Any tips on how to reduce my son from doing ba... - OCD Support
OCD Support
Any tips on how to reduce my son from doing batches of 4 x 4 kisses and 4 x 4 hugs everytime i leave the house ?
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You did not state if your son is a child/teenager/adult. How old he is could have some bearing on how carefully you approach the problem. Do you know where this compulsion stems from ? From my ocd experiences the reason for the compulsion isn't always one specific thing. The reason like the compulsion can evolve over time as the anxiety increases. For example, I wouldn't be surprised if your son's batches of kisses and hugs started off as a smaller number.
One of ways my ocd presents itself is through hand washing. I used to think this was solely down to a contamination fear. It was for a while . I even ran my hands under the taps in batches of even numbers. Started off in batches of fours and when I'm particularly stressed , it reaches twenty. I know now through therapy that my hand washing is my go to life raft when I'm feeling anxious about anything and need to feel in control of a situation. Even if its for afew minutes. The batches increased as my anxieties increased. So maybe finding the reason or reasons behind the compulsion might help. Have the pair of you tried reducing the batches slowly as you leave the house for short periods. Even if its just you being outside the front door for afew minutes to start with. No matter how you approach this, your son will still feel anxiety. Perhaps by using this kind of gradual approach under controlled conditions to start with (e.g. you not actually going anywhere), might go some way to helping your son accept that this anxious feeling that compells him to use his "batch" method, will pass and he will feel more at ease eventually. Good luck and I hope this helps.
My son is 12 and they have multiplied over the years. He does wash his hands and face a few times even before having a bath and shower which is strange. But the kisses and hugs are the most and he has to do it again if not correctly or gets interupted. They are worse on School days , so i think he anxious at going to School. He also now waits until a certain vechicle has passed before starting to kiss me good bye. We both cycle to work , i go one way and he goes the other way along a special cycle path along a main road. I have taken him to School by car a few times to break the pattern but does not want me to do this anymore , he would rather ride his bike, i think other kids might have teased him if they see him kissing and hugging me good bye.
I appreciate the stress your son goes through when a compulsion he is doing doesn't feel right or gets interrupted. I used to feel that with my hand washing. The more I was interrupted the more anxious I would feel. As it usually meant someone was witnessing the compulsion which made me feel ashamed. The shame increases the stress which then increases the strength and form of the compulsion. At times i would use water as hot as I could physically take it as part of the ritual. The bleeding and soreness in my hands then arms(the extent of washing would sometimes increase) would not curb my compulsion unless my actions felt "right". A combination of medication and therapy has helped me gain better control of my symptoms but I still have bad days now and then. Especially now that I have a daughter who is 26 weeks old. I think you could be right about your son being anxious about school. Do you think he could be experiencing bullying ? Or perhaps struggling with certain classes?
Have you thought about trying therapy. Perhaps some form that could be open to you so that your son could get treatment and you could receive support aswell. Since it must be distressing for you to witness what your son is going through and wanting to take away his anxiety.
I we have been offered CBT from CAMHS at an appointment we had today and also they are going to arrange a meeting with his School as yes he is being bullied and as he also has ADHD he tends to get in to the wrong situations and say the wrong things which cause the bullying. Yes it is dsitressing watching him suffer and we did try Prozac but had to stop after a month because of heavy nose bleeds. Do you think if i left the house early for work without him knowing so i could avoid all the kissing and hugs etcn would help or make things a lot worse ?
Since I do not know what it is like to live with someone with ADHD I am not the best person I'm afraid, to ask whether or not you should try leaving the house early for work. Although I could see how tempting it would be. I can only only speak from what I have experienced. so for instance one way to look at the question is to ask yourself how your son reacts to his compulsions being prevented or interrupted, within the home with you still there? What would happen if you left the house just to throw out rubbish without the hugs and kisses. Or is this just when you need to go to work? His reactions to these might give you some indication of how your son would react to leaving early. Have you tried getting a professional opinion on this question? Before going on any meds or therapy, the thought of someone interrupting or preventing my compulsions would send me into a major panic that could make my symptoms worse.
thanks, we are still waiting for an appointment to start CBT . And yes thinking about it , it would probrably make it worse if i left without the usual hugs and kisses. Have you managed to cut down any compulsions and how did you achieve this ? I dont know what is going on his head and he does not tell me. but you can see he gets anxious if he has to rush or it is not quite right and start again. With washing his hands and face he does not like anyone watching him accept me his mum. He is very attached to me and wants to come with me if i have to pop out to the shops or post a letter, maybe this is so he does not not have to do his compulsions, and i let him come most of the time otherwise it will take far too long each time I want to pop out. He also follows me if i go upstairs or downstairs , and insists on playing or watching TV etc, he is also on my bedroom floor on his mattress as i could not do his bedroom compulsions any longer as they were just getting too long and i would ahve to go backa nd forth all night, so to get a good nights sleep i said he could bring his mattress in my bedroom. Bedtime complusions have decreased now with only one hug, although he has added a new one where he wants the televsion left on, no sound and it helpd him fall asleep. Now i dont know how to get him back to his bedroom without starting up compulsions again. Any ideas ?
