Are we all scared of the giving birth process?

is it just me or every woman, especially with first child is scared to give birth? I joined a website where they explain in detail the whole process. I heard it from my mother but this time seamed to sound really painful. I used to be quite sensitive and have heavy period pains and I've always been afraid of something going on with my tummy. I wanted to choose cesarean procedure but they don't allow you. If the reason is being scared they send you to therapy. What can they change with the therapy? The pain when you're in labor???

14 Replies

  • I'm probably breaking some sort of unwritten code by coming out and saying this, but childbirth is terrifying, and I don't think women do each other any favours by pretending to women who haven't been through it yet that it's not that bad. That said, one of the things that makes it the most terrifying is also one of the things that makes it the most doable, namely that nature takes over and you don't really get to call the shots. The fact of the matter is, come hell or high water, your baby will be born. You don't have to worry about chickening out, because that's not an option on the table. You can be brave and stoic during labour, or you can have a complete meltdown and scream so loudly they hear you in the next town over--it doesn't matter, either way the end result will be the same. And even though while it's happening it'll seem like the worst experience of your life, as soon as it's over, and I mean literally as soon as little'un's feet pass through the birth canal, you'll feel the most profound sense of relief. No more pain, no more fear, just peace and your love for your newborn child.

    And remember, the year is 2013, so if you don't want to experience the full pain of labour, you don't have to. Research all your pain relief options in detail, decide what you're comfortable with, and get it put on your birthplan, and remember the decision is yours and yours alone. If you want an epidural, you have an epidural. Don't let anyone convince you that somehow makes you a failure as a mum.

    As to therapy, if it's been offered to you, I'd go for it. No, of course they can't change labour itself, but they can help you to put it into perspective and not spend your whole pregnancy worrying about it. After all, the stress isn't good for you or the baby, and there's no point in losing sleep over the inevitable.

  • What a great answer xx

  • Yes it's the unknown but we cope we are the stronger minded sex. Labour does hurt and is painful but we can cope with methods of therapy that teaches you how, or we can use the most valued option which is pain relief for drugs. We go through a process of panic called transition, mine happened when waters broke the pain was unbelievable but with gas and air I soon drifted off into land of happy and honestly when you've given birth there is no pain whatsoever ever. And instantly think ill do that again give or take a few weeks of mind cleaning lol. With only 20 months between my first two it didn't bother me at all, but now on number threw with a five year gap boy oh boy am I slightly worried but as careen says it has to come out one way or another so it's mind over matter. Xx

  • I think the key has been for me is not to listen to everyone's stories, and boy do they like to tell you about how dreadful it was/is. My understanding is its different for everyone & also being a first time mum I do not have a Scooby as to what you expect or how i will cope. I have been told birth plans useless as that can go all out of the window, (well of course in an emergency this is likely & all you will wish for is the safe delivery of your child and that you will get through that) however I will be researching my options with a fine tooth comb and putting together a plan! That will be the only control I am likely to have I think!

    I have been told to leave my inhibitions at the door & go for it, do what is needed and focus on why you are doing it.

    I had a friend who had counselling in the weeks months before the birth as a she wanted was a C-Section and kept trying to talk them into giving her one, she had a natural birth with episiotomy and so I think if she can get through it so can I (or maybe that too is wishful thinking!)

    What's your due date? Xx

  • I wasn't scared of giving birth. It's a means to an end. I'll be completely honest and say I have never felt pain like it and for a control freak who was determined to go au naturel, I asked for pain relief and I'm so glad I did!

    It hurts, it's undignified but it stops as soon as baby is out and you get to meet the little person you've been cooking. The midwives where I gave birth were fantastic as was my husband which made it more bearable. Your body takes over and tells you what you need to do. Ask questions of your midwife, get a tour if the maternity unit and research pain relief and what happens if you need an assisted birth, knowing what to expect can take the fear away. It's not pretty but it's amazing and after only 4 weeks of being a mum I can tell you I'd gladly do it again to get my beautiful boy

  • Hi :-) every single first time mum is a little scared/anxious/unsure of what to expect in labour - it's a huge task and although the most natural thing in the world, the act of pushing a person out of your bits is quite an alien one!

