Feeling overwhelmed!!!

My lo is nearly 6 weeks old and I love looking after her but just wish my husband would give me even a little bit of help! I am breast feeding so obv something he cnt do but he hasn't changed a single nappy or done a bath he sleeps in the spare room on work nights which is fine but at the weekend when he's in with us all he does is complain about being tired even thou its me that's getting up every night fie feeds n changing n crying n when iv fed her if I ask him to settle her so I can go to the loo or get a drink he just says he'd rather not so I have to settle her b4 j can do nefin or take her with me iv been out once since she's bn born for 3 hours n he invited his mum round so still did nothing I really might as well be a single parent just so tired n fed up sorry for the rant just needed to get ut off my chest! Dnt no if im just being selfish because he does wrk hard?

28 Replies

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  • How selfish!!6 weeks and he hasn't changed a nappy??i will be mad.if he doesnt want to touch the baby yet which is so unfair don't force him but he should deffo help with most of the housework and the cooking !!!

  • Bloody men! :(

    can be So selfish at times, & to be honest i think he may be going to the extreme by sleeping in the spare room as if he wouldn't even like to hear the baby crying or something.

    I noticed you said he also works hard but he could make more of an effort, my advice is to mention to him how you're feeling & maybe he may ask his mum to babysit the baby while the both of you could go out or something.

    xx

  • You aren't being selfish wanting him to help! Its his baby too. Me and my boyfriend discussed these things before we tried for a baby as I wanted to know he would help and I needn't have asked. He takes the Saturday night shift (though I'm not breastfeeding so it's easier...but even if I was, he would do nappy changes for me and stuff to make it easier). He works really hard all week at a really physical job but he comes home and plays with James, gives him a feed, nappy change and will bath him....we take turns doing this so we both benefit :) At weekends he does lots too as I have the baby all the time so he does a lot of it to spend time with James and so they bond. When he is really tired, obviously I will insist on taking the baby so that he does get his rest and he doesn't do the nights or the late feeds during the week as he has an early start. I really wouldn't be able to put up with someone who does so much less than this.....if nothing else, he needs to bond with your little one. But he really does need to try and support you more. As Abenaa suggested above, maybe you two could go out for an evening, spend some time together and maybe tell him how you feel....could be that he just doesn't realise? Or maybe feels overwhelmed at the thought of it all? Hope it gets sorted for you :)

  • Totally agree with my pal Fatty. My bubba is 8 wks and my OH does everything he can to help which in majority is house keeping and cooking as I too am EBF. However when I need and want a break he is only too happy to take him from me and have Daddy time & it's plentiful. Gives me time for pamper sessions, catching up on life, giving the place a more thorough clean, go to shops on own etc. Parenting should be shared, it's the modern way and if your not careful I would be worried about you getting Post Natal Depression :-( Are you getting out for fresh air? Walks with buggy? Xx

  • I get out as much as I can always with lo but I make sure I go out every day even if its just to twn or on a walk with the buggy as I nk when I stay in alk the time on my own I feel terrible it is hard doing it all thou and I hope I can get him to do his bit soon x

  • Me too hun. Have u been booked in for your 6wk post GP c/up? x

  • Yeah I have that today :)

  • Tht needs to change and asap..u need to say tht u need help..my boyfriend was a bit strange at first as every time my son went to him he cried and my boyfriend was saying stupid stuff like oh he doesn't like me..I was just like I feed him like u and hav tht bond..why dont u suggest they bath together..I find tht btr than the baby baths as babies like skin to skin. Sit him down and tell him u need help.. I made arrangements to see friends and I said to him u r looking after him for 2 hrs..I didnt ask him as hes not a babysitter hes a father so I just told him and he will hav no choice but to change a nappy..xx

  • Thanks I an really struggling hope helps out soon x

  • You need to talk to him & tell him how u are feeling. There is no point bottling it up as at some point you will jst explode at him & end up arguing. Can u ask someone to look after her for the evening & go out together jst the two of u.

  • I'm just trying to think of how to word it without starting an argument as I am to tired to fight x

  • Ur good think I would of had a loon out by now if I leave my little one with oh or my daughters I get... he's crying I say well pick him up and walk around with him I'M IN THE BATH! Some men can feel a bit anxious and aren't sure what to do but show him what to do and explain to him that u need him to take him for 10 mins...

  • This really is unacceptable behaviour!! Have you talked to him about it?! To me it sounds like he hasn't bonded with her at all, I appreciate this is difficult when breastfeeding but still that bond with daddy can be created with bathtime and skin to skin. Xx

  • I try to say ill express so u can have a go at feeding but always busy doin something its a nightmare just keep persisting and hope he gets the hint x

  • I was going to suggest expressing so he could have a go but was unsure how you would feel about it! I do think some men are a bit afraid of babies! Particularly when they are so little!! Definitely a tough one though!! :( is say maybe speak to a family member, either his side or yours, but that comes with the risk of him feeling like you are going behind his back. Xx

  • Did think about mentioning it to his mum but have a feeling she will just think that is normal as ino his dad did nothing so think maybe thats why he is the way he is :(

  • Having read the other posts I would tend to agree but I think you might need to find out whether his reluctance is because he feels that he can't or because he just plain won't.

    Tiny babies can see very daunting and men can feel anxious that they won't be any good or the baby will cry.

    Might be better try to go at this from understanding angle (hard I know when you really want to throttle them)! Try approaching it from a 'we need to work as a team'. For example, You think it's important for him to get plenty of sleep in the week but if you don't get a break at weekends you'll be too exhausted to do this - let's help each other. Perhaps ask him if there's anything in particular he's worried about explain that he shouldn't worry if the baby cries, that's what they do!

    Hope you manage to have a talk soon xxx

  • Torn between tough love and being understanding x

  • Definitely, bless you.

    Maybe try the understanding and then bring on the tough love with an old fashioned kick up the ass to go with it!

  • Think I will do the kick up the arse feels far more appealing even if possible not as effective haha

  • Well if you can't get support from him make sure you take help offered by others (even if it is mother in law!) - at least in the short term anyway, just so you can get a break xx

  • I will do :)

  • Have you given him the kick up the arse he needs? This is completely unacceptable for a father! If my husband were like this I guarantee you he would have had a swift one to the backside well before 6 weeks.

    Come back and give us an update, I hope all is well!

  • Hi heyanonynonymous im goin to try n bring it up at the wknd when we have time to talk properly I have been being a bit more strict with getting him to hold her for a little bit in the evening n not just taking her back when she cries which is progress but long way off hopefully we will get there :)

  • Hey, how you doing? Everything ok? Is Daddy more Daddy like yet? Xx

  • To be onest I dont think hes ever goin to win father of the year and the likelihood of him ever changing a nappy isnt looking likely but he is holding her alot more and doesn't just hand her back the 2nd she crys so think with baby steps he might start getting more involved think I am stuck with the lions share thou :)

  • Yeah sounds like it. He sounds maybe like its a lack of confidence? Us women cannot use that as an excuse a someone needs to take care of the child and it is a steep learning curve.

    Will this work, tell him your exhausted and aching and that maybe your coming down with something and you need a bath, when your chilling and she's upset suggest it might be her nappy and hope that he will check it without dragging you out of bath.....I mean he won't want you to get ill as he'll have more work to do! ;-) X

  • Hehe sounds like a cunning plan ;)

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