Pregnancy, advice please?

Hey guys, a week or so before christmas i found out i was 5/6 weeks pregnant, with my boyfriend at first i was really scared but then i started to become excited and so did he, but on boxing day i miscarried and we was both really upset, since then my boyfriend has wanted a baby but he's only 18 and im only 16 at first i said no because were too young but he kept asking and really wants it, he would be able to provide as he works full time as well as training to become a full joiner, and will be in 3/4 months time, im starting to think about it now because i can't wait to have kids, and i love the idea of being a parent. I've explained how hard it's going to be to him and how many sacrifices we're both going to have to make and yet he's certain he still wants it. I just want a little advice from someone else, so any comments would be appreciated, Thank you

16 Replies

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  • Its up to you, but I would insist on him being fully qualified and working a full time job, also I would make sure you are happy living together first. get debts under control. maybe wait a year till you have savings. Personally I waited till I was married and as secure as possible. my other advice is don't leave it too late either like I did try before you ate thirty lol.

  • Thank you x

  • Hiya, I had my first when I was 27 and I'm really glad I had the time in my late teens and early 20s without children - I went out with friends, decided what I wanted to do regarding a career and had fun. When you have children you really are in every night watching the telly. Children are wonderful but I am not the same person I was when I was 16 and I'm very glad I waited. I also don't have the same boyfriend. I had a lovely boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 19. We thought we were in love. It didn't last as we grew older and realised we weren't best suited. Imagine if I had had children with him. Give yourselves a chance to be together and take time to make sure it is the right relationship. The last thing you both would want is for you to have a child, and then split up.

    You are both very hurt about the loss of your baby and it is totally understandable that it makes you want to be pregnant again. When I miscarried, all I could think about was getting pregnant again. But....follow your head and not your heart. 16 is never an ideal age to have children - some girls make a very good job of it but I imagine that few would say that they wouldn't have waited until later if they had the choice.

    If he loves you, he will want children when you BOTH are sure and ready. If he loves you, he won't continue to put pressure on you.

    Good luck xx

  • 16 years is way too young!!, I had my first daughter at 20 years, pregnant at 19 years. I thought I was mature and I was in a stable relationship. I also come from a big family and was sorrounded by children and babies when I was growing up, so I knew what to expect and how to care for the baby. When My baby arrived I found it too hard, my partner then, was 10 years older, that helped as I had financial security and emotional support. I had the worst pregnancy ever with severe morning sickness which needed frequent hospitalisation, when princess turned up she was a crying baby who was incosolable, I also got postnatal depression and I thought I was way too young to have wanted a baby. My princess is 16 years like you and wants to get married in her early twenties. I would advise you to try and have a relationship with your mum and speak to her as a friend. If you decide to go ahead, you will need all the support and help. You see when you are young and in love you become blind. I am not saying you will end up having the same experience but at the same time you need to look at it in every angle. I have to say it was tough and that put me off. I then have a 11 year age gap between my first 2 daugthers and a 3.5 year gap with the 3rd. The 1st relationship progressed to marriage and the divorce. Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting can be testing times and need a very strong relationship. Then I thought this is the one for life, 2 years later it was over. It took me 11 years to get ready for baby number 2 and another serious relationship. I speak to my daughter as a best friend, please speak to your mum if you have one. With mums support, advise and wisdom everything will seem clearer. If you were my daughter I would advise you to ensure that the relationship was strong enough before progressing, and that you must realise babies are sweet and cuddly but hard work which is also worth while. You have to sacrifice a lot and God parenthood is not easy!!. I am on baby number 3. After number one, I went back to university and got a career. After working for ten years I have had to put my career on hold to enjoy my beautiful girls. I had a sucessful career but my Children mean the world to me and are priceless, my colleagues find it hard to believe. I will return when they are all grown up. I hope my story helps you in making a good decision and I wish you all the best for the future : )

  • Hi, I just have to disagree with 16 being too young. I gave birth at 16 and wouldn't change anything. I've struggled with depression for years and having my daughter, I've found that I'm happier a lot more often. I get about education and everything but my mum had me at 26 (she left school at 15) and didn't go back into education until her later 30's she's now a teacher.

  • Hi also I forgot to mention, I also miscarried in November and have found it difficult since. I suppose it is only natural to want to get pregnant soon, as it can ease the pain a wee bit. But like I said look at it in every angle. Pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood test and tries even the srongest of relationships. My best frient had the first at 24 years and a second, 18 months later and says she does not regret it but wish she waited as she did not even imagine what a huge responsibility having children is!!!. She misses going out and having a life!. I dont miss any of it as after the first I decided to wait 11 years and did everything I needed to do. So now I am much older and am enjoying whatever is thrown at me. All the best again : )

  • How can 16 be too young. I gave birth at 16 to a amazing little boy with cf so had loads of medical appts to attend medicine every meal and physio daily and i coped with my ex partner really well. My son is now 7 and a clever little man. At the end of the day its how the people trying for a baby feels.

