Pregnancy rant

[JLLWM]

I’m really sorry, I just need somewhere to write this.

I’m so over being pregnant it is unreal, I’m unhappy every day and I’m getting no help from doctors or family. I’m at a point of wanting to kick my boyfriend out because he’s so lazy, all he wants to do is play the xbox and moan at me that the house work ain’t done (btw hes 22, I’m nearing 27).

Has anyone else felt this way about being pregnant? I’m not sure if it’s just the fact I’ve had so many issues or I’ve actually now seen that my life is a bit of a mess. Me and my boyfriend weren’t great before baby and I’m at a point that I kinda feel stuck.

I might be having ‘one of those days’ that feels

like weeks. Just needed to get it off my mind.

[Rella22]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you are experiencing difficult times. May I ask how far along are you and what type of help do you require from family?

I live abroad and so there's no family around. I've learned to never depend on anyone but yourself; if help is given take it but you will hurt yourself expecting something that won't happen.

As for your boyfriend, you need to talk and set ground rules before baby comes. If things are hard now it's going to become like a live hurricane when the baby comes. Communication is key, express your concerns and set realistic expectations from both parties. He might have to rest the video games for a little while and focus on prepping for the baby.

I do wish all gets easier with time for you. Sending you a big virtual hug

[JLLWM in reply to Rella22]

I’m 22 weeks! I’ve worded it wrong I guess, my mum and sister refuse to talk to me, they aren’t happy I’m pregnant. I also can’t really walk due to my back pain and swollen feet.

I’m hoping he’s trying to get it out his system, because I know he’ll be a great dad.

Thanks so much 🥺 x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I think it’s a myth that pregnancy is great- I hated being pregnant and so many women I spoke to felt the same. My hubbie wasn’t a great support at the time and we are actually a very strong couple. Talk is the key- there was so much going under the surface with my hubbie that was affecting his behaviour. Good luck xx

Oh and I think the reason it’s not commonly discussed how rubbish pregnancy is, is because it’s SO worth it. 😍

[JLLWM in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I think a lot of people are scared to admit pregnancy is bad. Everyone was telling me it was great until I got to a point of being hospitalised and people I knew said ‘yea we just didn’t want to tell you it’s bad’. I knew I would suffer due to health reasons prior, so in my head I just ignored most people saying it’s great aha.

His parents have paid for him to have therapy sessions because they see issues with him. I’m hoping he’s just mentally prepping himself in his own way. I cannot wait for baby to be here, it’s just some days I think it might be the end of me lol!

Thanks so much! 😇 xx

[Bailey135]

I think the problem is more your boyfriend than being pregnant- you need to get him told and get him pulling his weight it’s a million times harder once baby is here if he isn’t helping you x

[JLLWM in reply to Bailey135]

Tbh pregnancy hasn’t been the best to me, I’ve had nausea 24/7 the whole way through, migraines that have made me vomit throughout, I’ve been hospitalised with back pain due to my endometriosis and my feet are so swollen I can’t walk so I’ve pretty much been bed bound the whole time. Which is then heightened by my boyfriends attitude, I won’t lie!

I threatened to kick him out last night in the peak of my anger. I told him if he wants to act like a child he can go back to his mum’s for a while. Which I know I shouldn’t have done but I was really having a low day yesterday. His parents are paying for therapy for him, to see if he can find a root cause to why he’s acting like this. I honestly think he’s bricking it a little but is putting on a strong face because I’m suffering so much. Hopefully things start to get better sooner, otherwise I will be proper stuck. This baby girl of ours is due in just over 3 months! x

[cmbxm in reply to JLLWM]

I hope this doesn’t come across as rude, but women don’t exist to rehabilitate men, your feelings are valid and you’ve got your baby to protect now as well, you and the baby are the most important right now and your feelings shouldn’t be shoved aside because he has his own issues nor should his issues excuse his behaviour which quite frankly I’d expect from a teenager not a man in his twenties xx

[Bailey135 in reply to JLLWM]

You’re well within your rights to kick him out- I wouldn’t put up with it. If you’ve been that sick and he’s been living with you and knows how sick you are he should be doing everything he can to help you!

[Smartsuki in reply to JLLWM]

Dear JLLWM , congratulations on your pregnancy and sorry to hear about the lack of support. Please please please, don't make accomodations for someone's immaturity. You will keep trying to find a reason/justification for him doing something off, in the bargain you will hurt yourself, the baby and waste many years of your life. He needs to step up, let him know you are slowly losing respect for him as he can't handle tough situations with maturity. Please don't take this the wrong way - but communicating your disappointment is more important than finding reasons and justifications for him to slip.