I have managed to cut down on some of my compulsions. I think the key was that I really wanted to change my behaviour. However, I knew I would need help. Not just from Prozac. Before I started my six cbt one to one sessions I had an assessment appointment to discuss the problems I was having. We spoke about what I wanted to get out of therapy ( have a better control of my symptoms and therefore enjoy my time with my baby alot more) and I was asked for suggestions on how the therapist could help me specifically. In my case I had already done group cbt therapy afew years ago and learned some valuable coping skills. What I wanted out of the therapy was to be reminded of them. Medication for me is just about keeping my head above water but the therapy was vital in keeping me afloat. I wasn't after a cure.I just wanted to be able hold down a job, enjoy life with my friends and family and take pleasure in my interests. Ocd can make it very difficult to delegate tasks to people who want to help me out, where my daughter is concerned. I was hoping that therapy would enable me to allow my husband to sterilize Amy's bottles, as he has offered a number of times to do so. i've only allowed him to do little bits of the procedure so far. The job covers too many of my ocd hang ups to hand over that role completely. I am the last one to bed and one of my evening rituals is to do a check in the kitchen. Always in the same order and direction. Left to right. Check sink taps, check the cooker and oven are off, check the fridge freezer is shut. I used to have to check each thing at least 4 times and do one more sweep through check for good measure. The therapist helped me to break things down. Instead of trying to cut down all kitchen checks in one hit, my homework for one week was to mindfully be aware of my actions everytime I turned a tap on and then off. So when I turned a tap on I had to focus onthe fact that the water is running and I can hear it doing so. When I turn the tap off ,the water has stopped, I can't see it , feel it or hear it . Then I have to leave the room. This is the hard part for me. Part of the secret here is to keep your breathing as steady as possible. Therapy has shown me that when I'm in a crisis and I am doing rituals to calm myself, my breathing speeds up and my body tenses up. Then when someone tries to interrupt me I either go silent, snappish or close to tears. So far, I have found it easier to start small when changing compulsions. Whats particularly annoying about them, is that they can become such a habitual set of actions that anxiety no longer is the source of them being carried out. This is where the mindful awareness comes in. 2 or 3 weeks into therapy I did a sweep of the kitchen and my hand stopped a couple of inches before touching the fridge freezer and pushing at the doors. I pulled my hand back. deep breath. Acknowledged they were shut. Deep breathing again and walked away before I could complete the ritual. I still felt anxious but victorious. Its the little victories that you have to remember. If you slip back, which I have a number of times with my rituals, you must not beat yourself up about it because that is exactly what the ocd wants you to do. i get the impression that your son may involve you in his rituals because he trusts you to make him feel safe. I was like that alot with my husband but thankfully cbt has given me abit more faith in myself. I am not sure how i would break down your son's rituals as I don't know him and bearing in mind his adhd, I wouldn't know how he would react to certain suggestions. This is where a therapist would be valuable. all i can suggestis if you try anthing, keep it small. Praise his achievements in any changes and offer encouragement at any set backs. I know it can be exhausting for both sufferer and carer. But hang on in there. You are doing the best you can for your son and with a little work things will get better. x
thanks for sharing with us, i think you are right in starting small and praising. and i do hope the CBT will help. He did try Prozac but it gave him heavy nosebleeds as ahd to stop after 1 month, is there any other medication suitable do you know ?
There was a time when I was on Sertraline (I think thats what it was called. Its been a while.) It took me about 2 weeks to start feeling any benefit and the strength I was prescribed was increased a couple of times. Doctor took me off it so blood tests could be done as he suspected a skin conditon on my leg was somehow connected . However when these were completed he didn't put me back on the drug or any other for that matter. He decided that since he had got me through the worst of that particular ocd episode, it wasn't necessary. I wasn't informed enough to question whether going cold turkey like this, was a good idea. Two weeks later I noticed my anxieties increased and eventually my symptoms returned worse than before. That previous episode caused me to go off sick for two weeks. This new episode meant I was off work for about 8 weeks. Went back to the same doctor and he prescribed prozac. Took me about 6 weeks to be able to notice any changes. It was around this time that i could finally leave a room without panicking. Prior to this breakthrough my husband would leave for work with me sitting on the sofa inthe living room. He would come back and find me in the same place with the lights still off cause it was too traumatic to leave my corner and switch the lights on. I would put off going to the loo unless I really was desperate as the rituals I had to complete were hard work. I honestly felt I was losing my mind.Once the prozac kicked in I started to feel less on edge. I went back to work by doing afew hours a day and increasing over afew weeks till i reached my original full time hours. Returning to work aided my recovery. I work for a branch of Tesco and my personnel manager at the time was valuable in putting me through A Back To Work program. I was under a different GP around the time my husband and I wanted to start a family. It was under this GP's guidance that enabled me to slowly wean myself off the drug before trying to concieve. When i was first perscribed Prozac , wheels were set in motion for me to try cbt. Skills learned there, helped with weaning myself off the drug. After having my baby I had to return to taking Prozac to help control my symptoms once more. Thankfully, I started to notice a difference after about two weeks instead of 6 like the first time. This makes me wonder if the speed that the drug takes to have effect, depends on the severity of the symptoms. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor about the possibility about trying another drug. It might make a big difference. For the pair of you. Also if you have any concerns about antidepressants your son might be given in the future , talk to your GP. I wish I questioned the GP's decision to stop the sertraline the way he did. You could argue that I might have gone down hill the way I did whether I was still on it or not. But it would have been nice to have been informed of what could possibly happen if meds are stopped immediately. Perhaps this is why I was advised to come off prozac slowly, before trying for a baby.
Thanks, i do think he needs meds as well, but they are going to CBT first, when i finally get an appointment that is, our HSSD in Guernsey are so slow and understaffed, ad they keep making cutbacks.
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