Hatred

[Aguila1794]

How can someone stop their hatred or overcome it?

[Trainchaser]

Can you be more specific?

[Montana136]

Aguila1794, Hello to you I do relate. I have major depression, anxiety and PTSD and suicidal ideation for over 40 years now. My hatred was with my mother and a one of her boyfriends who sexually abused me when I was nine.

I seem to get over the sexual abuse a lot easier than the Love/hate relationship I had with my mother.

I I felt, possibly unfairly, that my mother did not protect me because she was always working and not around. Also my mother used me to take care of my younger brother and clean the house, huge house must be clean to perfection, younger brother with ADD who would not listen to me. I came to be doing this at a very young age 10 11 years old. My mother screamed and yelled at me everyday for some part of the house I failed to clean or didn't clean completely. This created my initial problem with anxiety at freaking 10 years old. I was mad at my mom I treated her bad I said rude things to her I don't didn't want to hug her and I did not want to be in the same room with her. that hatred lasted over 25 years.

I don't know what your hatred is based on but with my mother, I began to put myself in her shoes, maybe her dad yelled at her a lot when she was a kid. After asking around, I found out that that was accurate her dad was potentially volatile. Also accurate in my mother's life, she was made to raise or help raise her six younger brothers and sisters in the 1940s. My mother had made a lot of mistakes and bad choices as she was parenting my older two sisters. The kind of mistakes she made were some of the things she saw and heard from her father.

This was not easy to do visualize my mom's life being uncomfortable when I felt she had made my life miserable. But after thinking about it for a long while I realized she was human too. This was the '70s. She had never had a child who had been sexually abused before. She did not know what to do. She did put me in counseling however I was young, angry, smart ass mouth and I refuse to speak with the counselor very much at all therefore I was removed from counseling because that's what I wanted. However I was only 11 and I shouldn't have been making any decisions for myself at that age. She made a mistake there too.

I know this is kind of long I don't know who or what your hatred is based on I am just assuming it might be a person.

I hope something I have mentioned helps you in some way. I also suffer from suicidal ideation I just got out of it very recently, I had a 3-month period of those horrible doomed suicidal thoughts. And boy I can tell you it's not the first time in my life I've experienced those ideas. They don't always occur every single year but I have been having them since I was 13. Do not harm yourself even if you can't think of who it is, there is always someone you will leave behind that will suffer.

Suicide looks attractive at the deepest darkest times in our lives. Especially when we do not have a very good support systems in real life.

But yes you can find help here. I began very distressed depressed anxious a lot of symptoms and suicidal thoughts. I began searching on the internet for anything that could give me hope. March 2023 when I joined this platform I accidentally found this website and it has been a blessing one of the most powerful exercises I utilized to get me out of suicidal thinking.

. Keep coming back keep reading and yes do respond to others who are in crisis and need. It is service it is helping others and I personally find the best way to start helping myself is usually to help somebody else. Take care of yourself be well try to clutch onto any positive thought you can when you are suffering the intense suicidal ideas you have, life can get better but it is up to you.

Stay safe please

Montana

[Aguila1794 in reply to Montana136]

Thank you