[Katie1986]

Hi

Is the playing of the xbox all the time a new behaviour of his?

[JLLWM in reply to Katie1986]

He’s always done it, just not to the extreme he does now. He’ll come home from work and go straight upstairs and play on it until like 1am. Tbh he played it every day when he was on furlough 🤷🏻‍♀️ x

[Katie1986 in reply to JLLWM]

I was just wondering whether he was using it as an escape because he is worried about baby? In my experience men handle things differently where some women would want to talk about their worries etc men seem to just bury their heads so to speak? I wonder if a heart to heart about baby worries etc would help?

[olira2203]

Hi, wait until you get 35 weeks. I’m so over of being pregnant, just want to give birth already

Even though I’m so thankful and glad that I got pregnant as I really wanted a baby, and definitely would want another one (this is my first one). It’s just becoming extremely boring. So I can feel you.

Your frustration at your bf is understandable, and hormones are not helping. Me and my fiancé are fine, and he does a lot of things around the house, helping with all baby staff and etc, but even with that I still get frustrated and shout at him occasionally 😂 he does play Xbox sometimes after work and he is 42 👌🏻

I think you just need to communicate with your bf as it will get harder when the child will be born. You will need a lot of his time and dedication to help and be part of it. My family lives abroad and because of COVID-19 not sure when I can see them. My fiancé’s family so far is not very interested in my pregnancy as they are old school superstitious. They don’t want to talk about a baby or pregnancy until the baby is born. Basically they won’t acknowledge my pregnancy or don’t want to hear anything about my doctors appointments or see photos of my baby from private scans until the baby is born. This is extremely unusual to accept for me, but apparently it’s their way dealing with it. Hopefully they will change their attitude as soon as the baby is born because they love all their other grandchildren. However for us it’s a first child so we wanted a bit more excitement from the family :)) but anyways, think about it this way, you are more than half way though and it will be over soon!!! Good luck 😉

[JLLWM in reply to olira2203]

Omg I can totally relate to this!

Literally last July I was told I couldn’t have children, so I thought my mum would be delighted. She however kept telling me I’ll probz lose the baby and didn’t care about scans etc. My BF family have been excited from the minute we told them! It’s also the first grandchild across both families so I thought it would be even better.

As I’ve said a few times, I’m hoping it’s his way of dealing with it or trying to keep a strong face because I’m struggling so much!

Good luck with everything xx

[VloandKmp]

My boyfriend was like this too always on his PS4 kept telling me to put my belly away whenever she kicked and I wanted to interact with her rubbing and tickling he said it looks weird. After she was born (found out was a girl at birth), she would be screaming and crying and he would completely ignore her I was the main care giver! He seemed to need directing to do anything for her like nappy changes and cuddles her very rarely, once I needed to feed her and I was cooking dinner he was on the game on a bit that can’t be paused till you complete it or you have to start again. She started crying we had formula available so when she cried to be fed and I said can you tend to the cooker please he said can’t I just feed the formula and you carry on with the cooking and he held her bottle and propped her on a cushion and carried on playing one handed!! Priorities were completely off so no wonder I ended up with postnatal depression. When I called shin up for it He said you just take over and do everything so I just left you to it! He was expecting to be asked to do things like he didn’t know what needed doing and when so when I couldn’t be bothered asking him to be told yeah sure just a minute I did it all myself

[JLLWM in reply to VloandKmp]

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that.

We are having a little girl too, which he wasn’t best pleased about as he is the only boy left with the family name. He’s slowly coming round to it, he barely wants to feel her kick and be involved. On the other hand, he’s been gutted he couldn’t go to any scans, so I can’t work it out.

He has a little girl cousin who's 3 and he loves her to pieces. Always been involved as his aunt struggled a lot. So I know he’s ready and will be amazing, just think he’s bricking it that he cannot hand baby back aha! Hope things are better for you xx

[Octoberbaby2019]

Your bf needs to start doing housework not expect you to be his mum. It will be a lot worse when the baby is here and you have to get up 5 times a night feeding her and her not settling other than on you during the day. You might not be able to get much done those first few weeks. Also you don't know how physically we'll you'll be after giving birth and might need time to recover.

Don't fall into the trap where you just shoulder the burden all alone, tell him from the start that he needs to change nappy and introduce a bottle as soon as you can to share feeds, I left it to 8 weeks and my son then refused taking a bottle so now at 10 months I'm still stuck doing all the night feeds.. It didn't bother me in the start but I'm exhausted now and feels like I never have a break. If your family are being idiots forget them they don't want to be part of your life then leave them you don't need negatively in your life. Try build a relationship with your Mil. I love my Mil wouldn't have coped without her. In the first few weeks I asked her to come round once or twice a week just to keep me company, hold the baby for me just so my arms got a rest. I also asked her if she could bring food and she did and its the best gift ever.