    For me, preparation and knowledge was everything. I took a good antenatal course which I'd highly recommend and was as thorough as I could be in planning my ideal birth. I was well aware that things may not stick to plan, but having the plan was key to me. You will hear a thousand horror stories but I promise you they are the minority - I had an amazing birth which you hear about much more rarely! I wanted a natural water birth with gas and air and that's what I got. Of course contractions really hurt but it is manageable, your body is designed to give birth. If you want a more pain free labour then say so, it's the 21st century if you think you'll want and need an epidural then that's what it's there for!

    Therapy sounds like a really good idea to me - of course nobody can tell you how to give birth that is purely personal but I think it might help if you're so scared of it that you'd prefer major surgery. It can't hurt to try :-)

    Unfortunately if we want these beautiful babies they have to come out somehow, wouldn't it be nice if we could just order them from amazon and have them delivered to the door! Good luck, trust yourself I'm sure you'll come to a conclusion that is best for you and your passenger x

  • Yes everyone in some sort of way is scared of what might be when you go into labour with your 1st baby, everyone has got a story to tell and they are all different. I had pethadine with my first and I can not really remember the labour at all so plenty of pain releif does the trick. I had my second on paracetomol and he was shoulder dystocia so knew everything that was going on (I wish I didn't to be honest). It hasn't stopped me wanting another though and I am now looking forward to the arrival of my 3rd.

    No ones likes to think of themselves being in pain but it is a different type of pain than having your leg chopped off (I can only imagine) as you know at some point it is gonna end and it is all forgotten about when you are holding your little bundle in your arms that you have been blessed with. Try not to get yourself to worked up about it and just ask for an epidural and you wont feel a thing. When are you due?

  • Just to put my tuppence worth in....

    I had a c-section last time and this time I desperately want to have a natural birth. C-sections are frightening too and it really should be a last resort. I can't bear the thought of having another one this time and hopefully I won't have to.

    Having said that, I am nervous about natural birth (my constant worry is about tearing). All I can say is that I'm focusing on how it will feel to hold my girl immediately after birth (not as easy in an operating theatre!) and how I will be proud of myself.

    We can do it ladies, and I agree with all the above that whatever pain relief we choose at the time will be fine. x

  • I'm terrified!!! I really wish I hadn't been such a keen bean as a medical student! I got far more than my required number of births signed off and saw somethings that will stay with me forever as a result!! What I wouldn't give for a GA at 38 weeks!!!

  • I had my daughter 7 years ago and have no idea if its because its been so long or because i cant wait to meet my wee boy but im actually looking forward to it.. as tigernoodles said its the means to the end and iv been waiting a very long time :) :) however i can imagine my feelings changing when the process starts :-/ if these braxton hicks are anything to go by im in for a treat ;) xxx

  • I was really excited ever time I went into labour...yes it's painful but it's an experience that you have never had before.and amazing and even with my not so good labours I've been able to look back and laugh at some of the things that happened or how I've behaved lol..ive done it all believe me! screamed..with my 3rd all i could do was tell people where to go i just couldnt help it! bit of apologising the next day :),and the pain relief is there for you if you need it, every ones experience is different I've had 4 and I'd say my first and forth were the best. Pls try not to worry too much, I'm hoping I won't have to have a section and have a normal delivery...I found that you can't control anything, yes you would love it to go a certain way, but how ever it goes you just have to go with it, keep an open mind and thru them gritted teeth keep smiling to yourself cos you are going to meet that georgous baby very soon xx

  • it sounds strange but im not scared at all. i know its 17 weeks away for me (or sooner than that now) but i am wishing the time away to get the labour process.

    give me pain anyday, i have a high pain threshold. i just cant cope with sickness. xx

  • Hi Woopsie, check the nice guidelines, available on the net, if after counselling vaginal birth is still not acceptable to you, you should be offered a c-section, new regs brought in Nov 2011. I've done my research as I've had some complications with my pregnancy and feel vaginal delivery is not a suitable option for me. Hope that helps and you get the birth you want :-).

  • Petrified.............

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