  • Congratulations on your little one and thank you, that's what my boyfriends been saying, that there's no 'right' time it's about how you feel ect x

  • I guess there are pros and cons to starting a family early or waiting until later. Really it is your life and you need to be true to your wishes and desires. Take some time on your own to really think about what you want to do with you life, work, travel, spend time with family and friends and think about when you would ideally like a family to fit in with what you want. It obviously not all going to go your way or to plan all of the time but like a few people have said you are young which means you have so many options of what to do with your life. Try to enjoy your youth and have lots of fun however that may be. Before you found out you were pregnant what ideas did you have on what you wanted to do with your life? Also I think the support you seem to be getting from your man seems great :-)

  • Thank you, i shall do that and before i found out i was pregnant, all i talked about was wanting a baby, and so did my boyfriend, and aha he's great :)

  • I had a still birth at 22weeks, I was 21, and I ached for a baby so much after losing my son, that me and partner choose to try again, three months later I was pregnant, and now I have a healthy 4month old boy, but it was sooo hard, I realise now, I should have waited longer to grieve, i followed my heart, didn't listen to my head,its been so confusing, it's getting better, we both work full time, and money is tight. We argued more at the beginning, looking after a newborn, than we did after losing our first son. I wish I waited another year, but when you want a baby, you can't stop thinking about it. Cliche but a couple of years partying, lie ins, no responsibility, all what 16yrs to 19years is about.

  • Thank you for your advice and i can't stop thinking about it either x

  • Your welcome, I never wanted kids, happy with my job and partner, saving up for a house, all of sudden I wanted a baby, my mum didnt understand, as she got accidently pregnant,as she thought 21 was young,and now im here and so happy :)

    As i do think 16 maybe a little to young, you sound more mature then me lol, i think when that want comes,it doesnt go away.

    I really wish you all the best! x

  • Im 23 years old, I met my partner in the late summer if 2011, we got together 15th Dec, got married on my birthday in October 2012 and I'm 3 day's away from my due date with my baby girl. I had a miscarriage in 2008 and one directly before this pregnancy, it's horrible and it's hard and I can feel your pain, your body does ache for what it has lost. Me and my partner decided to get married when I found out I was pregnant first time, then after we lost the baby we decided we still wanted to get married even though we had only been together 3 months! A month later we went and gave our intent to be married and also found out I was pregnant again straight after. Such a blessing. It hasn't been easy though, my family abandoned me, didnt want to come to my wedding, wouldnt talk to my partner (11 years my senior) and told me to abort the baby. It was hard and it hurt but I knew in my heart it was right to carry on with the pregnancy. In the end we fixed it, they came to my wedding and all excited for the arrival of Alexsis because we proved we could do it! We have a lush huge flat, my husband works full time and pays all the bills making sure I am well looked after, ( Ive been very ill during the pregnancy )

    I can understand my families doubt and anger at my age, at my partner, at everything but I tell you know I have NEVER been happier and felt so inlove and it's comical because alot if my friends have had babies and they were with their partners for YEARS before getting pregnant, much more 'stable' then 'us' yet they all broke up before baby was even born as they couldn't cope with the stress. So it just goes to show, at the end of the day it doesn't matter if your with someone a year or 10, when you have a baby it will either work or it wont, simple, and you know what, even if it doesn't work it isnt all bad I was raised by just my mum and she worked her ass off to give me the best in life with no help from anyone just me and her! I've travelled all around the world even staying in the 7* hotel in Dubai for my 17th birthday. Age isnt a factor, time isnt a factor, love and determination is what matters. I wont lie and say I think 16 is acceptable to have a baby, I think it is perhaps to young but everyone is different. Some people were made to be mums. I wish you the best of luck for 2013 and just remember it's YOUR life no one else's. :)

  • That was so lovely thank you! Your story's really touching, well done! And congratulations on your little one and your marriage! I hope you feel alot better soon!

    All the best :)

  • i'm 10+7 weeks pregnant and i'm 25 i am in the same predicament as Kell_E was in regards to family and getting married, i was encouraged to the point of tears reading Kell_E's story, and found comfort in it. But Monkey, you do seem mature, i'm a childrens nurse, and after my day in day out experiences i was horrified, to find i was pregnant because, i knew the dissappointment i would face, and i see so much its a major taster, but i have my career which is what i've always wanted and my partner also owns his own business, and property, and i have travelled, partied, and still will travel & i grew out of partying. i would say 16 is young, not saying it cannot work out for you! as i havent had children as yet but some young people are amazing parents more so than many twice their age, but i didnt know what i wanted to do with my life until i was 21 and, with all thats going on in politics in regards to benefits and financial strain and limitations on how far your partners finances willl stretch, what advice have your parents given you? can they afford the finances you will need from them if you decide to stay at home? will they allow your partner to move in?, are you ready to run a household if you move out? have you established a career or working life for yourself as yet? whats your 5 year plan? 10 year plan? but its your life, whatever you put ypur mind to do is do able! you choose your own future, good luck with whatever you decide to do! x

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