Be strong your baby will need you, but also be strong and tell your bf to do stuff and add the words "now" because my husband has the habit of saying yes yes but doesn't do things right away which annoys me and I just end up doing everything myself.

Also this is all post birth... You still got pregnancy to go thru and it gets worse after week 35ish,you'll be huge, tired, uncomfortable and unable to sleep and needing to go pee every 30-60 minutes, even going to the shop is a risk in your mind. Remember to be kind to yourself you are doing a huuuuuge job right now of growing a baby, you deserve to put your feet up.. Maybe you should start hogging the x box! X

Hope it all goes well for you xox

[Nicolem96]

Just some advice on your bf playing xbox. My bf said he was playing it more to get it out of his system before we had baby, now baby is 6months old and he still plays it all the time. I would nip this in the bud now before the baby comes as when the baby arrives you won't have the energy and will start to resent your bf like i do.

I wish you the best off luck and hope your pregnancy calms down so you can start to enjoy it. 😀

[Hidden]

I agree with what others have said I think you should lay down ground rules because when the baby is here it’ll be harder.I promise you that you won’t have the time/ energy for other half not pulling his weight when baby is here it needs to be nipped in the bud now.. I would find it tough if my hubby didn’t help out with house & our 14 month old daughter ( I’m 5 weeks 5 days pregnant) he works full time but still finds time to help me out. I also have endo so know how poorly you can feel with endo ( it was very difficult for me to get pregnant) I’m sorry your mum & sister aren’t talking to you must be very upsetting I hope once baby is here they come around so you have more support. I hope your partner steps up gets the help he needs to support you both. Hope you can work this out together. Relationships are hard work , but if there are right it is worth working at xxx

[Andia1]

Hi,

I experienced that at when I was about 7months and wasn't able to do any housework anymore. I hated it and prayed for the time to go faster. I hated not being able to do stuff by myself as I'm quite independent individual and hated every time I had to ask my partner to help me out and I hate asking and telling 🙈 Remember you are not alone and they are there so that time goes easier. Maybe you need to sit down and talk with him about it. I had to explain to my partner numerous times how I feel and how important it is that he doesn't make me feel down. It worked and he got used to taking over housework so I didn't need to repeat myself or ask anymore. Talk to him and make him understand that you need support and rest, as when you'll have your baby there won't be much time to rest. My LO is 2 weeks tomorrow, and these 2 weeks got me so exhausted already and there's more to come 🙈 but when they smile at you, you'll love every second of it 🙂

[VloandKmp]

Ok an update we have two kids and he started controlling me before i got pregnant with the second and when i found i was pregnant i told him to change or we are done. Was still sitting in his chair all day ignoring the pleas of his daughter for cuddles a d his full attention fir things. If i got him to put the controller away he became engrossed in his phone instead. He was telling me that if i cant afford my half of the bills with my mat leqve i ahould go back to work at 6 weeks old (second baby) when i daid im still feeding him no he said well aell your things to make it up and dont use the child and working tax credits to fill the void to pay them as thats the kids money and youre stealing it from them. The day we left our eldest whom the original post was about had gone into the kitchen as he had forgotten to close the baby gate and was absentmindedly making (only himself) bacon and beans on toast. She hurt her hand on the grill i didn't know this as i was feeding our son in the front room. He didn't even check her hand and just shouted at her for coming in the kitchen. When i managed to put my new baby boy down and ask what is going on she was clutching her hand in pain and cowering away from him. I provided first aid and told him i’m going to the gp. I am going right now and you're bot going with me. I reported him to the police and ended up in a refuge as i had gone back with police assistance and told him either you leave or i do with the kids. He refused so we left. His mother lives down the road so he could have stayed there and looked for a flat etc we were joint applicants on the tenancy and the landlord said you're both on it so i cant kick either of you out it has to be a decision between you both. Social care got involved and i later found out he had such severe mental health issues that he had admitted to a sexual act towards a three year old before we met which i knew nothing about but had since said its not true its just my mental health, Ive done no such thing. They put my kids on child protection and we were in that refuge for 8 months bidding on houses. We now have a house and he doesn't know where we are. I shoudl have left when i was pregnant with the first 😭😭😭😭

This is the burn she had off the grill that he didnt even know she had cos he didnt check