My younger sister who is 20 has become extremely jealous since she found out that my boyfriend and I are expecting our first baby. She has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and is desperate for commitment from him and has always wanted kids.
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we both decided we wanted a baby just before Christmas and after a month of trying we fell pregnant. I am now halfway through and expecting a little boy.
However , my sister has been expressing to family and friends that she thinks our baby is a mistake and she wishes she was the first one in our family to have a baby. She has been very cold and nasty towards me at every opportunity and has made me feel so upset. I have tried to talk to her about it and she says she is not ready to talk to me about it. She has never had any miscarriages and has no health implications which means she cannot have her own kids.
I am struggling so much because she is making me feel so upset and has started telling my mum that i talk about the pregnancy too much. My mum has become distant with me too. I feel so alone , this is meant to be a happy time and its becoming an isolated time.
My partner has seen the effects this has had on me and has expressed he doesn't want my sister around the baby or I because its causing me too much stress.
Any advice or similar experiences? Any help would be appreciated
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jessicagrace2942
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I'm so sorry for what your experiencing hun, it sounds like utter selfishness and resentment has really taken over your sister because you've got what she wants it's really so sad.
Although I haven't been through the exact same thing you have I did notice family being very odd with me when I was pregnant with my daughter they were being odd in the way trying to separate me and my partner I was a 29 year old grown woman who had been with my partner for 4 years after lots of vicious rumors and tension. I decided to distance myself from them as I could see what they were trying to do, they all wanted to be about when I was giving birth sadly just to take pics and act like doting grandma's auntys etc and add them on their fb profiles I'm not on fb have no desire to be on it see a lot of fakeness on there. I went home after a emergency c section obvs in agony and not having a, clue what I'm doing not one of them knocked on my door to help or see how I was I ended up back in hospital at 8 weeks through exhaustion hubby helped but he needed to work for money to keep us fed and watered. It was a difficult time. Now they like to try and get access to my daughter (who's now 4) not happening if you can't be right and support us in the times that matter you can't be around for the fun times it's the way I see consistency is key. I'm not gonna lie it's, been hard but you know what there is nothing better than the feeling of looking around at your own little, family and saying we did this with no help or support. I don't have time for sometimeish ppl. I'm 16 weeks pregnant now and their trying to stick their noses in now. They can do one.
Hun I know it's not the same story as yours but yours seems to have started the root mine went down all I can say is you've tried to talk and your right it should be a happy time now, just be aware that they might come running to you for the fun convenient bits and leave you high and dry for the tough bits and start feeling that they have some input in your life and what you should do not do etc. You can only do what's right for you and your little family, don't be a push over hun seriously they need to know that if they want to be part of your life and babies life to treat you with love and respect. Sorry for the long reply hun. Hope u have a lovely rest of pregnancy and you manage to sort this family issue out you've still got time hun so maybe write them a letter letting them know how your feeling if confrontation is an issue at the moment, hope you get it sorted once and for all.
It’s so nice to know that I am not the only one having these issues , families are so complicated and it’s a difficult time for everyone . But I have my own family to focus on now , thank you for the support ❤️
It is obviously hard for both you in this situation. For all you know maybe they have been trying and it hasn't happened.
Have you tried discussing your feelings with your mother? Maybe she could be a go between? I think being honest and open is probably the best thing.
I wouldn't make any rash judgements of "I don't want you around the baby though" once you say such a thing you can't take it back. The birth of the baby may change things drastically for the both of you.
Hope it works out!
Maybe she need to grow up abit and stop acting like a spoilt brat, how dare she make you feel like crap and interfere in you life choices and relationship. By the way I’ve 2 sisters and I’m middle child lol
I do feel the same! She’s being so nasty and cold about it . My mum isn’t helping my either , I am just going to ignore her for a while and let her realise how silly she is being! Thanks for the support
Hi, this is really sad as should be one of the happiest times for not only you but your family as well. I agree with maybe writing a letter or a phone call and say there are clearly some unresolved issues let’s meet up - you, your mum and sister and resolve them. You are all adults. Then address each point and ask your reasons why they are acting like this and if they have something they would like to openly discuss. With your sister I would say directly that you love her and feel hurt how she is acting that you want the best for her and can’t understand her behaviour as she should be pleased for you as you will be when it’s her turn. I would say I want to nip this in the bud myself as I am going to be a mum and life is too short for petty comments and behaviour. Approach in a direct but calm way but I think if you address it now and are open to them both they can then give their side and may not even realise how much it has affected you (although by the sounds of it they should have).
You will feel so much relief having this conversation and then if things don’t change you can think about seeing and speaking to them a lot less (if at all) if they continue in this manner. You will feel more relaxed knowing you addressed it and gave them a chance to resolve and then can distance and move on with your little family and focus on your baby if needs be. Life is like that I have realised more people are not always obvious and direct with their jealously it can be more subtle and vindictive and we can’t change people only our response and focus! I agree with allweneedisluv and those part time photo family and friend! I have no time for it some people want to be around for the show! Don’t allow it focus now on your health happiness and little miracle all the best keep strong xx
Im sorry what you are going through.My sister did not speak to me for my entire first pregnancy from the moment she found out. She never visited after the baby was born. My daughter was born 10 days before her bday and i decided not to call her for her bday and she was extremely upset. She complained to my brother who told her she is a terrible sister for not visiting me and baby and how dare she complain cuz i didnt call her. She started speaking to me again about a month after the baby.
Last night she found out I am pregnant again. She stopped talking to me inmediately. At least this time i know she wont see the baby when he/she comes. I know what to expect. But i am still sad. She has one child but wants another. In her mind i should never have children. My mom is upset by her behaviour but cannot do anything.
So u are not alone my dear. But ive decided that just like my last pregnancy. I will rejoice with whomever is happy for me. Truely it is a gift to be pregnant. Praise be to God.
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all the best keep strong xx
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