally know what you mean by Monday being your day!

Hope you are feeling better anyway. It sounds like the ladies here have offered you lots of if sound advice.